Island Girl Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 You can't break with her without at least giving her a firm message that this has nothing to do with her. But please, don't go the "It's not you, it's me" route. You owe her some degree of honesty, but she has a right to make a choice of her own here, you have no right to break it off with her and not give her options. Whether she stays with you or not, waits for you or not, is something you're going to have to face and suck up. But you can't deprive her of that decision, simply because you think you should. If you intend to make cataclysmic changes to who you are, and what you do, then a period of openness is vital here, because you have to step up to the plate and take it all on the chin. Geishawhelk said it all. Thanks Geisha - I don't have all the typing to do! lol Really you need to put it all out there. It will be scary. You will feel vulnerable (which I think is very difficult for you) and it will be painful to her and to you as you watch what you have done hurts her. But this is truly where your ammunition will come from when you are faced with cheating in the future whether it is in this current relationship or not. This is how you will learn that it is best to turn it down - for your sake as well as the other person's.
pelicanpreacher Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 You seem to have multiple issues ballooning within your psyche that culminate in one way or another to constantly keep you restless in your relationships. You've indicated that throughout your life that once the relationship gets old and somebody new comes along, you readily seek to dump who you're with to chase the new future and the addictive highs promised therein. This smacks of shallowness borne of immaturity and a budding addictive personality for even you have acknowledged that you resist the demands of this world to grow up when you defer taking responsibility for your actions or remain firm in your commitments as they lose their luster and appeal which are aspirations you tend to avoid at all costs. Then there is the deeper matter of your fear of being hurt which inspires your selfishness to withhold opening your heart to fully give of yourself as a sort of defense mechanism to protect your own insecurities and vulnerabilities. In this you seem to enjoy a viceral thrill to your ego in measuring the value of your love and self-worth when witnessing the beseeching want and pain in the eyes of those left in your wake which is why you've often opted to play down the lies and deceit while maintaining your good guy image when executing your exit plans. You have been this way for a very long time so reprogramming yourself will probably require the assistance of a professional therapist as many posters have pointed out. Come what may though, someone will hurt you in your lifetime, you will have dissapointments and failures, and you will have to grow comfortable and confident in your own skin as you mature for, try as you might, time waits on no man, you can never completely avoid all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and no-one gets out of this life alive. If you can find a way to stop fighting yourself so hard then maybe you can give yourself an opportunity at lasting happiness in the type of longterm relationship that can fulfill you.
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