silvergirl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now, and he is the biggest "white" liar I know. He constantly lies to me about the smallest stuff and I hate it. Honesty is so important to me, and I have a very hard time trusting him because of it. Just yesterday I found out he lied to me about getting off early from work. He claims he worked all day, but he really was home at noon. I know he wasn't doing anything, because my friend is his neighbor and knows he was home. Anyway.....Why Lie??????
wuggle Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Usual reasons that I know of 1) embarrassment. 2) to protect someone elses feelings. 3) to make yourself more interesting. 4) for personal gain. 5) you're a wank*r and can't help it. maybe he took the afternoon off to watch porn and whack off - scores on all 5 points
Author silvergirl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I know he lies sometimes to make himself more interesting. He exaggerates the truth, he told me when we first started dating about things he had in his home, etc..., which I came to find out later he didn't have. I just don't know, do you confront someone like this, or let it be?
wuggle Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 If you really think he is lying to make himself more interesting then IMO you should tell him it is having the opposite effect and making him look like an idiot. The embarrasment might make him change. If not tell him your going to ditch him unless he grows up.
pandagirl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I find lying, even white lies, a really bad trait that is indicative of a deeper issue within that person. It doesn't make sense to me. I guess while his white lies are nothing more than an annoyance right now, I guess the bigger over all problem, is how do you know if he's not lying about something bigger?
Author silvergirl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I know, that's my problem, if he lies about such small things, then what the hell else is he lying about!!!! I am so frustrated with this. I feel so insecure in our relationship because of it.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 It would be a worry to me too. Apart from the pettiness of the lies you know about, it would make you wonder on the bigger, more important things. Where does he draw a line and then become honest? Do the little white lies make it easier to tell the big lies? Even if it is just the little lies, you are already finding it annoying. Do you really want to stay in this kind of relationship? If you want to be with him, you have to tackle this sooner rather than later.
pandagirl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I know, that's my problem, if he lies about such small things, then what the hell else is he lying about!!!! I am so frustrated with this. I feel so insecure in our relationship because of it. I can't believe you've been with this guy for four years! You seem to feel very insecure about this situation -- I would, too. Your partner is supposed to be one of the people you trust *most*. Question: do you have any idea on how to resolve this issue? Like, even if you brought it up to him, how could you ever be sure of his honesty?
Illiandra Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 to lie about small things will eventually lead to lieing about bigger things, its a proven theory in any psychological / socialigical classes. if your with someone for 4 yrs no reason to lie to make it seem like hes a more interesting person, Honestly can you stand being with someone for more then 4 years even with the white lies?
amaysngrace Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Point blank call him a liar. Then recount all the ways he's lied. Don't sugarcoat anything or dance around the subject. Come right out with it. Sometimes people need to hear it like that for it to take effect. If he makes excuses you find inexcusable then drop it and dump him.
Tony T Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now, and he is the biggest "white" liar I know. He constantly lies to me about the smallest stuff and I hate it. Honesty is so important to me, and I have a very hard time trusting him because of it. Just yesterday I found out he lied to me about getting off early from work. He claims he worked all day, but he really was home at noon. I know he wasn't doing anything, because my friend is his neighbor and knows he was home. Anyway.....Why Lie?????? This type of lying is a classic characteristic of a narcissist. Do a Google and see if he has some of the other characteristics of a narcissist and, if so, don't walk but run out of that relationship. Otherwise, just get used to the lying. It is often a behavior learned in childhood and, when left unchecked, passes into adulthood because it serves some untold purpose.
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