RM0123 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I am on a emotional roller coaster for sure. It has been a month and a half since the break up. How is it that I now know what we had probably wasn't the best but still want him back? I feel uncomfortable all the time. I am trying to get out and meet new people and do new things but as soon as something doesn't work out or I feel rejected, I lose it. Every time I leave a social situation I break down in my car. I cry almost as hard, if not harder, than when we first broke up. I miss calling or texting him when I am uncomfortable, insecure or upset which only makes those times worse. I look at the other couples around me and desperately miss the affection I got from him. I feel like I see girls that resemble the possible "new girl" everywhere even though she is several states away. I feel like I am never going to feel comfortable again. I am scared I will never meet someone else. I am afraid I will never have the same feeling for someone else. When we started dating I was only 19. Now I am 26. It has been so long since I have been alone. Dating at 19 is so different than at 26. I am not sure I know how to do it. Are things going to work out? Are they going to get easier? Will I ever feel at peace? Will I ever feel comfortable again?
lonelygurl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I am on a emotional roller coaster for sure. It has been a month and a half since the break up. How is it that I now know what we had probably wasn't the best but still want him back? I feel uncomfortable all the time. I am trying to get out and meet new people and do new things but as soon as something doesn't work out or I feel rejected, I lose it. Every time I leave a social situation I break down in my car. I cry almost as hard, if not harder, than when we first broke up. I miss calling or texting him when I am uncomfortable, insecure or upset which only makes those times worse. I look at the other couples around me and desperately miss the affection I got from him. I feel like I see girls that resemble the possible "new girl" everywhere even though she is several states away. I feel like I am never going to feel comfortable again. I am scared I will never meet someone else. I am afraid I will never have the same feeling for someone else. When we started dating I was only 19. Now I am 26. It has been so long since I have been alone. Dating at 19 is so different than at 26. I am not sure I know how to do it. Are things going to work out? Are they going to get easier? Will I ever feel at peace? Will I ever feel comfortable again? when you say you are going out, I would hope that it isn't dating, because you sound no where near ready to date. A month and a half is not a very long time since a break up. I'm into two months and I mentioned the other day that my counselor and I have decided that as of sometime last week I have left the first stage which is denial, which puts you into shock. I had some anger mixed in there which is part of the second stage, but I was avoiding a lot. Avoiding believing that the break up was real, which is the denial stage. Now I am engrossed with such intense pain it is unbearable and the depression is worse. I already suffer from major depression, and am on medication changes, so it makes it all the worse to start into the depression stage of my break up. I can not believe how horrific the pain becomes. I just feel numb with pain and cry uncontrollably. My therapist said for the length of my relationship it could take a year or more for me to really start to feel okay. She said it would probably be at least six months of pure depression. Someone posted to me about not putting a time line on the grieving and it's true. I have also been putting up a link to what I have found a very helpful grieving site with many links. I have also bought a book on grieving my counselor recommended, that was written by the woman who designed the stages of grieving. It is called On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I also the first time my X dumped me bought a book called Don't Call That Man. It is an excellent book on the grieving, recovering from rejection, problems that stem from our inadequate childhood, feelings of abandonment, and obsessive behaviors...it is not a fluff book. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
sinkerswim Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Oh ((®)) I know what you mean about feeling so alone without him... I feel the EXACT same way... Him and I were so compatible together..and so comfortable.. and now I am ALONE in this world without him by my side. I too, want to pick up the phone and call when something goes wrong..something we were used to doing. I wish I can tell you when it gets easier..but Im not sure yet. Ive only been gone a week today... I am hurting like hell too. I am right beside you in this.. I wish we can exchange phone numbers..because I feel the SAME WAY. HANG IN... its all we can do.
EmperorR Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Trust me it does get easier, it takes time and alot of work on your part.
lonetiger Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 i have to agree with lonelygurl, tht you are not ready to jump in and start dating different men at this point. I have been one month and 3 days into my loss and although each day seems to be getting somewhat easier, he is in my thoughts daily. I recently went on a date this past weekend with someone i have known for a long time...and the hardest thing...they have the same name. So everytime I would call him by his name, I ended up thinking of the guy I just lost. Although I want a relationship and everything that goes with it, I myself truly am not ready for it...reason being..I am not over the guy I just lost. It totally would be unfair for anyone who chooses to want to get to know me, if my heart and thoughts are for someone else. I know what you are saying when you state that you see couples all around you and how you begin to miss him...it's hard sweetie. Only you will know when will be the right time for you to move on and get back into the swing of dating again. right now, take this time and begin to heal. it's not easy and there are days that are harder than others. cry if you want to, scream if you need to, but we are here for you!! this site has helped me soo much and i hope you will find the same comfort as I have.
BCCA Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 It doesnt help that V-day is this weekend, either. I think all of us that have been dumped recently (its been 6 months for me, and it still hurts...bad) feels it even more this time of year. The hardest thing to realize is that if youre not ready to meet someone, anyone you meet wont work out. Ive tried, and really, I just keep going home dissapointed and feeling rejected. I've gotten more variations of 'its not you, its me' over the last few months than I was aware existed. You reach a point where its just time to stop banging your head against the same wall, and take a break. Relax for a bit, hang out with friends, and make an effort to not worry about dating. Some one will find you when youre ready, but when you try and replace one relationship with another, it never works.
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