katterskacy Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 So I posted a while back about me being the OW. Since then I saw him and we had a good chat. Or so I thought....... He lied AGAIN! On Thursday he visited me in my city and told me that we should take a couple weeks break to "let things calm down"(to make a long story short his GF found out about us) He claimed that he does not want to be with her but has too many ties to her and too much $ invested together to leave her. He told me he was going to Miami this week for a boat show and he would call me once things calmed down and he had time to think about things on his own. I point blank asked him if she was going with and he said no(to my face) and he then said that he knows it would be best for him to move away from her, move here and make a clean break of things. He said he liked me alot and wants to be with me. Since I have posted before about our insane chemistry together we had sex. He left, promising to call in a couple of weeks. I have been thinking about it all this weekend and promised myself I would not call him. I knew I was being lied to and yet I fell for his trap AGAIN. I got proof this morning that he lied and I'm saddened and mad about it. But at the same time I know that I deserve better. How about he is on a Disney cruise with her as we speak! So I guess that means they will be in Miami together also. What a lier! I promise I'm done with him! I'm SO over all this and I don't need this in my life. Then why is it so hard??.....................
justanothergirl75 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 It is hard because you care and you believed his lies.
Author katterskacy Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 I did and your right. It is taking everything in me right now to not text him or call him. I won't though. What is going to be even tougher is when he calls me next week. I don't know if I can just ignore him. Part of me wants to just block his number. BUt I know I won't.
Owl Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Why stop calling/texting now? I say now is the PERFECT time eo escalate this...call and text him to your heart's content!!!! It get's it all out completely in the open, and it forces him to face the consequences of his actions (cheating on her, and lying to you). Get this all out in the open...and let him deal with things that way for a change!
Author katterskacy Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Why stop calling/texting now? I say now is the PERFECT time eo escalate this...call and text him to your heart's content!!!! It get's it all out completely in the open, and it forces him to face the consequences of his actions (cheating on her, and lying to you). Get this all out in the open...and let him deal with things that way for a change! Ha. I should. But he is a compulsive liar(obviouslY) and they like to cover his lies with more lies so he would just deny that he is with her. Not to mention, I wouldn't want to ruin his f'in Disney Cruise.
Author katterskacy Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 So WHY do you want to be with him again??? At this point I don't know. We have chemistry I can't find with anyone else. It's complicated. I just can't believe I was fooled for over a year!
justanothergirl75 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I did and your right. It is taking everything in me right now to not text him or call him. I won't though. What is going to be even tougher is when he calls me next week. I don't know if I can just ignore him. Part of me wants to just block his number. BUt I know I won't. At this point I don't know. We have chemistry I can't find with anyone else. It's complicated. I just can't believe I was fooled for over a year! We are fools sometimes and blinded by love.
TOWinNYC Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Then why is it so hard??..................... KK - it's kinda like gaining weight or getting into debt. These things don't happen overnight. The A didn't happen overnight either and your feelings won't go away with a snap of the fingers (although wouldn't it be great if you could?). It's hard because you said it yourself - that you had a connection/chemistry with him that you haven't been able to find with anyone else. Compound that with the fact that you're trying to MAKE yourself fall out of love...... Don't worry - you'll be able to do it eventually. It just takes TIME. As long as each day is slightly better than the day before, no matter how miniscule, that's improvement. In the meantime, hang in there. And be good to yourself!
KismetGirl Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 So I posted a while back about me being the OW. Since then I saw him and we had a good chat. Or so I thought....... He lied AGAIN! On Thursday he visited me in my city and told me that we should take a couple weeks break to "let things calm down"(to make a long story short his GF found out about us) He claimed that he does not want to be with her but has too many ties to her and too much $ invested together to leave her. He told me he was going to Miami this week for a boat show and he would call me once things calmed down and he had time to think about things on his own. I point blank asked him if she was going with and he said no(to my face) and he then said that he knows it would be best for him to move away from her, move here and make a clean break of things. He said he liked me alot and wants to be with me. Since I have posted before about our insane chemistry together we had sex. He left, promising to call in a couple of weeks. I have been thinking about it all this weekend and promised myself I would not call him. I knew I was being lied to and yet I fell for his trap AGAIN. I got proof this morning that he lied and I'm saddened and mad about it. But at the same time I know that I deserve better. How about he is on a Disney cruise with her as we speak! So I guess that means they will be in Miami together also. What a lier! I promise I'm done with him! I'm SO over all this and I don't need this in my life. Then why is it so hard??..................... :::shrug::: emotions aren't logical or rational. You can try to make yourself believe something isn't important to you but in the back of your mind its a constant struggle to maintain that belief. I work in mental health and don't really believe alot of the BS regarding cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) with respect to certain things. You can try to use it to get past the phase, maybe, but the feelings go away when they are ready to go away. You can't control your brain, or your thoughts, just your actions and how you respond to them. I'm glad you see that it's time to be done with him. He sounds like he sucks. I know you wo't block his number, but, if I were you, I wouldn't answer his phone calls. Much harder to resist a person when you actually hear their voice or see them in front of you. Better yet, if he's got an email address, email him and tell him not to call you anymore. That you know he lied to you, you don't want to hear any excuses or what he has to say, and that if he tries to call you you're going to tell his girlfriend or wife or whatever that he is cheating on her. I'm sure that'll keep him away. Good luck! Feelings don't develop in one day, and they don't leave in one day. In fact, they seem to take alot longer to go away sometimes than they do to develop. Annoying, but you'll be ok. Hugs :-)
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I work in mental health and don't really believe alot of the BS regarding cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) with respect to certain things. You can try to use it to get past the phase, maybe, but the feelings go away when they are ready to go away. You can't control your brain, or your thoughts, just your actions and how you respond to them. But many DO believe and through firsthand experience CBT worked with me when dealing with my anxiety issues. You CAN learn to control thoughts, and that's a fact - Atleast with me.
Author katterskacy Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 :::shrug::: emotions aren't logical or rational. You can try to make yourself believe something isn't important to you but in the back of your mind its a constant struggle to maintain that belief. I work in mental health and don't really believe alot of the BS regarding cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) with respect to certain things. You can try to use it to get past the phase, maybe, but the feelings go away when they are ready to go away. You can't control your brain, or your thoughts, just your actions and how you respond to them. I'm glad you see that it's time to be done with him. He sounds like he sucks. I know you wo't block his number, but, if I were you, I wouldn't answer his phone calls. Much harder to resist a person when you actually hear their voice or see them in front of you. Better yet, if he's got an email address, email him and tell him not to call you anymore. That you know he lied to you, you don't want to hear any excuses or what he has to say, and that if he tries to call you you're going to tell his girlfriend or wife or whatever that he is cheating on her. I'm sure that'll keep him away. Good luck! Feelings don't develop in one day, and they don't leave in one day. In fact, they seem to take alot longer to go away sometimes than they do to develop. Annoying, but you'll be ok. Hugs :-) Thank you. I really don't want to take his calls. I think it would be best if I just ignored him. I might email him and tell him that. He will just deny..... But that is what I WANT. To just not take his calls. Whether or not I actually do that is another story...................
herenow Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Thank you. I really don't want to take his calls. I think it would be best if I just ignored him. I might email him and tell him that. He will just deny..... But that is what I WANT. To just not take his calls. Whether or not I actually do that is another story................... Are you saying that you have no control over your actions?
Author katterskacy Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Are you saying that you have no control over your actions? I do. It's just a matter of me taking my own advice.
herenow Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I do. It's just a matter of me taking my own advice. So, if you have control of your actions, you are always going to do what you want to do because it's you making those decisions. Just like the guy who cheats and lies, he is doing it because he wants to. You got involved with him because you wanted to. If you continue to be involved with him or do whatever it is you are thinking about it will be because you want to. Plain and simple and JMO. However, the one thing we don't know is if his GF wants to remain involved with a guy who is cheating on her.
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