anya85 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 So the guy I'm seeing is GREAT! He's a gem, funny, goodlooking, intelligent--we get along effortlessly and have so much in common. I really like this guy! My concern is that things are moving a bit slowly(never even kissed in 5 dates)--- *and* I'm worried that it could be because of his bad relationship experience. He's told me that his weakness is that he's too trusting of people. I've learned the story about his break up, little bits at a time, but it sounds really rough. He's almost 27, 6 months out of a year long relationship with an older woman(probably early 30s). Apparently, he somehow got involved with this married women(I don't know if she was separated first or if she left her husband for him), *she was his boss*, any way, she has a 7 year old son with her husband. They had a place together where he lived with this woman and her son, he furnished it--spending a lot of money in the process, completely spoiling her. Got a dog, big screen tv, a nice set up--it sounds like he was setting them up for the long haul. This woman's husband starts stalking them, hiring people to follow him, sending them threats and harrassing them. So the woman tells him she's going to go to "divorce counselling" to help her husband get over it or something(I don't know), but it turns out she was lying and it was marriage counselling, she reconciles with her husband,--at which point she kicks this guy out of the home he furnished, keeps all of the things he bought, the dog *and* being his boss, starts wrecking havoc at their job, trying to get him fired. It backfires though and she gets fired 3 weeks ago for creating the drama, apparently. He now lives with a roommate and has virtually nothing to his name except his car and a few small posessions(because this woman has it all!), but he has a good job. For whatever reason, he's made no attempt to get his things back--he just let it go. He doesn't seem to hold any ill-will towards her, he's obviously not happy about the situation, but as far as I know they are not in contact. Any way, back to us---I've seen him 5 times, each time being 3-6 hours long and we've had a blast every time. He's a perfect gentleman--he's introduced me to 3 of his friends(two are roommates), he seems really interested, IM'ing/texting me all the time, asking me out frequently, always pays, always thanking me for going with him, mentioning things we need to do in the near future together. I spent 6 hours over at his house a few nights ago, we had a lot of fun together, ended up cuddling on the sofa with my head on his chest and his head resting on my head and holding me(still not so much as a kiss though). He has said that I'm funny, cute and he always has fun with me and that he likes that he doesn't feel like he has to "entertain" me with "shiny" things. He's in contact with me every day and seems excited about spending more time with me in the future. He's all the time picking on me, teasing me some, very playful--touching/playing with my hands. He often times appears to look at my lips while talking to me(enough times for me to notice it's frequent!). Should I be concerned about the messy breakup or that he's not made any real moves yet??? He doesn't talk about her, except about missing his all of his belongings and having to rebuy things all the time and how it hurt him financially. What is your take on the situation? Is he ok to move on after that kind of hurt after 6 months?
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Everybody's timeframe for healing from a traumatic break-up is going to be different. You want to be listening for clues. How does he talk about her? Is he overly emotional when he talks about her (if he gets upset easily or you can see it's causing a physical reaction in him because he's upset about it, that could be bad)? Also - if he brings it up frequently, that is also not a good sign. I talk to my BF about his ex, but it's usually me asking questions that gets him going - he never just starts going off about it on his own. And he's at peace with the outcome - calm when he talks about it and has this attitude of "Oh, well." Yes, it's possible to get over that kind of a break-up in that amount of time - but again, it depends on the person. Oh - was going to say...as far as the kissing thing. Why don't YOU initiate? If you end up cuddling on the couch again like that - his face close...just put yours closer to his and move towards his lips. You can do it.
LovieDove24 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Should I be concerned about the messy breakup or that he's not made any real moves yet??? He doesn't talk about her, except about missing his all of his belongings and having to rebuy things all the time and how it hurt him financially. What is your take on the situation? Is he ok to move on after that kind of hurt after 6 months? Truthfully what concerns me is not the messy breakup, but the fact that you already know so much about it. Six months is certainly long enough for the healthy individulal to recouperate from a bad breakup so no worries there. But typically, if a man is still talking about his ex to his current dates and to such great lengths, I'd say theres a great chance that there are still residual feelings there. Especially since five dates is still within the "no-no" period of discussing exes.
Trialbyfire Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I would be surprised if he were over something like that in six months. You also have to ask yourself, how someone gets sucked into a drama filled situation like that, to become the other man. IMO, anyone who gets involved with a previously married person has a combination of arrogant belief in himself, a love of drama and low self-esteem, all put together into one person. IMO, walk away and find yourself a guy who's got enough smarts to stay away from previously committed persons.
allieapplesauce Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 well, i dated a guy 5 months and things moved slowllllllyyyyyy and he'd been with a girl 3 yrs, engaged and then it ended. didnt really know the details. said he'd dated a few girls and itd been a good year since it ended. adn then 5 months in (we werent real seriuos but seeing eachotehr 1-3 week on his asking) and then just upped and gone....so i dont know...he said he was depressed and had some issues over it when i was like whats going on with us...adn he said he just needed to take it slow (like it could go any slower, and i wasnt pushing it or anything) and he was interested romantically and never had any intention of me not being in his life. adn guess what? gone. so just please be careful! not saying this dude would do the same thing, but it's my 2nd encounter in a row so im 2 for 2...and dont want u to get hurt if it can be helped. good luck!
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