angryyoungman70 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I started seeing someone about 5 weeks ago. I've known her for 3 months leading up. Initially, she told me that her husband was moving out, and that she had been seperated for a year, they had gotten back together and now all the same issues were surfacing and she just wanted him to leave and that she was finished with him. He apparently can not hold down a job and she has always worked supporting thier family. At first, the way we were talking, it seemed like we were simply going to slap skin, but apparently, he did not move out, refused to do so, and because of this, I was holding back. We continued to see each other for a month, almost every day as I'd pick her up at work and drop her off at her bus stop. Not much really happened between us, but we'd always have a lot of fun and laugh all day texting each other and being silly. I fell in love with this girl even though I tried not to. So, 4 weeks in, we finally had a really good kiss, which led to more...until he actually did move out, albeit across the street with neigbors. Since then, she's backed off and has told me that she's not sure what she wants...I can relate having been seperated now for about 6 months from my 18 yr relationship. Although I was not al all wanting to get into another R, I can totally see it with this amazing woman. I am however lost in the wilderness. I don't know what I am to her, or even if she knows what I am to her. I understand her headspace, but it is still so hard not being able to be with her or knowing even if there is a chance the we could be together. My brain says get out now but my heart tells me something different. I want to give her time, but I also don't know how long I can be here, not knowing. It's been mostly wonderful, but the anxiety and stress is starting to get to me.
Mino Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Sounds like you both need to clean up your life first... You are still "fresh into this, walk away, spare yourself the pain. You know that he is not really moved out, come on, across the street with neighbors? moving out is when he has HIS own place, and thats not even on the table at this point. You need time and so does she, maybe if all goes well in a year or so, you may have a fresh chance, but ALOT can happen till then. You really only have this sane option, the other is to get crushed in the process
Author angryyoungman70 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Sounds like you both need to clean up your life first... You are still "fresh into this, walk away, spare yourself the pain. You know that he is not really moved out, come on, across the street with neighbors? moving out is when he has HIS own place, and thats not even on the table at this point. You need time and so does she, maybe if all goes well in a year or so, you may have a fresh chance, but ALOT can happen till then. You really only have this sane option, the other is to get crushed in the process Yeah, that's what it seems like. I'm just setting myself up for disaster. I've been very fortunate that my own head has cleared, regarding my past long term R. I was actually on a "woman-free" path when she contacted me and disclosed how she felt. When I first met her, I was immediately attracted to her, and flirted with her every chance I had, however over the months I got to know her and knew that there was something more about her. We have shared parrallell lives as kids, have so many commonalities, and I feel completely comfortable around her. When we first kissed, she told me her legs were shaking, and I could feel the electricity myself. Yes, I too doubt that he has really left, he's a controlling manipulator who tugs at her heartstrings and I know that she still feels responsible for him, even though he's been unable or unwilling to support his family. I've stepped in and helped her a number of times, not really expecting anything other than to get her to trust me, and for her to be honest with me. So far, I still have no clue what she's thinking about, other than she's confused, and doesn't think she wants to make any committments right now.
Mino Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Thats all wonderful... the feelings are there. But the mess is there too. All I am saying is walk away for now. Let her deal with her mess herself. If she really is into you, she will do what she needs to do first. In the meantime heal your own heart, focus on your needs and wants. Enjoy your freedom to date. If it is meant to be , it will be, but later... not now
Reggie Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Sounds like you are being played by an unstable and dishonest woman. I doubt you know what her H is really like. You'd be doing this guy a big favor if you made her your problem and he could get out. Disclose the infidelity to him and give hm the chance to find someone with integrity. You guys belong together. Should make for an interesting relationship. As the Chinese curse says "may your life be interesting."
Author angryyoungman70 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Thats all wonderful... the feelings are there. But the mess is there too. All I am saying is walk away for now. Let her deal with her mess herself. If she really is into you, she will do what she needs to do first. In the meantime heal your own heart, focus on your needs and wants. Enjoy your freedom to date. If it is meant to be , it will be, but later... not now I think maybe you are right. Thanks for the clarity!
Author angryyoungman70 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Sounds like you are being played by an unstable and dishonest woman. I doubt you know what her H is really like. You'd be doing this guy a big favor if you made her your problem and he could get out. Disclose the infidelity to him and give hm the chance to find someone with integrity. You guys belong together. Should make for an interesting relationship. As the Chinese curse says "may your life be interesting." Thanks for reminding me why I've stayed away from this forum for a while. Have a nice day.
Reggie Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 No problem. You asked how you found yourself in this situation. It's pretty simple, don't you think? You decided to have a relationship with a married woman and bought the BS she fed you. It's a recurring theme in cheating.
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