blu3cheez Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 some background: this is my first serious relationship, so I'm kinda lost. I'm a woman and I live with my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years... we have been living together for about 6 months now. She cheated on me about a month ago with an older woman, and I'm trying to forgive her. The woman that she cheated on me with has called here multiple times and talked with my g/f about different things, like they are friends still. When I learned of her infidelity, she agreed to not talk to her again. Obviously, they have been talking. I asked my g/f last night if she still had feelings for the other girl (and my g/f had been drinking), and she told me that she doesn't know, but she still thinks about her sometimes. What do I do? I'm tempted to break up with her, but I don't want to make this decision in haste. Thanks
Geraltt Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Like you, I'm not a big fan of making hasty decisions. But in the case of a cheater, then I'm all for it. A cheater in a relationship is like having a drug addict in the house. It will suck the life right out of everything. I don't have to tell you all about how trust is important and all the rest; that's patronizing bull***** and you already know it anyway. Get out now. Like, immediately. Nobody deserves to be strung along like that. Nobody.
Author blu3cheez Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 She tells me that if she didn't want to be here that she wouldn't. Is she lying? Can someone really love a person but still have a curiosity for another?
amymarieca Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 How do you deal with a cheater? Kick their ass to the curb!
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 She tells me that if she didn't want to be here that she wouldn't. Is she lying? Can someone really love a person but still have a curiosity for another? And if she didn't like having sex with the older woman she wouldn't do that either. Why does she have to choose when she gets sex with both of you? At least, that is, since there is no consequences with you.
Author blu3cheez Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 I should have clarified - this chick lives like 3 hours away, so they haven't gotten together since then... she has just called our apartment at least 3 times that I know of.. so probably at least 6. This is bad isn't it? I shouldn't put up with it, I know, I just love her so much and I don't want to let her go. is there anything i can do except break up with her that will fix this??
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 No sweat, she will find someone local. Now that she knows where you stand.
boldjack Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Sorry blu, but your gf really doesn't love you, if she did you wouldn't be posting here. She's using you and playing on your love for her to get what she wants. You must dump her, or forgive her. If you dump her, you can find someone else who will love you. If you forgive her, she will do it again.
MotherGooze Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 She said she wouldn't contact her and still she does. That's lying imo, and that even after cheating on you. Trust me girl, she is not to be trusted. I would kick her out. You deserve a lot better.
Island Girl Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I know of a couple that experienced cheating in the relationship and are still together. But the way the worked through it was the girl he cheated with was no longer in the picture at all. No contact -- not friends - or any other bull like that. Your girl cheated which is bad enough. But now she is compounding it by going against her word and still talking to this woman instead of working at building your trust again. It sounds like she is more out of the relationship than in. I am sorry but you really should just cut her loose. It will hurt more intensely but less in the long run because she is one that will more than likely do it again and then the relationship wil die a slow agonizing death anyway. Sorry again for what you are going through.
sw1911ct Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone in a relationship. it sounds like she's not even remorseful about it, or doing everything she can to convince you how it was a one time thing that could never happen again. Even if she was doing that you would have to discern how much of it was truth and how much was bs but she's not even trying when you confront her about it. I think she will definitely do it again if not with the one chick then someone else.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 What do I do? I'm tempted to break up with her, but I don't want to make this decision in haste. She cheats, but you don't want to break up in haste? What is there to think about?
Trialbyfire Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 How do you deal with a cheater? Kick their ass to the curb! There are two ways to handle a cheater. You can get your foot right under them and get some lift to the kick. This is a no bounce way to get them to the curb.You can kick in a more parallel fashion to their arse, which will cause A LOT of bouncing before they hit the curb.It's your choice.
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