Matt78 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Hi all. I'm needing advice. I've been married for 6.5 years, and I'm having a couple issues (but maybe they're related). First, I'm unhappy with my career. Long story short, I gave up law school after college to be with her in leu of a career I thought I'd really enjoy, but now I'm so bored it's killing me. I've brought up the idea of law school again (since it's really what I want to do) and the idea has been met with very hostile words. We have 2 young children and debt we are paying off, and I can see her point: I'd be taking a lot of time for me (3 years) to complete this and how are we going to work through it. But right now, I'm holding 2 part time jobs (1 in my field and 1 just to get insuarance). The thing is it'll be like 2 yrs before I can even go because of the LSAT and application period. But her career is exactly what she wants and she's where she wants to be in life. Idk how to convince her that I need to do this to be happy and to have a better future for the family. She says I had the chance and made my choice. I'm just really frustrated with herack of support in this. Second, I feel our relationship waning. She's a home body, and I'm a spontaneous, social person (to this, she says I'm still living in college). It's clear our ideas of how to live life are not the same, but I am so bored sometimes. She goes to bed at 9:30, right when I'm ready to do something (watch a movie, grab a bite to eat, etc.). I end up aloneflilling channels most of the time. It wasn't always this way, and when we were dating and early in our marriage we used to be spontaneous. I miss that a lot and have talked to her about this, but she says she's not like that anymore and can't wait til I finally grow up. That bothers me because ifeel she doesnt ubderstabd me anymore. How to I get her to be more spontaneous, or am I doomed to live on the couch at night? Also, I miss the sex and the feelings I used to have. We used to do it at least daily, but she's too tired, and when we do it it's dissappointing. How to I rekindle the spark and passion we had. I feel like my parents mustve felt: caught in the marriage groove with no excitement. Any suggestions? Thanks.
Geishawhelk Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Oh goodness, where to start? Probably married too young, had children too quickly (they're the best contraceptive there is!) she's probably whacked from looking after them all the time, (how much do you help with the children?) and if you've stayed stuck in a pre-marriage mentality, and she's moved on, then it's no wonder you two aren't on the same page. This marriage isn't about you (singular), it's about you (plural). Have you stopped to consider she might be bored with you, the fact that she works hard too (what's her career?) and the fact that you don't seem to be putting as much into this relationship as she would like you to....? It sounds as if you feel like an outsider. have you asked her what she would like YOU to do to get a look-in?
Author Matt78 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Well, idk if we got married too young. I was 24 and she was 26. She's a teacher and coach, and she does a lot around the house and with the kids, but I do a lot, too, since sometimes she's at school from 7am-10pm (game nights). Kids are usually my responsibility in the AM to get to school/daycare, and many times pick them up and spend evenings with the (depending on her schedule). We share other responsibilities, but I understand where you're coming from. We have gone through marriage counseling before (she hated it), and we worked some things out. I guess maybe I have a misconception, but I thought marriage was about compromise and accepting the other for whom he/she is. I guess I feel like I'm always meeting her on what she wants (I'm living in a town which I hate, gave up a chance to do what I wanted, etc.), and when I try to share my needs, it just leads to an argument of where my priorities lie: do I want a family, or do I want to live the life I always wanted (something she has, besides the tension in the marriage). I guess I'm confused as to how to meet my needs with hers (to make the plural you) instead of making it seem as though it's a dichotomy.
Geishawhelk Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Well, before I give you my view of what I think you might do - what do you think you should do? Really. That's a big question. Give it some thought.
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