Paying or trading for sex, VOLUME II - Questions for females

[Tony T]

I was reading this thread, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t178960/, and many questions came to mind that I've always wanted to ask:

 

1. How do females feel about having sex in return for some favor like a place to stay, use of a car, going on a trip, etc.? Has anyone here ever attempted or entered into such a transaction? I've had overtures made to me a number of times...was very uncomfortable...but found it amusing that the morals of the day seemed to make many comfortable with doing this. Just want to know more...about what's happening in the world.

 

2. Do females sleep with the person they're dating, if they decide to do so, out of a sense of society's expectations, a sense of obligation, a way to get their own rocks off, an expectation that doing so will lead to a commitment, etc.? What was/is it for you if applicable?

 

3. Do females expect a sexual overture to be made to them fairly soon when they begin seeing someone, does it vary or do they prefer to wait until a solid connection develops? What is it for you? Do you feel an obligation to have sex with a date...more than a true desire to do so?

 

If you don't have your own experience to take from, could you please relate that of a friend, acquaintance or some other situation you may be familiar with. Age ranges would be helpful to understand this from a generational standpoint.

 

Many thanks for your answers!

[OpenBook]

1. How do females feel about having sex in return for some favor like a place to stay, use of a car, going on a trip, etc.? Has anyone here ever attempted or entered into such a transaction?

 

No, I don't recall ever doing this. [OpenBook scratches her head.] I've never slept with anyone whom I didn't already want to bed anyway... regardless of whether or not there was a favor involved. (One time I gave my then-H coupons for blowjobs for his birthday... but that was always a pleasure for me anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. Although he did appreciate the thought!) Probably TMI, sorry.

 

2. Do females sleep with the person they're dating, if they decide to do so, out of a sense of society's expectations, a sense of obligation, a way to get their own rocks off, an expectation that doing so will lead to a commitment, etc.? What was/is it for you if applicable?

 

I have always enjoyed sex. Always. I'm one of those who thinks that the words "bad" and "sex" should never be in the same sentence. But that said... When I was younger, yes it was usually done with the mindset of hoping/expecting to get closer to the guy so that it would lead to commitment. But more recently I've been more relaxed about it... probably because I'm a lot wiser about the type of man I invite into my bed!! I avoid the jerks now (like the plague), and am nice to the ones who are likely to actually care about me as a human being the next day.

 

3. Do females expect a sexual overture to be made to them fairly soon when they begin seeing someone, does it vary or do they prefer to wait until a solid connection develops?

 

Oh absolutely, I EXPECT the sexual overture at the beginning! Otherwise, what's the point in dating someone if it's not going to eventually lead to sex??

 

Do you feel an obligation to have sex with a date...more than a true desire to do so?

 

No, I don't feel obligated. And I'm happy to say that none of the men I've ever dated have tried to make me FEEL obligated. Some are more hopeful and aggressive about it than others... but none of them ever tried to make me feel bad about not sleeping with them.

 

Age ranges would be helpful to understand this from a generational standpoint.

 

I'm 48.

 

Many thanks for your answers!

 

You're welcome. Now I'm curious - why do you want to know???

[Trialbyfire]

1. How do females feel about having sex in return for some favor like a place to stay, use of a car, going on a trip, etc.? Has anyone here ever attempted or entered into such a transaction? I've had overtures made to me a number of times...was very uncomfortable...but found it amusing that the morals of the day seemed to make many comfortable with doing this. Just want to know more...about what's happening in the world.

 

Not something I would ever consider.

 

2. Do females sleep with the person they're dating, if they decide to do so, out of a sense of society's expectations, a sense of obligation, a way to get their own rocks off, an expectation that doing so will lead to a commitment, etc.? What was/is it for you if applicable?

 

I only sleep with someone I'm fully invested in, who reciprocates the same. Without that kind of mutual commitment, there's no reason to have sex since for me, it will only bond me to someone who's not all in which equates to heartache. While sometimes I wish I could compartmentalize, I can't so why try to fool myself.

 

3. Do females expect a sexual overture to be made to them fairly soon when they begin seeing someone, does it vary or do they prefer to wait until a solid connection develops? What is it for you? Do you feel an obligation to have sex with a date...more than a true desire to do so?

 

In my experience, the men who've jumped right into sexual overtures, have been the ones who aren't looking for any commitment or tend to be shallow individuals. This is fine but not my thing. If I'm not in the zone for commitment, the last thing I'm going to do is to bond with someone like that.

 

No, I never feel an obligation to have sex with a date. It should be a natural progression between two honestly invested individuals.

 

I'm 34 years old.

[burningashes]

1. How do females feel about having sex in return for some favor like a place to stay, use of a car, going on a trip, etc.? Has anyone here ever attempted or entered into such a transaction? I've had overtures made to me a number of times...was very uncomfortable...but found it amusing that the morals of the day seemed to make many comfortable with doing this. Just want to know more...about what's happening in the world.

 

No, I haven't done anything in that context and wouldn't consider it. However, in relationships, I have made "trades" with my boyfriends, for instance, if he gives me a backrub, I'll give him one too. Such trades are awesome

 

2. Do females sleep with the person they're dating, if they decide to do so, out of a sense of society's expectations, a sense of obligation, a way to get their own rocks off, an expectation that doing so will lead to a commitment, etc.? What was/is it for you if applicable?

 

Well, yes, I slept with my ex for a while after he broke up with me hoping he'd fully commit to me again, as pathetic as that was. It went on for a very long time until I had enough and finally left, I am only sorry that I let myself be trapped by the hope of commitment that was never going to happen for so long. I am now wiser and will never hope for commitment from someone just because I slept with him. Why pay for the cow if you've got for free, right?

 

3. Do females expect a sexual overture to be made to them fairly soon when they begin seeing someone, does it vary or do they prefer to wait until a solid connection develops? What is it for you? Do you feel an obligation to have sex with a date...more than a true desire to do so?

 

If you don't have your own experience to take from, could you please relate that of a friend, acquaintance or some other situation you may be familiar with. Age ranges would be helpful to understand this from a generational standpoint.

 

Hmm, in my experience, I've gotten hints from my boyfriends before I dated them that they were physically attracted to me and wanted to go further with me. I wouldn't say I expect it though, I would prefer to wait until a more solid connection develops unless I'm just looking to get laid. I've never felt obliged to have sex with a date, unless I WANTED to- I've never slept with anyone I didn't want to sleep with, date or not and I've made it clear whenever I'm not interested. It hasn't been an issue so far, and I hope it keeps going that way.

 

I'm 25.

 

 

Many thanks for your answers!

[serial muse]

1. How do females feel about having sex in return for some favor like a place to stay, use of a car, going on a trip, etc.? Has anyone here ever attempted or entered into such a transaction? I've had overtures made to me a number of times...was very uncomfortable...but found it amusing that the morals of the day seemed to make many comfortable with doing this. Just want to know more...about what's happening in the world.

 

I wouldn't ever do this. Have never considered offering such a thing, and would certainly say no if asked.

 

2. Do females sleep with the person they're dating, if they decide to do so, out of a sense of society's expectations, a sense of obligation, a way to get their own rocks off, an expectation that doing so will lead to a commitment, etc.? What was/is it for you if applicable?

 

I sleep with the person I'm dating out of desire for him...it's never been any other way. I have dated one or two people in the past that I eventually realized I did not feel very strong desire for, and so I ended the relationship. That's pretty much it. And the timing (when the relationship becomes sexual) doesn't have anything to do with society's expectations, obligations, commitment, etc. - see below. Just with where I am in life, I guess.

 

3. Do females expect a sexual overture to be made to them fairly soon when they begin seeing someone, does it vary or do they prefer to wait until a solid connection develops? What is it for you? Do you feel an obligation to have sex with a date...more than a true desire to do so?

 

It has varied for me. In all honesty it doesn't necessarily depend on the guy, either - contrary to conventional wisdom, it usually has to do with my own state of mind. Following my divorce I was all kinds of messed up. In the first two flings/relationships I had following the divorce I wanted action right away, which probably had to do with wanting to feel desirable. Then, as I got my head together, I decided it would be better for me and for anyone I was genuinely interested in if I took a little more time and was a little more cautious before getting physical. My current BF says I made him wait a bit longer than he's used to but it's not like I held him at arm's length for ages. Just didn't want to jump in the sack on the 2nd date. And we're still together, years later, so it doesn't seem to have hurt us any.

 

That said - I don't mind a sexual overture early on...if I'm not ready, I'll say so, and I guess if that's a problem for the guy it's good for both of us to know right off the bat. And at times I've also made the first sexual overture myself.

 

If you don't have your own experience to take from, could you please relate that of a friend, acquaintance or some other situation you may be familiar with. Age ranges would be helpful to understand this from a generational standpoint.

 

Many thanks for your answers!

 

I'm 37. I'm also curious about why you're asking. Perhaps I should check out that link...

[shadowplay]

Where are you picking up these women? At soup kitchens? I've never heard of a normal woman exchanging sex for transportation/food/etc.

 

I'll have sex with a guy if I'm attracted to him and I feel like it. I don't barter goods for sex.

[The Collector]

Thousands of women have given head to a roadie to get backstage. None of them are ever going to admit it.

[Ramrod]

Geez, Tony, ...who knew you were so naive'? How do you think women survive? LOL

[marlena]

I'll have sex with a guy if I'm attracted to him and I feel like it. I don't barter goods for sex.

 

Absolutely. Only if I want to and never in exchange for something. I can provide for myself, very well, thank you.

 

As for the sexual overture, I expect it to happen very soon. I like sexually assertive men. They're sexy.

 

No, I don't expect more but am happy if it happens when and if if I sense a connection with the man. Otherwise, it is just sex for sex. What I mean to say is that I don't use sex as a tool to hook a man.

[Adunaphel]

1. How do females feel about having sex in return for some favor like a place to stay, use of a car, going on a trip, etc.? Has anyone here ever attempted or entered into such a transaction? I've had overtures made to me a number of times...was very uncomfortable...but found it amusing that the morals of the day seemed to make many comfortable with doing this. Just want to know more...about what's happening in the world.

 

It is not something I would ever consider.

But then, again, I am not so sure that the line between "having sex with a guy in return for a trip" and "going on a trip with a guy and having sex with him" is very defined.

And I could picture myself having sex with a guy because he helped me out in a bad situation and it triggered some emotions and I got emotionally attached.

Also, it's too easy for me to say that I'd never offer sex in return for some favor... Luckily I have never been desperate so far, and I do not really know I would actually react in times of need.

But I'm sure that I would never deliberately offer sex to go on a fancy trip or engage in other forms of gold digging. I would not date a guy for his money, either.

 

2. Do females sleep with the person they're dating, if they decide to do so, out of a sense of society's expectations, a sense of obligation, a way to get their own rocks off, an expectation that doing so will lead to a commitment, etc.? What was/is it for you if applicable?

...out of feeling in love and being confortable with the person?

Anyway if I sleep with someone I am dating, I either feel committed or I am hoping for a committment.

It's not that I think stringless sex is bad... it's just not my cup of tea.

I got sexual with guys in my part because I felt obligated to do so, though.

 

3. Do females expect a sexual overture to be made to them fairly soon when they begin seeing someone, does it vary or do they prefer to wait until a solid connection develops? What is it for you? Do you feel an obligation to have sex with a date...more than a true desire to do so?

 

I like to wait a bit...I love it when the other person is fine with waiting, too. If he'd rather get sexual sooner than I do, I end up feeling guilty/obliged/the nedd to apologize.

 

BTW, what do you exactly mean with "sexual overture?"

Asking for sex explicitely? Touching the other person in their genital area? Trying to remove their clothes? Hinting at having sex? Testing the waters to see whether the other person is interested in having sex?

I am asking because I am a bit confused.

If I know that a guy would *love* to have sex with me right there and then but he acts very gentlemanly, can it be considered a sexual overture?

If the guy is not explicit and respects my timing I feel way more confortable and less pressured even if it is clear that he'd love to have sex as much as the guy who makes an explicit avance.

 

BTW, I am 30. I know a LOT of girls who 'trade' sex, but it is so subtle that they probably do not even know it themselves.

If you have sex on a weekend in Venice with a guy you'd never have sex with on a weekend in your home town, then you are trading sex for a trip, in my book.

[serial muse]

Thousands of women have given head to a roadie to get backstage. None of them are ever going to admit it.

 

I don't know about that. I bet they would admit it, on an anonymous forum. Why not?

 

But you know, it doesn't mean that the half-dozen people who've replied so far are lying, either.

 

So. Apocryphal stories: thousands. Actual first-hand reports: what, five or six? Take from that what scientific results you will, I suppose. Perhaps the people who are interested doing whatever they can just to get backstage aren't particularly interested in hanging out on a message board. >shrug< Dunno.