Mctransporter Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 This is my first time posting in these forums. I read over a bunch of threads trying to find one that i could relate to, and after a few hours i just said **** it. So I registered and here i am. Over a year ago, i was head over heels "in love" [which i now consider lust, not sure if thats a defense mechanism or what] with a girl. She treated me like absolute ****. She never brought me around her friends, she would ignore my calls just so i would call more, and she broke my heart by becoming best friends with my sister [who i've always had jealousy issues with]. We dated for about 6 months, and it took from november to may [7 months] for me to even want to see anybody else. So i started dating this girl, Kylie, to get my mind off of haylee, who i still couldn't go an hour or so without thinking about. After about 6 months with her, [a bland and boring, but time consuming relationship] I met another girl on Myspace named Desiree. Me and Desiree hit it off right off the bat, but i couldn't justify leaving my girlfriend of 6 months [who i said i wanted to spend forever with] for her. sidenote: I have a fear of relationships ending, and i thought i wanted to be with haylee forever, and she left me, and i just didnt think i could handle it again. Well about a month later, Kylie breaks up with me, says she needs some space, and needs to figure stuff out. I fought it at first, but then later said okay. For weeks she gave no sign of wanting to get back together, so I asked her twin if she thought i should move on and give desiree a chance. Her twin said yes, that kylie wasn't ready for a relationship. So I finally went to hang out with Desiree. It couldn't have gone better. I am a serial relationshipist and she is a hookup type of girl, but i won her over and we were blissfully happy for a month. Until one night, i got drunk with her best friend and spent the night with her. I got really close to her in bed and kinda rubbed myself against her. I consider myself the most loyal person ever!! i don't know what came over me. I got so guilty i told Desiree the second i saw her. i have 3 reasons why i may have done what i did: I was jealous of their relationship [they are ex-girlfriends/best friends and its obvious her bff wants to be with her] I was intoxicated and was feeling unwanted by my girlfriend, because she wouldn't/supposedly couldn't come over and hottub/drink with us. I was so scared of her doing that with my sister and completely betraying me beyond repair, that i did it to her first. So, incase she did/does it to me, she will DESERVE my forgiveness. My girlfriend forgave me for what i did, but was is sensitive about the situation. About 2 weeks later, she asked me to get her best friend to say she liked me and stuff, so she could be sure that she cant trust her. I said i wanted to do it, and i texted her dirty things that i wanted to do with her. I later talked to my gf on the phone and didnt mention the things i said. Her best friends mom got her cell phone and forwarded the messages i sent. Desiree said that it was over and that was it, and i said it was part of the plan! She wouldn't hear a word of it, saying that i didn't tell her that i said those things, and really i forgot! She had been at a superbowl party with her that day and we hadn't really talked much. It's been ten days since that has happened, and she still isnt letting up at all. She didn't say the word space, but said she doesn't want a girlfriend right now. She doesn't want to put herself in front of a moving train. She doesn't want to commit herself to someone that will just **** her over. Since i've been with her, everything stopped reminding me of haylee, and now everything reminds me of her. I love her so much more than haylee [although more protected because we learn from our mistakes]. We hang out with her friends, and go eat sushi, and go to movies, and drink and party. I love every minute i spend with her. Well today I went all day without talking to her, which is something for me. I've been texting and calling every day and she ignores me 50-75 percent of the time. I feel so needy, pitiful and obsessive. I just want to be real, and not play stupid games. I told her tonight that i wanted to stop texting her all the time and i dont know why i cant just stop. she said "just stop seriously. Dont make me be like all the other girls. I dont want to have to ignore you but you're giving me no other choice" I responded "god. i dont want it to be this way. I will leave." then "I have to learn to love myself even if i'm not perfect and believe a girl will love everything about me. And if she doesn't then i need to have the strength to move on. bye for now desiree" she didn't respond, but maybe she fell asleep. [that's what im telling myself anyway] she says that in the future we can be friends and see where it goes from there, but we were never friends before we started dating. I don't know what to do. I waited 7 months on haylee and she never came around. Maybe people realize there is better out there and they move on. I've already messed up the whole playing hard to get, and not tipping the scales. I want the upperhand, but she broke up with me, and i've been texting calling myspacing pretty much constantly. She has a lot more friends than i do. She has a supportive family. She has things to keep her preoccupied. I've reconnected with some older friends. I dont have a good family life at all. And all i can think about is her. She said i am her first love, and she wants me in her life, but she isn't acting like it. I am acting like i want her in my life, and i feel like i'm annoying her and pushing her away. She doesn't want to talk about us breaking up and stuff of that sort, but i am so depressed. I want to kill myself, [i would never tell her this] but i see no reason of living. No hope. Love comes and goes, and i can barely tell if it is worth it. I have never lost her before, and I feel like I learned what i lost too late. She is so amazing. I know i would never hurt her again, and I am just ****ed up, and have wayyy too many defense mechanisms. I need a second/third chance. [second in my mind, because those texts meant NOTHING] But she says she is not near ready. I need to get her back! I'm so impatient. Please someone give me advice. Im 18 by the way, so is she. She lives 25 minutes away, and i have a car and she doesn't but i was driving out there everyday to see her. I dont think i can ever be that happy again. We had sex all the time, and would talk on the phone for hours. I was smoking pot everyday for 2 years and was seriously addicted to it [dont tell me you cant be addicted to it, because you can and i was]. I didn't want to go a day without smoking, and i would find a way to get money, and when i had it i would smoke 4-5 times a day. I have stopped smoking for 9 days, to prove to her how serious i am, and she said she was proud, but only when i asked "are you proud of me for reaching my goal of nine days?". I am trying to be happier with myself, more independant, less reliant, less needy, but i am bipolar, so i find myself just having to talk to her somehow. What would you do in my shoes?
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Back off and grow up. You flit from one relationship to another but you are still thinking about the past. Plus regarding Kylie you described the relationship as: [a bland and boring, but time consuming relationship] But then say: but i couldn't justify leaving my girlfriend of 6 months [who i said i wanted to spend forever with] So over the last few months there has been Haylee, Kylie, Desiree, Desiree's best friend. Be on your own. Get yourself sorted and figure out what you want before you start messing around with any other women. It is you who is not ready to be in a relationship.
Author Mctransporter Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 me and haylee ended in november 2007. i got with kylie in may of 2008. She was someone i was comfortable with, and i thought i could sacrifice the physical attraction and sexlife for someone that could actually be committed. Because even though haylee said she was committed, it was obvious she wasn't. Desiree excited me and it was the first person since haylee i actually wanted to be with. This was in november of 2008. I admit i made a mistake with dating kylie, but as for desiree and haylee i did not flit between relationships. You are right, i do think about the past too much, and i tell Desiree all kinds of stories she doesn't really care to hear about past relationships [mainly haylee]. I tell her this so she won't leave me, but she left anyway. I want committment, someone to love, someone to love me, time spent together, having fun, and great lovemaking. We have all that, and i feel we broke up over a miscommunication.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 So sleeping with her best friend is a miscommunication? Think again. Plus I can promise you a girlfriend does not want to hear you talking about an ex all the time. My advice still stands. You need to be on your own for a while. Get yourself sorted before you date again.
Author Mctransporter Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I didn't sleep with her best friend. I started rubbing myself against her. We all slept in the same bed many times together, so sleeping in the bed wasn't a big deal. She forgave me for that and we moved on. I agree that I need time alone, but i want to be with Desiree at some point.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 You say she is sensitive about what you did with her friend and also asked you to contact her friend My girlfriend forgave me for what i did, but was is sensitive about the situation. About 2 weeks later, she asked me to get her best friend to say she liked me and stuff, so she could be sure that she cant trust her. To me this shows she has not forgiven you. If you stand any chance with her it will still involve you backing off and sorting yourself out. You still think of Haylee too much and she knows that too. To be honest, I don't think the chances of you getting back together are good but you never know.
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