daniam Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 So, in my past dating experiences, they ain't been the greatest. Girls tell me at the end that I am either to distant, don't open up, or just really nice. I cannot fck'n win here. Anyone have some advice for a man in his mid 20's on how girls want to REALLY be treated? Tried all different flavors. Greek, Jewish, Catholic, Christian, Spanish, Italian, no difference. And yes, I DID try to be myself. That did not work either. All it was a month or so relationship that was going no where. So, I know it is me. Not sure what to do. Usually, if the first and second date go well, which they usually do. I ask the girl at the end of the date if she would like to do something again. After I hear a yes, I kiss her good night. Should become less attentive to her? Be the average guy and really not give a fck about her? All my friends seem to do that well. Trying to be different I actually give a fck about the girl and want to hear whats on her mind. All the profiles I see on match or eharmony say they want a guy who would listen and care for them. Yet, when you give that to them, they turn off to you. What the fck. How can you give them what they are looking for when in reality they seem to want someone who would treat them differently than what they are looking for in the profiles? Dan needs some answers here. Girls anything?
MotherGooze Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 well, it a hard question to answer. How do YOU behave with girls in general. You come of as a bit frustrated and angry in your post. Calm down, i'm sure there must be wrong but it can be solved What do you say to girls during dates? You say you are yourself, but you also say that you have tried different approaches. Maybe just being yourself is the best approach. If they don't like you then, that's their loss, not yours. Maybe you're to quick in calling them or setting up dates? Just give me a bit more info here, I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you
Author daniam Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 No, I am not angry at them, more frustrated and angry at me. I ask them out after a couple emails or calls. Get a drink. If it goes well ask them on a real date. At the end of that date, if we kiss and hug then I ask her out on another date. This last girl I was chattin with for over two months. Finally met up after Xmas and things moved on from there. She was more open on a lot of things than I was. Didn't skate around it, just said I rather not talk about it. Mostly personal growing up stuff as a kid. After date three I asked her are we going anywhere. She said yes but I take my time. I thought it was dying at that point. We still made plans for the next week. Something in my head during the week said something is not sitting well. So I confirmed a time with her and that is when everything fell a part. Said she had another engagement (non-date) and forgot about our date. It does check out, but still, we set it up a week ago and she forgets. That is when I questioned everything and suggested maybe we should just cancel Valentine day too. She said it would probably be best. So I did. Bother's me that if it was not working for her why did she not tell me weeks before. Makes no sense. Especially the way she acted that Friday prior. Hugging and holding on to me. Then kissing twice and setting up the week after for a follow up date. Hopefully you can see why I am frustrated. If it was the second date and she said it was a no go, not a problem. There are other girls I was still talking to, but slowed it down cause I thought something was here with this one. Not only mixed singles but not telling me the real deal. That is what bothers me. Don't get me wrong, the is a good person, but err. I hate wasting my time if it ain't going not where. I blew off three other girls who had an interest in me cause I thought there was something there. I told her my feelings and then said good bye. Never heard back. Now, speed up to today. I am trying to get another girl in the picture so I can get rid of this one in my mind. There are a few possibilites, but I need to be more aware of what I am doing. It was not like I was contacting her each day. Maybe once or twice a week then we meet and repeat. She shared stuff to me about her family, income, living arrangements, what she wants, etc. Fck, I know here damn dress size and how much she makes. I was too nice and cared too much. I do not like to be led on. Especially when she told me in the beginning that she does not play games and tells whats on her mind. Obviously, I pushed her hand for Valentine day cause I really do not like being brushed off. Plus, it was a nice dinner planned and such. Would had set me back like 200 bucks. Over the past few weeks never let her pay for anything. I was always the perfect gentlemen. Another thing that pissed me off was that. If she saw it was not going anywhere why the fck did she keep on letting me pay for everything. I must had dropped like 300 bucks already. Dating is really expensive. So, I need some help in weeding out the girls like this. I ain't Donald Trump. Need to find cheaper places. Even movies are crazy priced. Too cold to do anything really inexpensive. Summer is much easier than Winter. On a date, we usually talk about each other, background, likes / dislikes, favorites, hobbies, etc. I use that information to figure out the next date, if there is going to be one. After all of that. What is the prognoses?
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Hrm. This is tough to diagnose. I would wonder if women don't pick up on your underlying temper - even if you don't use it on them. I pay attention to how a guy talks about work situations, family, friends, other people. It can be very telling as to how his temperament is. I sure as heck don't want him using it on me. Having had a father with a millisecond fuse, I can sniff out bad temper really easily. And I'm not talking normal frustration - everybody gets frustrated at times. But to come across as angry as you are concerns me - would if we were on a date. The other thing is the griping about the money. It's possible you put out an unconscious vibe that you're doing such a great thing for her - spending all this money - and she's somehow indebted to you. If you're only spending the money to get something back from it, people can sense that, too. And if it were a gift and you DIDN'T expect anything back, you wouldn't be griping about it right now. Otherwise - how about talking to close friends or family to see if they can point anything out. They'd know you better than anyone. But you have to be willing to listen to what they have to say without getting defensive. If it would be easier, have them write it down so you can take it far away from them, read it, and then give it a couple days before you talk to them so you don't rip them a new one.
Author daniam Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Hi Soul, Thanks but I do not have a temper. I avoid any touchy topics and have NEVER lost my temper on a date. Frustrated, yes. Angry, no. In all my years of dating I have been a lot of things on a date, an angry one who loses his temper is or was not one of them. In terms of money, never bring it up. I am stating here, not on a date. As a gentleman, I always pick-up the tab. Just think it is the right thing to do. Just how I am. I do not believe I had stated in the post that I lost my temper or complained about anything. So that could not be the issue. As for how I am looked on by others, everything is mellancholly.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Well - not paying attention could be a problem. I said that even if you don't lose your temper on a woman, she can pick up on it. And it may not even be a fiery temper - but a bitterness. And again - regarding the money - if you didn't expect anything back for having paid for all that stuff, you wouldn't be complaining. PEOPLE CAN PICK UP ON MORE THAN YOU THINK THEY CAN. Just because you don't SAY it or DO it outright, women have pretty good antennae. Well, whatever. I tried to explain just based on what I'm seeing here. But it is only one post I have read and I do not know you in person. My recommendation would be to see if maybe anything I said COULD be true without defending yourself right away. But again - it's hard to figure out a whole person just based on one single post. And even if you had 1,000 posts, still nobody here would KNOW you.
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