heartoutside Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 My GF of almost 5 years and I broke up almost a year and a half ago. I personally think I've come a long way from the person I was while I was dating her and the person I was following the break up (it destroyed me, to say the least!) I'm enjoying life and having fun. I'm finally comfortable with myself again and just being the person I am. Which I know is a good person.... Now here's the situation. I recently started things up with a girl that I was involved with 6 months ago or so, but it ended about a month after it started. She and I didn't speak or talk for the past 6 months and I just went on with my life (she did something I thought was just wrong!). Apparently it kind of messed her up more then I thought and she felt horrible. She tried calling to explain herself and herside, but I didn't answer or return her VM's. Anyway, so after 6 months, she and I reconnected....and it's been going well. Totally different direction then it was last time, a positive direction. It's only been about 2 weeks, with only one casual date (but we have hung out at a party I had and after work cocktails as well). But here's the problem. After finding myself again and that confidence again after being torn down by my ex, I find myself starting to loss it when this girl doesn't return my calls or texts....or I start over analyzing the situation and my actions, or her actions...etc etc and not just letting things be what they are. For example, I called her on Friday to see what she was up to for the weekend and if she wanted to go out, and she didn't return my call until tonight. She had a wicked busy weekend (threw a party for her friend and worked all weekend). But she apologized for not calling back and called herself and an hole....but this whole time, I'm thinking man what's up....instead of just letting it be. She's made it certain that's she interested. But how do I go about not letting things like that bug me? Twice this has happened, I'll call and leave a VM and she won't call me back. She has a wicked busy schedule and we're still just casually dating (although I kind of want to take it to the next level). I just don't like seeing myself being this person. She's not dating anyone else and she's not purposly not calling me back....it just is..
Gremio Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 No one is EVER too busy, and when ever I hear the "b" word come out of someones mouth, all I interpret is "I'm a liar and I don't have time for you". Even if someone works, they have lunch. If it's short, they have breaks. If they drive or take a bus, they have commute time. The only excuse for not calling or texting someone back is either a) they don't care about you, or b) they had a dire situation arise. That's my PoW. I have a firm belief of no excuses.
Author heartoutside Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 3 jobs...and she threw the party.
Gremio Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Meant pov above. You see, that's my point. You're always going to be making up excuses, and it will eat you alive. I was like that once and it tore me up. Now I am black and white, yes or no. Whatever you disliked about her long ago will come back, I gaurantee it. Even though you put it off now, it will start eating at you at one point.
confused_2008 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I've caught myself making excuses before, but really, in a whole weekend, is it that hard to take 5 minutes and make a phone call? If I was interested in someone, it would be a welcome break from whatever else was going on, not a chore I put off til everything else is done.
Gremio Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I've caught myself making excuses before, but really, in a whole weekend, is it that hard to take 5 minutes and make a phone call? If I was interested in someone, it would be a welcome break from whatever else was going on, not a chore I put off til everything else is done. You put it perfectly. Even if I am truly swamped, in the back of my mind, I'd be thinking about her. I'd be anxious to have a spare moment to at least text her, or call her to say helloand perhaps apologize for the brief conversation. That at least assures the other person that you are on their mind and they respect you.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I agree that you're making excuses for her. When I'm lukewarm about a guy, I can be "busy." When I can't get enough of him, it does not matter what's going on. I can take two seconds to get on the phone to let him know I'm thinking about him in the middle of the craziness.
Author heartoutside Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Point taken....She quits one of the jobs today and then is going on a week long vacation. I'll see how things are when she gets back, if I'm still getting the same reaction...enough said. But still doesn't answer the initial question, how to find that balance....
Still Trying Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 lol, what balance? It's her not you. Date other people. Girls that don't return phone calls are flaky at best. She's already done you wrong once too right? Come on! Other fish in the sea, move on or at least start letting her initiate some contact. Balance? What are you going to do sit her down and talk to her about this after 2 weeks of casual dating? You are FAR too emotionally invested in this person already, we can tell because you are defending her actions, actions that are HURTING you. DOH!
LovieDove24 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Is it possible that you completely blowing her off the first time around is making her want to "pay you back?" Quite honestly I don't know all the details of what happened the first time around but it sounds like you were a prick to just stop all contact after two months of dating her--thats a significant enough amount of time to at least owe an explanation. If she is trying to do the same to you as you did to her, I'm not saying two wrongs make a right but you need to calm down. Think of how you played her and take a deep breath. It was only a couple of days...not six months.
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