Sweet326 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I've been in an LDR for 3 months now and, except for the fact that I miss him terribly, it has been good. He is very open with his feelings and we have contact everyday throughout the entire day. The last two days I've just been beside myself. Let me start by saying that when he hears a song that makes him think of me he will send me a text with the name of the song. On Friday I didn't hear anything from him until 5:30 (longest I've gone without hearing from him) and he sent me a text that said, "KC and the Sunshine Band - Please don't go. " I sent him a couple back, but didn't hear anything from him until the next morning. I told him I had a bad day the day before missing him terribly. He said, "My baby wish i was holding you let me know if you need to talk, love you" Then he wrote back and said, "Hi again, now I'm worried bout u my love, when is a good time to call?" Well, in a little while he called and just sounded down and unlike himself. I called him a little while later to see if he was okay and he just sounded different. ( Usually he is very enthusiastic and so full of love and passion). He assured me everything was okay. I still had a terrible feeling when I hung up so I sent him a text that said I still wasn't convinced and he called me. He said he just missed me terribly and that he ached for me and that if we were face to face I would be able to see that. We agreed that was the problem, that it's so hard to read someone from texts and short phone calls. He said he goes through the same worries and insecurities and we ended up having a great conversation with lots of laughing and I love yous. I was on my way out and he said to text him when I got home. He sent me a couple more texts while I was out and I sent him one when I got home. I was sure I would hear from him by now today and now I'm feeling terrible and insecure again. Why am I trying to read so much into everything? Why do I feel this need for constant reassurance? I've never been like this! Am I just being silly? Do you think it could be that I'm going from being married (divorce is final in 1 1/2 weeks) and used to having someone close by all the time to having an LDR?
Author Sweet326 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 still haven't heard from him today. After all that we talked about this weekend and after the text I sent him last night, I thought I was sure to hear from him by now. This last few days has been a definite change in the amount of communication. Just thinking of telling him this is just way to hard. Need some advice please!
Cora Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Hi Sweet326, Boy do I know how you feel. I am kind of in the same situation. It's so difficult going for days without hearing anything. It makes you question their love for you. It is going on day four for me without a word from him which is not unusual in my case but it still hurts nonetheless. I haven't contacted him and I refuse to. I'm not going to chase after him. I'm about ready to give up because this hurts so much. I don't understand how someone I love so much and who claimes to love me could do this to me. But I'm going to try not to think about it anymore because when I do I just start to cry all over again. I'm sure in your case your guy has a really good reason why he hasn't contacted you. Just hang in there and try to stay positive!! I know it's tough but if he truly loves you which it sounds like he does then you have nothing to worry about. I really hope you hear from him soon!! You are in my thoughts
KikiW Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Try to be patient, it could be any number of things... I know there have been times when my guy and I have miscommunicated simply due to technology failing us - our texts would get lost in space somewhere and then all come through at once hours and hours later. Early on in our relationship, I would take those opportunities to convince myself he really isn't that into me, his ex convinced him to move back with her, or he's just ready to throw in the towel. Thankfully that doesn't happen anymore, because it was getting exhausting. I've learned that LDRs are very different relationships. It's much easier to over-think things, over-analyze things, and at the same time you tend to be more in tune with subtle changes whether they are good or bad changes. Your feelings are perfectly natural, assuming my feelings are natural since I have gone through the same exact thing. Either that or we're both nuts. He sounds like a great guy, don't let him slip away without giving this a chance.
Author Sweet326 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Thank you, you guys are both so great! Cora, hang in there, I still think you need to really talk and get some things out in the open. I'm rooting for you because I see the love you feel. I feel the same about my guy and this is all so much harder than I expected! I hope you hear from him soon too. Kiwi, that has happened before. He's texted and I've never gotten it. I try to think that way, but, like you said, I've been over-thinking things and convincing myself that something has changed for him. I heard from him right before I read your posts. Just a hi baby how are you like everything is fine. I still haven't replied. A part of me thinks, "make him wait like I've waited all day" !!! Thanks Kiwi for saying not to let him slip away without giving him a chance because I was so close to telling him I just can't do this anymore. BTW, how long have been with your SO?
Island Girl Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Hi Sweet326 It is really easy in an LDR to get your head spinning with negative thoughts. It sounds like you are in that zone. We may have great conversations with our SO but it takes some time to get used to that form of communication and still feeling as reassured as we would if we were told "I love you" and got a big hug afterward. Don't beat yourself up for feeling insecure but at the same time try to remind yourself that you had a wonderful conversation just yesterday. I think you are setting yourself up with expectations. You sent a text and didn't get an immediate reply last night and that was the trigger. You already know texts can be unreliable. So if you do indeed send a text off you need to do so without expecting anything back immediately. I know it may seem nearly impossible. But to keep your sanity you must try. I really think he is enamored of you and you have nothing to worry about. The most difficult thing is having a great conversation an then having those pesky insecurities rise again. You are feeling them because you are feeling deep emotion and you are vulnerable. You have very little reassurance as far as what we are all used to because of the distance. You just have to keep telling yourself, it was fine the last time we talked and nothing has happened since then so what could have possibly changed his strong feelings for me? And the answer is nothing. What you may be insecure about is he will meet someone else there? But really, if you were to meet a good looking seemingly nice man right now would all that you feel for your boyfriend just go away? No. And it would not for him as well. So this is not a true possibility. It is not something that, if you play the odds, would happen.
KikiW Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Sweet, we've been pretty serious since last summer, met for the first time face-to-face in early October.
Author Sweet326 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Thanks Island Girl, you always make me feel so much better!
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