Author EasyHeart Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Unfortunately, it sounds like she's already found another supplier! Something funny happened earlier today, and I want to send her an email telling her about it. We used to do things like that all the time. One little email can't hurt, right???
justletgo07 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I think you know deep down that it will...but do what you feel is best, of course.
TheDarkSide Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Forget that, no contact on her ass, VANISHHHHHHHHHHHH........she'll be back, but dont concern yourself with that, work on improving yourself.
steveraves Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 At that point you should have spoken up and said, "Sorry, but I'm not always going to be there for you. I'm not your licensed psychologist. I'm your ex-boyfriend, and I'm not going to let you use me in between boyfriends. Take it easy, now. I gotta run." And then you should have walked away. That would have sent her a very strong message. Great advice imo, and that's what you have to do is stop being there for her.
Author EasyHeart Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 I know! I know! But what if she needs me?? God, this sucks. I thought I was getting better, but today is killing me for some reason.
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Learn to distinguish "need" from "Use". If you've been broken up 4 months - please - PLEASE!! - Trust me - it's definitely "use". Besides, she really should learn to start standing on her own two feet. If she's big enough to screw around, she should be big enough to take what comes. As and when you find a better, more caring and more considerate GF, I would imagine her attentions will not be so welcome. Especially by your new GF. And I would think your opinion of her would be transformed overnight from "What if she needs me?" to "I wish she'd leave me the heck alone!" Which tells you, I hope you recognise, that your worries are purely based on what you think you'd like to see. You want to be needed by her, because it would mean you'd still be in her life. Wrong, big boy. The only reason she 'needs' you is because you are one, heartbroken but extremely convenient - Patsy. You're a pushover. You're the ball on the elastic band, being *thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thup-thupped* against the bat.... Smarts, don't it?
justletgo07 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Take it from someone who has been where you've been... There's a hard way to handle this situation, and then there is an excruciatingly painful and altogether unenjoyable way of handling this. The hard way is going complete NC, accepting that you owe her nothing, and moving on with your life. That other way I mentioned, well it's just stupid and pointless. You can try to prove me wrong if you want, but seeing as I agree with Geisha on this, and I tried to prove Geisha wrong when I was where you are and regretted it, I think you're better off just learning from me and others who have done the same. I know you want to think she's different and special...that she'd never use you, mess with your emotions, or be otherwise completely self-interested. Guess what...she's not different. This "let's be the best of friends" crap is only serving one purpose: HERS. She feels guilty, and is afraid you're going to hate her, or some other equally stupid reason. You don't owe her anything, and you don't need to be there to alleviate her guilt. You mentioned "what if she needs me?" Again, who cares? She clearly doesn't care what you want or need. I know its easy to think "Oh, if I'm there for her and show her how great I am and how much I genuinely care, her feelings for me will return!" WRONG! Feelings of attraction aren't influenced by how great you seem, or how many good qualities you have. Just doesn't work that way. Attraction comes, primarily, from finding something to be rare and precious. Become the rarest thing in her life and go NC!!!!!
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 hey JLG07!! Howya doing - ?!? Good to see you again! ((hugs!))
justletgo07 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Here, have some light reading. Read through my previous posts. Might illuminate the situation for you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176112/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176232/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176380/
justletgo07 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 hey JLG07!! Howya doing - ?!? Good to see you again! ((hugs!)) Hey Geisha! Meh, I'm hanging in there, doing better. Made some choices with the ex you would have yelled at me for, but hey, you were right and at least now I've learned. I've started dating someone new (nothing really serious) and that has been light & fun so far. My ex is dumb.
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 "My ex is dumb".... Aaaah, sweet music to my ears!! :laugh:
Author EasyHeart Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Thanks again for all of the support. I think it's really incredible that you guys would help out a complete stranger like this. Today was bad, and of course, since the evening is starting, it's getting worse. During the day, I can keep busy, but all I do now is think about her. I know in the long run she's doing me a favor. But right now I keep thinking that I'll never find anyone like her again. It's just not right!
nittanylion Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Dont be friend with ur ex now. It's too much for u to handle especially she got someone and you dont. Dont be a fool and be a doormat to let her walk all over you. Maybe give urself 6 months down the line and assess the situation whether friendship benefited you. Remember, take care urself and ur needs before her or anyone else. This is a very important time in ur lift to protect ur hearts and soul at all times.
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