tuscansun Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 To make very long story short, ex and I broke up over a year ago, had been together for almost 4 years, first everything etc... didn't plan for it to be permanent but then he got mad and started dating girl from his office (that I detest). We spent a good year just nasty arguing, pointing fingers casting blame etc...you know how it goes. We finally have calmed down. He says he somewhat regrets dating the new girl because he did it impulsively but now he feels like he's in it, and they get along fine and they've worked together for years and he'd feel like a douche just cutting it off because she warned him when he first asked her out that the last thing she wanted to be was his rebound, as the whole office knew me and how me and ex had been planning wedding and blah blah blah...anyways, all that isn't important, I've posted about all that crap. I'm pretty sure he doesn't plan on staying with her forever. Big thing now is, since the lava has cooled, he's coming to my city (about 150 miles from where he is now) to spend the day with me. I had been under the impression that he was just coming for lunch and then would drive back, but he admitted that he plans on staying here for the night at an old roommate's house. I know he doesn't plan on staying with me because im home with the folks right now saving some bucks and he knows this...But it's strange that he's giving us this much room to just go do whatever all day...instead of confining it to lunch. We miss each other, we've admitted that and it's weird that he's being kinda flirty and so open to this...he's Mr. faithful and up until recently has been really leery of us talking too much or spending any kind of time together as not to be lame to the new chick, plus I'd been so pissed it wasn't even an issue---I didn't want to see him. The whole situation is big and sticky and maybe Ill post more later, right now all I wanna know is, WHAT DO I WEAR, HOW DO I ACT, WHERE DO I TAKE HIM??! I'd be lying if I said I didn't totally want him back but I won't be devious and I'm not going to try to get him into bed or anything. Please no advice on whether or not I should see him, I have enough of see him/dont see him advice from friends and family. This is something I need to do, I just want ideas on how to be hot but not trashy, sexy but not easy and tempting but not overtly sexual. Ive lost 7 pounds already, i plan on looking as great as possible....come on you guys know I have to.....ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS???? He's attracted to me physically that is very much a given, so I guess the question is more how to behave in this particular situation?
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 To make very long story short, ex and I broke up over a year ago, had been together for almost 4 years, first everything etc... didn't plan for it to be permanent but then he got mad and started dating girl from his office (that I detest). We spent a good year just nasty arguing, pointing fingers casting blame etc...you know how it goes. We finally have calmed down. He says he somewhat regrets dating the new girl because he did it impulsively but now he feels like he's in it, and they get along fine and they've worked together for years and he'd feel like a douche just cutting it off because she warned him when he first asked her out that the last thing she wanted to be was his rebound, as the whole office knew me and how me and ex had been planning wedding and blah blah blah...anyways, all that isn't important, I've posted about all that crap. I'm pretty sure he doesn't plan on staying with her forever. Big thing now is, since the lava has cooled, he's coming to my city (about 150 miles from where he is now) to spend the day with me. I had been under the impression that he was just coming for lunch and then would drive back, but he admitted that he plans on staying here for the night at an old roommate's house. I know he doesn't plan on staying with me because im home with the folks right now saving some bucks and he knows this...But it's strange that he's giving us this much room to just go do whatever all day...instead of confining it to lunch. We miss each other, we've admitted that and it's weird that he's being kinda flirty and so open to this...he's Mr. faithful and up until recently has been really leery of us talking too much or spending any kind of time together as not to be lame to the new chick, plus I'd been so pissed it wasn't even an issue---I didn't want to see him. The whole situation is big and sticky and maybe Ill post more later, right now all I wanna know is, WHAT DO I WEAR, HOW DO I ACT, WHERE DO I TAKE HIM??! I'd be lying if I said I didn't totally want him back but I won't be devious and I'm not going to try to get him into bed or anything. Please no advice on whether or not I should see him, I have enough of see him/dont see him advice from friends and family. This is something I need to do, I just want ideas on how to be hot but not trashy, sexy but not easy and tempting but not overtly sexual. Ive lost 7 pounds already, i plan on looking as great as possible....come on you guys know I have to.....ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS???? He's attracted to me physically that is very much a given, so I guess the question is more how to behave in this particular situation? Im a lot older than you are so maybe this wont help but if you were together for 4 years I dont think what you wear will make a difference to him(not in a bad way). Im sure youve seen each other at your worse so youre probably past the superficial stage. Just wear what you would normally. Its obvious hes having 2nd thoughts about his decision. I dont mean this in a bad way but worry a little less about trying to entice him and more about if he wants you back and you agree that he will have to prove himself to you. Not in a spiteful way either but show him youre not 2nd best or a fall back As far as things to do, just do something you would do as a friend. Except DO NOT drink. Dont cheapen the day
Author tuscansun Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Im a lot older than you are so maybe this wont help but if you were together for 4 years I dont think what you wear will make a difference to him(not in a bad way). Im sure youve seen each other at your worse so youre probably past the superficial stage. Just wear what you would normally. Its obvious hes having 2nd thoughts about his decision. I dont mean this in a bad way but worry a little less about trying to entice him and more about if he wants you back and you agree that he will have to prove himself to you. Not in a spiteful way either but show him youre not 2nd best or a fall back As far as things to do, just do something you would do as a friend. Except DO NOT drink. Dont cheapen the day Great points thank you. It's been so weird getting used to not being with him...but now that I have I forget that he's seen me naked, seen me barfing, seen me hot, and seen me hideous...you're right, he knows what I look like. The thing is Ive changed a lot since we broke up, and I really want him to know that, but him getting the idea to come down here and sorta 'feel me out' is pretty unsettling. As much as he says it's not a test, I KNOW it is....He's totally testing me. And I don't want to feel like I have to put on some kind of pre-school 'look at me' act. But at the same time I am kinda excited to show him some of the stuff Ive gotten into since we've been apart...I'm trying to be strong but I love him so much and I really am a wreck over the whole thing. He means a lot to me...
dead-dyke Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I've had a very similar experience this past weekend. I had told my ex wife to never contact me again before Christmas over some frivolous stupid stuff. We've been apart for almost two years. Divorced since Oct. 08. My mother had been rushed to the hospital, and not a minute too soon, as she was seriously ill. I thought I should call the ex, even though I was conflicted. She was kind enough to offer a ride up to see her and my dad, and after some back and forth, accepted, as she was very close to the two of them. So we were together for the weekend, and believe it or not, we got along famously. It was like this had forced us together, and while mom was ok, we started getting to know each other again. But remember, we were on our best behaviour too. But we just acted natural, and everything worked out fine for the weekend. Since then, we've spoken everyday since I first called her. Just be yourself. The rest will come naturally. PS- we were together a total of 8 years. My ex also noticed the changes, apparently. I thought I acted normal, but, I was told she made a comment to my mum about my attitude. He'll notice. Don't put on a show, or it will come off as fake.
eclipseIDE Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Great points thank you. It's been so weird getting used to not being with him...but now that I have I forget that he's seen me naked, seen me barfing, seen me hot, and seen me hideous...you're right, he knows what I look like. The thing is Ive changed a lot since we broke up, and I really want him to know that, but him getting the idea to come down here and sorta 'feel me out' is pretty unsettling. As much as he says it's not a test, I KNOW it is....He's totally testing me. And I don't want to feel like I have to put on some kind of pre-school 'look at me' act. But at the same time I am kinda excited to show him some of the stuff Ive gotten into since we've been apart...I'm trying to be strong but I love him so much and I really am a wreck over the whole thing. He means a lot to me... I know this sounds cliched but its true, just be the person you are today. Have self respect for yourself. You have to live with you(no one else). If he is going to judge you and doesnt like the person you are today then youre not the right people for each other. Never sell yourself short to impress someone.
Author tuscansun Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 Yeah Im much calmer about it all. I plan to be myself and Im sure itll be great. Im really excited!!!! We've come such a long way.....I pray this is the first step of many
sunshinegirl Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 To be honest your ex sounds like a coward. He hasn't manned up to break up with a woman he doesn't truly care about...and I would place bets that he won't until he's sure you would take him back. Yuck. Grow a spine, dude. But that's just my opinion, I'm clearly not emotionally tangled up with him. I would strongly advise that you not let him cross any romantic lines when you meet. If you do, you will signal to him that it's okay to flirt/be romantic with a woman who is NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND. By showing some respect to his current girlfriend, you will signal that you require the same degree of respect for yourself. Don't let him play the both of you to get what he wants. Focus less on how you can impress him; focus instead on how he needs to impress YOU.
Recommended Posts