KipSkip Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Is a shy guy immediately a turn off for women? One who prefers to do things alone and read a lot? You can call me a college nerd, pretty much, but I'm completely content with myself. I've never had a girlfriend though, and as you can imagine one would be nice to have. I'm content with my life now, but I think it could be better to have a girl to share it with. I'm sure you all know what I mean. A bit more about me - I'm generally very shy, but in certain environments like classes or intellectual discussions I can talk a lot! Outside of that, though, I don't say much to people, save for my few close friends. I can make them laugh and have fun with them - I'm not a complete drag! As far as looks go, I keep in good shape and don't think I'm bad looking. 6' 1", 175 lbs, and I'm a swimmer. I have good hygiene and all of that, so I doubt any kind of physical trait is keeping girls away. I can be pretty aloof and weird sometimes, no doubt about that. I'm pretty much a loner. I've heard a lot about confidence, but people seem to connect it directly to knowing a lot of people and being very outgoing. I think I'm confident, it's just my nature to be shy, a bit aloof, and humble, and I like that about me. Can I garner female attention this way, though?
alphamale Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Is a shy guy immediately a turn off for women? One who prefers to do things alone and read a lot? it depends on the woman...birds of a feather usually flock together
confused_2008 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I consider myself a shy guy myself and actually take comfort in it. There's plenty of people who are attracted to shy people. The phrase "Quiet waters run deep" usually gets thrown around in these kinds of threads. As long as you are confident, like you say you are, you will be fine. Trust me, if a girl's into you and isn't too terribly shy herself, she'll drop some enormous hints if not straight up asking you out herself. I tell you that from experience.
Author KipSkip Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 it depends on the woman...birds of a feather usually flock together But, there are women out there who would go for a guy like me? I totally understand that every girl out there isn't going to like me, in fact a small fraction will probably be like. That's all I'm hoping for though - a fraction. I just always hear "women like confidence" and as I said, that tends to be connected with being socially outgoing. I'm not socially outgoing. I'm not going to be. While I avoid confrontation when it isn't necessary, I do and I have stood up for myself or other in the past against bullies or jerks, but most of the time I keep to myself. Say some people are talking next to me - I'll never jump into their conversation. That just isn't me. And I definitely can't start a conversation with a random girl, though I usually don't have much of a desire to do that. Occasionally I do, but usually I don't.
confused_2008 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 It almost looks like you're looking for validation, which should be more of a concern about overcoming than shyness. A lot of time, insecurity and shyness go hand in hand and that's where the guy runs into problems. You say you stand up for yourself. Are you fishing for someone to tell you it's good that you're not a doormat? A quiet confidence is what attracts women. Don't look for external validation and you'll be a step ahead with the type of woman that likes shy guys.
alphamale Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 But, there are women out there who would go for a guy like me? sure, the more traits you have in common the greater the chances you'll hook up
Author KipSkip Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 It almost looks like you're looking for validation, which should be more of a concern about overcoming than shyness. A lot of time, insecurity and shyness go hand in hand and that's where the guy runs into problems. You say you stand up for yourself. Are you fishing for someone to tell you it's good that you're not a doormat? A quiet confidence is what attracts women. Don't look for external validation and you'll be a step ahead with the type of woman that likes shy guys. Haha, it's cool you picked up on that. I certainly mentioned some stuff to show that I'm not a doormat, but I don't care about external validation. Honestly, it's just a habit I have when I write to try to rule out as many alternatives, mostly to save time and just focus on what I'd like to focus on. In a way, it's like answering questions before they're asked. That's just my style, sorry if it comes off weird.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I have been with both kinds of guys -- the nerdy/sporty/bookish type (like you) and the cocky life-of-the-party alpha guy. I am so much happier with the nerdy/sporty guy, so that's what I'll be looking for in the future. Alpha guys are fun for anything non-serious, but IMO they're usually too fixated on the conquest for long-term potential.
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