Your SO being around attractive people

[mr.dream merchant]

How do you all handle your SO being around people more attractive than you looks and possible personality wise? Does it make you insecure at all? Me, I can't stand it. Yeah I'm insecure but I always assume the worst. I just play this scenario in my head where this attractive nice guy is gonna be around my GF at work and just slowly get close to her, flirt around with her, get her phone number and eventually get her to himself. I guess I have no faith in my game? I'm a handsome guy with a nice body, I just don't handle my GF being around guys who're more attractive than me by herself. It makes my mind wonder.

[Tony T]

How do you all handle your SO being around people more attractive than you looks and possible personality wise? Does it make you insecure at all? Me, I can't stand it. Yeah I'm insecure but I always assume the worst. I just play this scenario in my head where this attractive nice guy is gonna be around my GF at work and just slowly get close to her, flirt around with her, get her phone number and eventually get her to himself. I guess I have no faith in my game? I'm a handsome guy with a nice body, I just don't handle my GF being around guys who're more attractive than me by herself. It makes my mind wonder.

 

If that's as little trust and confidence you have in the loyalty of your SO, dump her now. Until the day you die, there will be times when she's around smarter, more attractive, richer men...they are all over the place. Just accept that. You will drive yourself nuts if you think about this. Hey, if she falls for one of them...you never had her in the first place.

 

Speaking for your SO, it's better she hangs out with smarter, more attractive, richer guys than with those with the level of trust and confidence that you have. Wish her the best!

[mr.dream merchant]

If that's as little trust and confidence you have in the loyalty of your SO, dump her now. Until the day you die, there will be times when she's around smarter, more attractive, richer men...they are all over the place. Just accept that. You will drive yourself nuts if you think about this. Hey, if she falls for one of them...you never had her in the first place.

 

Speaking for your SO, it's better she hangs out with smarter, more attractive, richer guys than with those with the level of trust and confidence that you have. Wish her the best!

 

Yeah you're right. If she does me wrong then what did I lose really? I guess its dumb to worry about things like this.

[Trialbyfire]

My last STR was with an actor. He spent part-time here and the balance either on-location or in Cali. The thought of another potential LDR was a no go, as well as having to see or hear about him constantly, true or not true, with many other women. We made a non-compatible couple, so I nipped it when it came time for his next shoot elsewhere.

 

Moral to the story is, if you can't handle it, don't do it.

 

I'm now with someone who doesn't create that feeling at all. I don't get possessive or feel any distrust because he's a guy who doesn't seem to need much, if any, external opposite gender validation. Our relationship just gets better and better.

 

Moral to that story is, find someone who meets your needs.

[mr.dream merchant]

Well its not so much of what she does, just my own insecurity. I'd never make her feel bad or subject her to any kind of mistreatment because of how I feel. I keep it all where it belongs, in my head. She never struck me as the type that needed opposite gender validation at all. My insecurities get me carried away sometimes. All the what ifs make you go crazy.

[Dumbledore]

If that's as little trust and confidence you have in the loyalty of your SO, dump her now. Until the day you die, there will be times when she's around smarter, more attractive, richer men...they are all over the place. Just accept that.

Great post. OP, accepting the uncertainties of tomorrow will make you a better person today.

It makes my mind wonder.

Wondering is what the mind does best.

[morelaugh]

It depends.

 

The idea of my H drooling over them, fantasising about them and comparing them with me would make me feel insecure. I don’t think he’s doing that though, so I don’t (usually) freak out over this.

 

I look at some men at work and how pathetic they become around attractive women. If my H acted that way I would be more embarrassed that anything else.

 

However, I never worry about him leaving me for them.

 

The best indication would be your gf’s attitude. Does she seem impressed by their looks (and possibly personality)?

 

I agree that you should trust, but trust is not blind and it comes through experience. If you haven’t been with your gf too long, you’re still building your trust and situations like this may even help in establishing more solid, not so easily shakeable confidence.

[Trialbyfire]

Well its not so much of what she does, just my own insecurity. I'd never make her feel bad or subject her to any kind of mistreatment because of how I feel. I keep it all where it belongs, in my head. She never struck me as the type that needed opposite gender validation at all. My insecurities get me carried away sometimes. All the what ifs make you go crazy.

So you feel you don't have enough inside you, to retain her interest? What does she do, to make you feel good about yourself? For example, does she tell you how much she cares about you or wants you in her life? Does she share problems with you, showing you she trusts your judgement and intellect? Does she do little things for you, that make you feel special?

[mr.dream merchant]

So you feel you don't have enough inside you, to retain her interest? What does she do, to make you feel good about yourself? For example, does she tell you how much she cares about you or wants you in her life? Does she share problems with you, showing you she trusts your judgement and intellect? Does she do little things for you, that make you feel special?

 

She does all of this and then some. She never drools or obssesses over good looking men. I'm just worried about her interest expiring in me. I always want to be that burning passion in her life. I get insecure when I think about myself becoming boring to her. I start feeling like she'll look at some new attractive guy at her workplace who's a genuinely nice guy and think to herself "Damn if I wasn't tied down to my boring BF I'd give that guy a chance". The insecurities I'm sure are there because we're coming out of our "honey moon" period of the relationship. We're becoming used to each other. I used to be very confident in myself when we first started talking, I was that new fresh young good looking guy who was pretty well endowed and very kind to her. It feels like she's just used to me being here now. She hasn't changed her attitude per say, she's just grown very used to me being in her life. The fire doesn't feel like its quite there anymore, or at least its not burning hot like it used to be.

[Lizzie60]

Hum... I wouldn't know.. never happened to me..

[morelaugh]

The fire doesn't feel like its quite there anymore, or at least its not burning hot like it used to be.

So who’s fire is dwindling down – yours or hers?

Are you projecting?

 

 

Although I don’t think it’s that.

 

I think it’s something else. Look at your user name. You sell dreams. And you sold some to her. She bought. Now you worried that she will come home (to reality) and find out that ‘what she got is not as good as it seemed”.

 

I’d say: relax. Be who you are, you don’t have to be impressive every single day. No one expect that from you. You’re getting closer. That’s good.

 

Don’t stop selling dreams though. Not only that it can be very attractive, but it is also who you are, isn’t it? A little dream here and there, you know what I mean. Use it to your advantage.

[voldigicam]

Can't be happy unless you're accepting of yourself. That's where the work needs to go. Or burn it out.

 

We're nudists. We go to nude resorts where hunks with big dicks hang around tanning. And cute girls with big hooters and erect nipples who haven't had kids bounce around. And this post is the first time I've noticed that we don't worry about this stuff one bit. Would never occur to me.

 

Of course, these are family resorts. Very mellow.

 

But if my SO suddenly said "This guy here is so hot and I find I'm attracted and can't help myself. Can I go screw him?" I would probably say "OK." Would get it out of her system. If she said "This girl here is so hot . . . ." then I'd probably respond "Can I come along, too?"

 

I suppose this response means we're secure with each other. I suggest getting comfortable with yourself and accepting yourself. You can't control what anyone else thinks or does.