dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 So I had a date, kind of, tonight. I don't know if you'd even call it that. I haven't seen the guy I've had my eye on, and so I started pursuing online dating again. I met up with a guy (who was even more physically attractive in person), who thought would be fun to go do something with. The thing that sucks is the personality just wasn't there in person. He was extremely quiet, which I never would have guessed, kind of negative (he had very little positive to say), and well... I think he was disappointed in me (maybe I didn't look the way he had hoped). We had dinner, he was very very quiet. I would ask questions, open ended ones, try to make conversation, but it was like pulling teeth. Then I tried to make suggested on what to do next (it wasn't planned well I guess, but I tried), I thought maybe we could go see a movie. Nothing good was playing, or anything that looked good. Well I saw one, but it wasn't playing for almost another hour. We could have went and had after dinner drinks, but he didn't want to do that (said he doesn't drink and drive, which I can respect). Several times he told me he was tired. We didn't part with lets do this again, because frankly I hate trying to get someone to make conversation. It was over all kind of disappointing.
calazhage Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Oh well, that happens. Online dating is usually very awkward..
sid3 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 If he was tired he should have postponed the meeting. Sounds like a lame excuse on his part. That's the biggest fault with online dating, you just never know what your going to end up with.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I agree. I used to have better luck with it, not so much anymore so it seems. I've always been told I look like my pictures, so it wasn't as if I was misleading.
Isolde Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I had a similar situation once--it wasn't someone I met online but he acted disappointed/tired/negative too. It made me feel bad for him that he didn't seem to be enjoying himself. :/ I hope that your next date compensates for this one!
boldjack Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Jeez /dg, If you look like your photo, I wouldn't know what he could ask for more. You're a really pretty woman. Try again and let's hope the next guy will talk the night away.
Stockalone Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 No personality? Or disappointed in me? It could be neither. I am sorry that your date sucked. But you shouldn't worry whether or not he was disappointed. He screwed up, not you. Your description sounded very familiar though. That guy could have been me. I rarely leave a good first impression. I get nervous, my IQ is probably half of what it normally is. And the funny and witty part of my personality is the first thing to go. *shudders* Anyway, was he matter of fact about being tired or was it meant as an apology? It's probably not much of a consolation, but if he is like me, he does feel terrible about being such a lousy date. I hope you have better luck with the next guy. I'd definitely think about buying another scratch off ticket from the shop guy.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 It could be neither. I am sorry that your date sucked. But you shouldn't worry whether or not he was disappointed. He screwed up, not you. Your description sounded very familiar though. That guy could have been me. I rarely leave a good first impression. I get nervous, my IQ is probably half of what it normally is. And the funny and witty part of my personality is the first thing to go. *shudders* I could understand being nervous, I get like that too, but it just didn't come across that way. I don't need to get showered with compliments or stuff like that, but normally when a guy is interested in me, I hear something positive. I actually asked this guy straight out at one point if he was disappointed or what not, and I got the I'm just tired response. Anyway, was he matter of fact about being tired or was it meant as an apology? It's probably not much of a consolation, but if he is like me, he does feel terrible about being such a lousy date. It seemed more bored with the situation then anything. I hope you have better luck with the next guy. I'd definitely think about buying another scratch off ticket from the shop guy. I was thinking that too, although, today I think it may have been him I saw walking to the store with a girl, holding hands. I couldn't tell, the person was wearing a hat.
Stockalone Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I could understand being nervous, I get like that too, but it just didn't come across that way. I don't need to get showered with compliments or stuff like that, but normally when a guy is interested in me, I hear something positive. I actually asked this guy straight out at one point if he was disappointed or what not, and I got the I'm just tired response. Oh, I misunderstood that. I thought he was being negative about things like his stressfull day, or a bit cranky because he was tired. It seemed more bored with the situation then anything. If he had nothing positive to say about you and didn't even make a real effort (like planning a couple of activities, or at least suggesting things), then he is just a lazy jerk. Your dissapointment is more than understandable in that case. I was thinking that too, although, today I think it may have been him I saw walking to the store with a girl, holding hands. I couldn't tell, the person was wearing a hat. That would be bad. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it wasn't him.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Oh, I misunderstood that. I thought he was being negative about things like his stressfull day, or a bit cranky because he was tired. That's what I thought at first, but as the night went on, I felt it was more me. If he had nothing positive to say about you and didn't even make a real effort (like planning a couple of activities, or at least suggesting things), then he is just a lazy jerk. Your dissapointment is more than understandable in that case. I wouldn't even go out with him again. That would be bad. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it wasn't him. Thanks! I'm hoping it wasn't too!
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I don't think he was interested. I know that when I am on a date with online guy and I can see that there really isn't spark/chemistry in person, I kind of shut down and stop talking because there isn't any point in putting an effort into it and I don't want to lead the guy on. So I just don't talk much, make excuses and leave as soon as it is polite to do so. Sounds like he was doing to same thing. Some people are just not open to exploring things if there isn't chemistry straight away. Don't let it get you down. It isn't how good looking you are. Chemistry is either their or it isn't. I have been rejected once by this really short, fat and bald guy. A month later I had an ex model pursuing me. Doesn't really mean anything.
nittanylion Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 The date indicated to me the guy is an ahole. obviously, he is not interested in pursuring you.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I don't think he was interested. I know that when I am on a date with online guy and I can see that there really isn't spark/chemistry in person, I kind of shut down and stop talking because there isn't any point in putting an effort into it and I don't want to lead the guy on. So I just don't talk much, make excuses and leave as soon as it is polite to do so. Sounds like he was doing to same thing. Some people are just not open to exploring things if there isn't chemistry straight away. Don't let it get you down. It isn't how good looking you are. Chemistry is either their or it isn't. I have been rejected once by this really short, fat and bald guy. A month later I had an ex model pursuing me. Doesn't really mean anything. But what struck me was it was like this instantly. He was all talkative prior to this, then the min we were in person, he had nothing to say. I mean, if you're going to take the time to go out with someone, at least try to make conversation.
Isolde Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 It isn't how good looking you are. Chemistry is either their or it isn't. I have been rejected once by this really short, fat and bald guy. A month later I had an ex model pursuing me. Doesn't really mean anything. So true! Through my minimal dating experience I've discovered there was no correlation between being rejected and how cute the guy was. This guy may have been attractive but it doesn't mean that the next attractive guy will be like this. You're really pretty. I've only been on one date where I wouldn't make conversation, but that was because the guy was REALLY BIZARRE. I doubt that's the case with you, so I'll assume the guy is somewhat of a jerk that he didn't try to at least make you less uncomfortable.
lino Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 The date indicated to me the guy is an ahole. That's a bit harsh, he didn't actually do anything wrong, he just wasn't interested. But what struck me was it was like this instantly. He was all talkative prior to this, then the min we were in person, he had nothing to say. I mean, if you're going to take the time to go out with someone, at least try to make conversation. Some people can't be bothered to even do that. I've never done online dating but times that I've gone out with a woman I didn't previously know and nothing clicked, they've acted really uninterested in that same way as this guy did with you. When I go out with a girl, even if I know I won't want to see her again I still try to enjoy the time out. Someone acting like he did just means he wasn't interested IMO
Author dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I don't recall ever having such an weird silence on a date before. Here's an example of me trying to start conversation. Me: What type of food do you like (figuring out where to eat)? Him: I like everything Me: So you like to cook, what's your favorite thing to make?" Him: Everything Me: How was your dinner? Him: Eh. Me: What type of things do you like to do? (trying to figure out what to do next) Him: I don't know... sleeping and watching t.v.
blondesmiler Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 So I had a date, kind of, tonight. I don't know if you'd even call it that. I haven't seen the guy I've had my eye on, and so I started pursuing online dating again. I met up with a guy (who was even more physically attractive in person), who thought would be fun to go do something with. The thing that sucks is the personality just wasn't there in person. He was extremely quiet, which I never would have guessed, kind of negative (he had very little positive to say), and well... I think he was disappointed in me (maybe I didn't look the way he had hoped). We had dinner, he was very very quiet. I would ask questions, open ended ones, try to make conversation, but it was like pulling teeth. Then I tried to make suggested on what to do next (it wasn't planned well I guess, but I tried), I thought maybe we could go see a movie. Nothing good was playing, or anything that looked good. Well I saw one, but it wasn't playing for almost another hour. We could have went and had after dinner drinks, but he didn't want to do that (said he doesn't drink and drive, which I can respect). Several times he told me he was tired. We didn't part with lets do this again, because frankly I hate trying to get someone to make conversation. It was over all kind of disappointing. I've had those kind of dates, where the thought of having my teeth extracted or worked on seemed like much more fun. I have dates with guys that just don't have any interests or hobbies, so thus have little to talk about. And yes that does make it hard. Have had dates where they just talk about themselves non stop. Dates where they talk about how many women they know and how fit they are. One of my worst, was half an hour late, then just sat down, no apology (not a good start from my prospective) didn't even get himself a drink, then the conversation was just hard work as I was trying to get him to chat, nothing deep just general conversation, it didn't work. So after about an hour I said I think am going to go, this just isn;t working don't know if you feel the same, tried for 10 more mins but then left. All I know is that, when dating from internet, you never know until when you finally meet in person whether there is any connection, chemistry, etc etc. That thing you cannot really name but just that two people are totally on opposite ends of the spectrum. But I do still believe there is someone for everyone and although he was dull and boring for you, for someone else he might be the one. Its no reflection on you, sometimes the emails go well, the prior to date telephone call goes well and you meet and it just doesn't happen. Don't feel disappointed, just releaved its over with and now onto the next. (easier said than done I know, I really do know how you feel its frustrating)
Author dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I've had those kind of dates, where the thought of having my teeth extracted or worked on seemed like much more fun. I have dates with guys that just don't have any interests or hobbies, so thus have little to talk about. And yes that does make it hard. Have had dates where they just talk about themselves non stop. Dates where they talk about how many women they know and how fit they are. One of my worst, was half an hour late, then just sat down, no apology (not a good start from my prospective) didn't even get himself a drink, then the conversation was just hard work as I was trying to get him to chat, nothing deep just general conversation, it didn't work. So after about an hour I said I think am going to go, this just isn;t working don't know if you feel the same, tried for 10 more mins but then left. All I know is that, when dating from internet, you never know until when you finally meet in person whether there is any connection, chemistry, etc etc. That thing you cannot really name but just that two people are totally on opposite ends of the spectrum. But I do still believe there is someone for everyone and although he was dull and boring for you, for someone else he might be the one. Its no reflection on you, sometimes the emails go well, the prior to date telephone call goes well and you meet and it just doesn't happen. Don't feel disappointed, just releaved its over with and now onto the next. (easier said than done I know, I really do know how you feel its frustrating) Yeah he was about 20 minutes late as well. But to me that just shows he never cared to make a go of it to begin with. I asked if he had problems finding the place, and he said no, he just got side track.
blondesmiler Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Yeah he was about 20 minutes late as well. But to me that just shows he never cared to make a go of it to begin with. I asked if he had problems finding the place, and he said no, he just got side track. Yep same with the guy I mentioned he only left his house 15mins before due to meet, and its at least half an hour away. Like you say think it showed they didn't really give too hoots about impressing you and me and making a good impression. I am a very strong believer in, how they are in the beginning can say alot about them and how they might be in the future. I think he's done you a favour!
Author dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Yep same with the guy I mentioned he only left his house 15mins before due to meet, and its at least half an hour away. Like you say think it showed they didn't really give too hoots about impressing you and me and making a good impression. I am a very strong believer in, how they are in the beginning can say alot about them and how they might be in the future. I think he's done you a favour! I agree! I just feel like I wasted a few hours of my life, ya know? I suppose that is just how it goes with dating, but even if I'm not totally impressed with someone right away, I still make a go of it. I make an attempt. I don't understand the "I don't give two ****s" right off the bat attitude. Oh well, I got another online date tonight lol. Hopefully this will go better.
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I agree! I just feel like I wasted a few hours of my life, ya know? I suppose that is just how it goes with dating, but even if I'm not totally impressed with someone right away, I still make a go of it. I make an attempt. I don't understand the "I don't give two ****s" right off the bat attitude. Oh well, I got another online date tonight lol. Hopefully this will go better. But it would have been even worse if he made an effort and was charming and witty all evening and then never called you again. Then you would be on here saying "he's giving me mixed messages, WTF?". The beauty of your situation was that he plainly showed you zero interest. I agree with lino 100%.
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