kashmir Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 So, remember that girl I posted here about now and then? It ended, but unfortunately not in the way I wanted it too. We never actually were bf/gf, but she once asked if I was dating anyone else and I said no, and she said that she would like to keep it that way. We met up at a mutual friend's party separately. I could kinda sense something was up, because when I went over to her and her friends she seemed distant from me. At the time though, I just assumed she wanted time with her girl friends so I went elsewhere. Long story short, I come back and I see her with some other guy kissing him. I was pissed, as you can imagine. I break them up, take her aside, and ask her what the hell was wrong with her. She actually had the nerve to tell me to chill out. I pretty said YOU WERE KISSING ANOTHER GUY, WTF?! She comes back with, "Well you were probably kissing other people at that party you went to last week." The excuses she was making were ridiculous, telling me that she wasn't over her ex and that she was dancing and kissing those guys because I wasn't there for her...BS. I said we're through, told her that I was going to hit on this hot blonde girl that sits by us in a class, and that she could lose some weight too. Now, I don't know why I feel so depressed. This girl obviously was not good enough for me. I should be happy that I'm away from her. But I don't know, I feel so...used...like what made her think she could kiss some other guy right in front of me? I just feel like crap, and I can't stop thinking that she feels great. This girl was infatuated with me. At a party I went to without her she kept texting me to promise her I wouldn't kiss anyone else. I kept that promise and just had fun. She would tell me constantly how I turn her on and shower me with compliments. Then she disrespects me right in front of my face? Seriously, it makes me question whether there are any good girls out there. It makes me want to throw any morals away and say and do anything to sleep with a girl and have no regards for her feelings, because it certainly seems like every other girl here has no regards for mine. Sigh...I know here on LS I can come off as an ass, and I'm sure I'll get people replying here saying I had this coming, but I'm not an ass. I have a lot more emotional depth than how I write on here, and I'm not nearly such a hot head in real life as I seem to be through writing. I have my flaws, but I'm generally a balanced guy who should be enjoyable to be around, who treats people with respect, who can control his temper. I don't deserve this crap.
confused_2008 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I don't think you come off as an ass at all, Kashmir. I think you're trying to navigate the tough dating world that is college. Girls our age have no idea what they want, do they? It's like they can change their minds hourly. As far as this particular girl, you're right that she's not worth your time but it still sucks.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Seriously, it makes me question whether there are any good girls out there. It makes me want to throw any morals away and say and do anything to sleep with a girl and have no regards for her feelings, because it certainly seems like every other girl here has no regards for mine. First of all, don't ever tell a girl she could lose some weight. What she did was mean, but now you are lowering yourself to her station. Clearly you were just lashing out, but why sink to her level? I quoted the above section to point out to you something I see in a lot of your threads. You have "all or nothing" thinking. One girl is an arse, and now they all are. Do you have friends with great gfs? Then you know they are not all bad. This kind of thinking is only going to hurt you, because it makes you feel as though there really isn't anyone out there who is kind and decent, and that just isn't true. And btw, I've done this myself so I understand. It comes from a position of pain and rejection, but telling yourself that only makes it worse. It's normal to feel depressed. What you thought was a good thing isn't. That is sad. The girl behaved deplorably and insulted you. That would make me depressed, too. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way now. I would worry about you if you were still feeling this way two weeks from now, though. It's possible she was trying to make you feel jealous, but ick. You are better off, and I bet when you wake up tomorrow you will feel that way. I'm sorry this happened! People can be so rotten sometimes. Just be glad you found out now that she's a little off, eh?
Author kashmir Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Ok, I lied about the weight comment ...but I was thinking it at the time. Fortunately I held myself back. I know not every girl is like this. It just seems so bleak when a relatively smart and non-superficial girl behaves this way. It makes me think, "Well if THAT girl behaved like that then who doesn't?" I'm just blowing off some steam. I'm performing in this show tonight. I'm in the mood to play some slower and sadder songs. Hopefully that will help get it all out.
zenith Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I said we're through, told her that I was going to hit on this hot blonde girl that sits by us in a class, and that she could lose some weight too. That was cold, bro college girls.... yeah...
zhsoj Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 What she did was pretty disrespectful and low class. Even if I went out on a first date and the girl decided to kiss someone else in front of me; official relationship or not, that's a pretty ****ty thing to do. I'd certainly make it clear that I wasn't appreciative. Though I'd try to not sink to her level and leave the personal attacks out. Anyways. I remember these types of girls well. I'd stay away from them at all costs. There are nice girls out there, but just like with people they take awhile to find and identify.
Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 It's not like she purposefully kissed the other guy right in front of Kashmir, like, "I see you there, but I'm gonna kiss this guy." Rather, Kashmir left the party. She decided to kiss this guy, and Kashmir "caught them."
Isolde Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Like CB said, you definitely have the right to be hurt. You guys got kind of intimate, and it would be weird if you just brushed it off immediately. Hey, at least she liked you--a couple weeks before you had been complaining that no one would give you the time of day. It will get better! And you won't be in this college scene forever, either.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Should have just sucked it up, carried on enjoying yourself. If you made out like you really didn't care she would have been all over you like a rash... at that point you could have just brushed her off. Gotta learn how to keep cool.
zhsoj Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 It's not like she purposefully kissed the other guy right in front of Kashmir, like, "I see you there, but I'm gonna kiss this guy." Rather, Kashmir left the party. She decided to kiss this guy, and Kashmir "caught them." Yes, I understand that. However I witnessed lots of my "college friends" play these vengeful games. Maybe she didn't intend to be caught... But she sure as hell didn't attempt to go out of her way to do it out of sight... People come and go from college parties all the time. She shouldn't have been surprised that she was "caught". No I can't be certain she meant to inflict pain by it, but her recklessness and cruel indiscretion is the same: low class. This sort of pettiness is common, especially in college, and is the cause of many hurt feelings. This is the sort of selfish person that I've learned can never be trusted or depended upon.
Author kashmir Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Yeah, I knew I'd get people turning this against me. Especially you SG, I can ALWAYS count on you. By the way you're defending this girl, I'd guess you do the same kind of things she does. So, I'm going to give you the same treatment as her. Putting you on ignore and moving on... I think I'm going to go down the rest of my rum and play guitar in the laundry room for a few hours. See you all on the flip side!
Author kashmir Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Oh, before I go though, let me say this. I'm really bad at conveying my actions through my writing. I tend to be more dramatic when I write about myself. I apologize for that. I never actually broke them up. I saw them kissing, walked away, was thinking WTF? And like 10 minutes I confronted her and said, "Hey, I saw you kissing that guy. You wanna explain something to me?" I said this in a calm tone, but I looked her in the eye in a way that let her know I meant business. She then gave her excuses, and then I said that we're through and I made the comment about hitting on the other girl, but I didn't say anything about her weight (though like I stated before, it was on the tip of my tongue). And that was that. I think the booze made me a bit numb to it all. When I woke up this morning and remembered what happened I started to get really down. And here I am now. But like I said, tonight is going to be drinking-alone-in-the-laundry-room-playing-sad-songs-but-then-playing-hootie-and-the-blowfish-to-make-me-feel-better night.
zenith Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Yeah, I knew I'd get people turning this against me. Especially you SG, I can ALWAYS count on you. By the way you're defending this girl, I'd guess you do the same kind of things she does. So, I'm going to give you the same treatment as her. Putting you on ignore and moving on... I think I'm going to go down the rest of my rum and play guitar in the laundry room for a few hours. See you all on the flip side! good stuff, man. Ditch the bitch
Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Yes, I understand that. However I witnessed lots of my "college friends" play these vengeful games. Maybe she didn't intend to be caught... But she sure as hell didn't attempt to go out of her way to do it out of sight... People come and go from college parties all the time. She shouldn't have been surprised that she was "caught". No I can't be certain she meant to inflict pain by it, but her recklessness and cruel indiscretion is the same: low class. This sort of pettiness is common, especially in college, and is the cause of many hurt feelings. This is the sort of selfish person that I've learned can never be trusted or depended upon. I'm not defending her at all. However, Kashmir's reaction (childish at best, outright VENGEFUL and cruel at worst) was wholly disproportionate to her wrong. (Not that two wrongs make a right anyway.) Telling her he's going to hit on a hot chick and telling her she could lose weight? I mean, I haven't heard sh*t like that since I overheard bullies in 4th grade.
Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Yeah, I knew I'd get people turning this against me. Especially you SG, I can ALWAYS count on you. By the way you're defending this girl, I'd guess you do the same kind of things she does. I just call you out on your poor behavior, Kashmir. And when you cross the line into name calling and disrespectful behavior, you just don't like having it brought to your attention. And I'm neither defending this girl nor have I ever done that. I didn't say anything about her weight (though like I stated before, it was on the tip of my tongue). Didn't actually say it? Uhhhh: I said we're through, told her that I was going to hit on this hot blonde girl that sits by us in a class, and that she could lose some weight too. Pfffft. Yeah right. You're back peddling. You just feel like an arse for saying that to her (which you should) and getting called out on it. It's really transparent.
Lucky_One Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Is this the same girl that you were so ticked off that she wouldn't have sex, or let you put your hand down her pants? To be frank, you seemed pretty much a jerk by that thread, and I would likely be moving on to another guy if I were her. I haven't slept with many guys, and I doubt that will change. I have certainly kissed far more, and I have gone farther than kissing with many of them. But sex to me is a lot bigger to deal than it obviously is to you. Just because she wouldn't have sex with you doesn't mean she is a tease; it means that she doesn't want to have sex with you.
Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Is this the same girl that you were so ticked off that she wouldn't have sex, or let you put your hand down her pants? To be frank, you seemed pretty much a jerk by that thread, and I would likely be moving on to another guy if I were her. Agreed. I would have moved on as well.
Author kashmir Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 This message is hidden because Star Gazer is on your ignore list. I had to get nasal spray to clear my congestion so I could sing better. Thought I'd check this up here. Luck One, yeah, I did seem like a jerk in that thread. Again though, I was exaggerating things. I did stick my hand down her pants once, and she wasn't too happy about that...but heck, can you blame me? She was grinding on my groin and even put her hand on the area once. I thought I'd be a bit entitled to go for a feel, but I guess I was mistaken. If she didn't want to have sex she shouldn't have done so many things that IMPLY sex. Kissing is just fine.
zhsoj Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I'm not defending her at all. However, Kashmir's reaction (childish at best, outright VENGEFUL and cruel at worst) was wholly disproportionate to her wrong. (Not that two wrongs make a right anyway.) Telling her he's going to hit on a hot chick and telling her she could lose weight? I mean, I haven't heard sh*t like that since I overheard bullies in 4th grade. Sounds like you've been hurt by such words. Myself, I can handle being hurt by words. It's their actions that get to me. You say that this response is below the belt? Sure, it would be low. On the other hand: sticks and stones...
Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Sounds like you've been hurt by such words. Myself, I can handle being hurt by words. It's their actions that get to me. You say that this response is below the belt? Sure, it would be low. On the other hand: sticks and stones... No, I haven't. One doesn't have to have been hurt by certain words or actions to know that they're despicable. I'm clearly not the only one in this thread who thinks so.
Lucky_One Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Denial or defensive about what? Bud, you have some issues if you think that everyone who disagrees with a action is in denial or defensive about it.
zhsoj Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 No, I haven't. One doesn't have to have been hurt by certain words or actions to know that they're despicable. I'm clearly not the only one in this thread who thinks so. Lucky you. I think most guys can attest to the cruelty of the action. But I digress; it sounds to me as if your position on this is personal.
Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 denial? defensive? Didn't you agree with me before I even responded to this thread? Lucky you. I think most guys can attest to the cruelty of the action. But I digress; it sounds to me as if your position on this is personal. I'm glad you see the cruelty of what he said. As for me, it's not personal at all. I'm just hoping to shed some light for Kashmir as to why he's having such a hard time. He has a lot to learn from this situation - and particularly HIS REACTION - if he wants to. He just refuses to listen.
zenith Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Denial or defensive about what? Bud, you have some issues if you think that everyone who disagrees with a action is in denial or defensive about it. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, take a walk and mind your own business, bud. If you have to argue about everything and anything, then you have some serious issues... denial.. defensive insecure much?
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