redmelon Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 So I spent the weekend with friends and did very well. I didn't contact him, I didn't even think about it. Then, when it was time for me to leave and head home to my empty house, I became filled with dread and weakness, and ended up texting him. I said I felt like my heart was beating differently as it is so broken. I asked if he was trying to pretend I never existed. 2 hours have gone by with no response and now I feel like a fool. I am making an ass of myself, and looking like a psycho. Why do I do this to myself>? It's like I don't have any pride. It's sooooo hard to imagine not having him around to talk to anymore. I am lost and feel like I don't even know who I am. What next?
Joker77 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 So I spent the weekend with friends and did very well. I didn't contact him, I didn't even think about it. Then, when it was time for me to leave and head home to my empty house, I became filled with dread and weakness, and ended up texting him. I said I felt like my heart was beating differently as it is so broken. I asked if he was trying to pretend I never existed. 2 hours have gone by with no response and now I feel like a fool. I am making an ass of myself, and looking like a psycho. Why do I do this to myself>? It's like I don't have any pride. It's sooooo hard to imagine not having him around to talk to anymore. I am lost and feel like I don't even know who I am. What next? No contact is what's next. As hard as it is, it's the only way to start the healing process. I've gone straight NC for over a month now and couldn't be happier. I don't need to be validated by another person who could just drop me like a bad habit and neither do you. Go NC and you'll be on your way. Good luck.
Author redmelon Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 So, are there techniques you use when you are feeling weak and want to make contact? I guess I need to learn an alternative way of handling myself when I feel weak. Any advice?
sinkerswim Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I am also trying to not contact him. I went all weekend too..and thought about him almost every minute. We just broke up last week..and i had to move back to PA from Illinois due to money reasons. IT HURTS SOO BAD..I KNOW. I too, just want to email or call him and ask if he misses me or is forgetting about me. I don't think they are forgetting about us..but trying to move on as well. I don't know..ours ended on a good note (but he wanted the separation) All I know is..this is the hardest thing in the world.. I miss talking to the man I spent almost 4 years with..and talked to on a daily basis.. I miss him so damn much. Just hang in there. I am trying everything not to contact him.
Author redmelon Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 I know, this is the absolute worst. I got a text from him earlier. It said that he's been laid up on the couch very sick and that's why he hasn't been in touch. Then he asked me if I would like to talk later. I responded that I want to talk, but I can't afford to take any steps backward and be hurt anymore. I said I would talk to my therapist and see what she advises and go from there. I said I miss him and am having a very hard time coping. I laid it all out there, and I am fine with that. I don't feel better acting like I am okay when I am not. I don't see the value in lying. I am miserable and my world has been turned upside down, I am entitled to my feelings. I know I have every right to feel the way I do. I am not trying to make him feel sorry for me, I just don't see the value in making him think I am fine when I am most definitely NOT.
nature Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Oh Redmelon, I feel your pain. Why did he break up with you? How long were you two together? With no contact,you will want to contact them. But you have to fight it. That's how you break the bond. It's not easy. It's hell actually. Sometimes you want to call so bad. Sometimes you cry. Or get seriously depressed. Or angry. It's hell. But it does also help you see things from a healthier perspective.
Author redmelon Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Nature: We were together for almost 2 years, engaged for 4 months. It was a sudden break up - but he's done this to me before. He doesn't seem to know how to handle or process frustration and anger, and just impulsively lashes out. He always regrets it, comes back crying and saying he doesn't know what's wrong with him. It's all very complicated. It's really all in the details. He went into therapy and has been working on a lot of issues from childhood in an effort to understand why he runs away, but obviously hasn't gotten there yet. It's quite tragic, as it doesn't need to be this way, but he just can't seem to control himself in these situations. I have suggested anger management as an outlet to teach him techniques to better cope with his emotions when they get flared up. This sort of reaction is not reserved for me alone, he does the same thing to his parents and has in other relationships, I learned this AFTER the fact, just so you know. I have great empathy for this man, but can't put myself in the line of fire anymore, and know that it isn't a good foundation for a family. I actually spoke to him tonight and he is sick and beside himself. We will have been apart for a month this Friday. He said that he needs to digest all that we talked about and will be back in touch in a few days, but please know that he loves me so much, and can't stand knowing that hes done this and hurt me again. He said he is frustrated and doesnt know where to turn to get the help he needs. His therapist said that anger management isnt what he needs, but didn't offer any advice on what he DOES need. I still think he should do it, and he agreed with all my reasoning. I just don't know what to do with myself. I really don't...
theloveboat Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I think coming on here and venting is a good start when you are feeling weak. Who cares if you tally up a thousand posts on an anonymous message board, really? If this is what helps you resist the urge to contact him, then by all means wear this site out. Your description of him reminds me of myself alot and, to be honest, I've put my ex girlfriend in a similar predicament as you. Trust me, it doesn't help your cause when you do contact him. He's got the upper hand again, which is exactly what he yearns for deep down. To know that you want him is enough to satiate his perplexing ego. Whenever my ex contacts me I feel as if I've won a little battle that really didn't need to be fought. I'm having another woman visit from out of town this weekend to help me get over her. Not sure I'd have issued the invitation if she would simply stop contacting me. Hope this helps.
Author redmelon Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Hmm, well thanks for your insight, though I don't know that the power struggle is quite the same. I have willingly put myself on the line here, and we both know that. Ultimately, I can't do anything about the situation and the fact that he needs help, and the decisions about whether I want to involve myself beyond this moment are mine to make. I have the power over my life, and nothing I say to him makes that any different. I don't see the value in leaving things unsaid, and not being open about how I feel. It causes me to feel unrest and like all the truth of the matter isn't getting out. I am not a person who bottles their emotions at all, I need to get them out on the table to feel better. I feel bad for him, I don't think he wanted to have the relationship end, that's what he says, and I think he is contemplating long and hard if it's something that can possibly be fixed. As for your weekend plans, isn't that a temporary fix?
Justmike101 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 So, are there techniques you use when you are feeling weak and want to make contact? I guess I need to learn an alternative way of handling myself when I feel weak. Any advice? No contact. It's the only way to heal.
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