Sublime9 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 So I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 1/2 months now and lately I've been thinking about breaking it off. I do have feelings for her and I feel like I'll screw up by letting someone like her go. She is a great girl: very caring, very VERY beautiful, very affectionate, and very understanding. She can be a little too sensitive sometimes and tends to blow things out of proportion but it really doesn't bother me much considering how fast we make up after arguments. I know I haven't been with her long enough to really let this bother me as much as it is but I really don't want to hurt her and I feel that if I end it I'll end up regretting it. Thing is, I feel I'm too young to tie myself down now. There is so much out there I have to explore before I can finally become committed to one person. I wish I could have met her later on in my life where I'd be in a better position to buckle down and be willing to spend the rest of my life with her. She's been through really tough break ups and got out of a year relationship with some guy who cheated on her multiple times a few months before we got together. She was also in a 4 year relationship with another guy before her 1 year ex. She's the type that really gets attached and ends up getting hurt bad in the end. It's because of this that she is so insecure and even doubts our relationship at times, which usually leads to an argument. I really don't want to hurt her but it seems pretty much inevitable at this point. This is the longest relationship I've been in. All my other relationships weren't as great as this one and pretty much just ended themselves. I'm just not as happy as I should be and it really isn't her fault at all. Even If I was with a really beautiful, kind, loving, open-minded, and funny girl, I think I'd still feel the same way. She recently brought up how her feelings for me are really growing and how she is becoming attached to me. Hearing things like this really gets me down because my feelings for her aren't as intense. I don't want to break up with her before Valentine's day because she's never spent a Valentine's day with any of her boyfriends and I want to take her out and just spend the day with her. I know it's gonna be really hard to do this but I really don't see my feelings changing anytime soon and prolonging it isn't fair to her at all.
msjules Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 It sounds as though you really do know what you want, you know exactly what you want. And that's good. Waiting until after Valentine's Day is almost cruel, in my opinion. It certainly won't do her any favors. Spare her the mixed message and move on. That's my advice to you.
ninjaturtles Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 So I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 1/2 months now and lately I've been thinking about breaking it off. I do have feelings for her and I feel like I'll screw up by letting someone like her go. She is a great girl: very caring, very VERY beautiful, very affectionate, and very understanding. She can be a little too sensitive sometimes and tends to blow things out of proportion but it really doesn't bother me much considering how fast we make up after arguments. I know I haven't been with her long enough to really let this bother me as much as it is but I really don't want to hurt her and I feel that if I end it I'll end up regretting it. Thing is, I feel I'm too young to tie myself down now. There is so much out there I have to explore before I can finally become committed to one person. I wish I could have met her later on in my life where I'd be in a better position to buckle down and be willing to spend the rest of my life with her. She's been through really tough break ups and got out of a year relationship with some guy who cheated on her multiple times a few months before we got together. She was also in a 4 year relationship with another guy before her 1 year ex. She's the type that really gets attached and ends up getting hurt bad in the end. It's because of this that she is so insecure and even doubts our relationship at times, which usually leads to an argument. I really don't want to hurt her but it seems pretty much inevitable at this point. This is the longest relationship I've been in. All my other relationships weren't as great as this one and pretty much just ended themselves. I'm just not as happy as I should be and it really isn't her fault at all. Even If I was with a really beautiful, kind, loving, open-minded, and funny girl, I think I'd still feel the same way. She recently brought up how her feelings for me are really growing and how she is becoming attached to me. Hearing things like this really gets me down because my feelings for her aren't as intense. I don't want to break up with her before Valentine's day because she's never spent a Valentine's day with any of her boyfriends and I want to take her out and just spend the day with her. I know it's gonna be really hard to do this but I really don't see my feelings changing anytime soon and prolonging it isn't fair to her at all. This is really tough. How old are you? The exact same thing happened to me (I was the dumpee however). I really don't know if you should take her out on valentines day. Grrrrr...then again it would be so sad breaking up with her just before the 14th. Well, if I were in her shoes, I would prefer to hear the truth BEFORE vals day. Please don't postpone this any longer if you are certain you want to end the relationship. She is going to be very hurt because she won't be expecting this. I feel so sorry for her already. However, you have to be cruel (breaking up with her prior to the 14th), to be kind. It's the lesser of the the two evils (ie breaking up before vals). One more thing, please tell her exactly what you have written on here. Don't just say to her ' it's me not you. (Even though that's actually the truth- how ironic LS'ers. Tell her you think you are too young to be tie down. Let her know she is someone you could spend the rest of your life with, however the TIMING is wrong. Please don't allow her think there is something wrong with her as a person. This story (your girlfriend's), is the story of my life!!!! Please please explain to her. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have three questions for you however. Pls do answer them. A) how old are you? B) Are you willing to lose her for the rest of your life. C)
D-Lish Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 If you don't want to be with her- don't prolong it. Don't spend V-day with her out of pity... that's worse than breaking up with her now.
lonelygurl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 If you think you're going to break up with her then it's best to do it soon than later especially when it is such a "young" relationship. BTW statisically Valentine's Day is the biggest break up day of the year, believe it or not.
Author Sublime9 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 This is really tough. How old are you? The exact same thing happened to me (I was the dumpee however). I really don't know if you should take her out on valentines day. Grrrrr...then again it would be so sad breaking up with her just before the 14th. Well, if I were in her shoes, I would prefer to hear the truth BEFORE vals day. Please don't postpone this any longer if you are certain you want to end the relationship. She is going to be very hurt because she won't be expecting this. I feel so sorry for her already. However, you have to be cruel (breaking up with her prior to the 14th), to be kind. It's the lesser of the the two evils (ie breaking up before vals). One more thing, please tell her exactly what you have written on here. Don't just say to her ' it's me not you. (Even though that's actually the truth- how ironic LS'ers. Tell her you think you are too young to be tie down. Let her know she is someone you could spend the rest of your life with, however the TIMING is wrong. Please don't allow her think there is something wrong with her as a person. This story (your girlfriend's), is the story of my life!!!! Please please explain to her. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have three questions for you however. Pls do answer them. A) how old are you? B) Are you willing to lose her for the rest of your life. C) Well I'm 18 years old and I really don't want to lose her. I really like the person she is and I definitely want her in my life. Like I said earlier, she is the girl I can imagine being with for a very long time if we were older. We actually just got off the phone with each other not too long ago ad we had a nice conversation. It's moments like our phone chats and the time we spend together that make it so hard for me to just end it with her. I notice that when I'm not with her and start thinking hard about my life, I think about how there is too much I haven't experienced yet to just settle down now. Then when I'm with her all I think about is the moment I'm with her. I mean most of the reason why I want to end it is because she doesn't deserve to be with someone who always has second thoughts about the relationship. She deserves a guy that'll give her 100% and no less.
Ronni_W Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 when I'm not with her and start thinking hard about my life, I think about how there is too much I haven't experienced yet Do you mean sex with other people? Cos that is about the ONLY thing that being in a full-time, committed relationship would prevent you from experiencing. OTOH, if your sex life is boring, you don't have to dump her to have more exciting times in bed (or wherever.) There are books and websites. sexuality.org is a good one. But everything else that life has to offer, can be enjoyed by two well-functioning individuals EVEN IF they are in a relationship and EVEN IF they are 18 years old. (Could be some inaccurate beliefs that relationships are by definition limiting and soul-sucking. They don't HAVE to be like that.) You say that you're not as happy as you "should" be. How happy is that? And who is setting the standard for you? If you were as happy as you "should" be, what would you be doing, thinking and feeling differently? Sometimes it's not that our relationship is lacking but that WE are lacking -- we aren't taking care of all our other needs, goals and desires. Quick way to find out; if you dumped her today, would you be as happy as you "should" be, tomorrow? Or would you still have to put in an effort to cultivate whatever it is that is lacking -- education, friends, social, work/money, personal growth, spiritual/faith, etc., etc. But. If you really gotta go, I agree with the others -- find your courage and do it sooner than later. If it's not working for you, there isn't any need to feel guilty about having to end it. Sometimes, it's that we want to spare ourselves the guilt of it, so we delay it and actually end up making it worse for the other. And then we REALLY feel guilty. Delaying it is lose-lose.
ninjaturtles Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Well I'm 18 years old and I really don't want to lose her. I really like the person she is and I definitely want her in my life. Like I said earlier, she is the girl I can imagine being with for a very long time if we were older. We actually just got off the phone with each other not too long ago ad we had a nice conversation. It's moments like our phone chats and the time we spend together that make it so hard for me to just end it with her. I notice that when I'm not with her and start thinking hard about my life, I think about how there is too much I haven't experienced yet to just settle down now. Then when I'm with her all I think about is the moment I'm with her. I mean most of the reason why I want to end it is because she doesn't deserve to be with someone who always has second thoughts about the relationship. She deserves a guy that'll give her 100% and no less. This is pretty much what happened. I noticed that when we were together, my ex was so happy. It's like we were so much in love. However, when I left (it was a fairly long distance relationship, about 1.5hrs away), he appeared a bit distant. I thought I was being paranoid at that time, but in retrospect I wasn't. Infact, he broke up with me over the phone. I doubt he could break up with me in person. He avoided seeing me and till today (almost 1.5yrs later), we have not set eyes on one another. He did apologise last month and we have had a few chit chats here and there. We are not 'friends', but we are 'friendly'. After we split, he went off to another town to a post grad porgramme. I believe he wanted his freedom (he had just turned 22then). He wanted to explore the new city and didn't want to get tied down. He knew my feelings for him were getting intense. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------i wondered for so long how he could let go of our relationship, when everything seemed so right! I believe we shall see again, one day and I really don't know wha to expect. Anyway, it seems you have made up your mind. Sometimes, its best to be set free. If she really is the one, you will never forget her and will return to her later on, maybe a few years I don't know. (However, she probably will be with someone else and over you). Its your choice. If you want to end it, there really is no point in procastinating any longer!! Do it and do it as gently and honourably as you can. You are young, maybe you need to explore a bit. Well keep us informed. If you feel strongly about breaking up, then you should. My ex told me he was not 'happy'. I had no clue what he was talking about!! Sigh. Well do keep us informed and if you are certain you want to split, pls do so now now now.
confused_2008 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I guess I'm going to go against the flow a little bit and say don't call it off because I was in your situation and really regret calling it off now. You've only been together two and a half months. I know that seems like a long time but it's not. There's plenty of time for your feelings to develop. Think about if your feelings are causing you to neglect or mistreat her at all (I mean emotionally here) or if they are just thoughts in your head, and if the relationship is bringing you more bad things than good things. If you answer yes to either of these than you should probably call it off. If not, I say go with it for a while. There's no reason you should look at this as tying yourself down. I bet she adds to your life more than you realize right now, so don't look at her as a burden to your freedom.
ninjaturtles Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I guess I'm going to go against the flow a little bit and say don't call it off because I was in your situation and really regret calling it off now. You've only been together two and a half months. I know that seems like a long time but it's not. There's plenty of time for your feelings to develop. Think about if your feelings are causing you to neglect or mistreat her at all (I mean emotionally here) or if they are just thoughts in your head, and if the relationship is bringing you more bad things than good things. If you answer yes to either of these than you should probably call it off. If not, I say go with it for a while. There's no reason you should look at this as tying yourself down. I bet she adds to your life more than you realize right now, so don't look at her as a burden to your freedom. Confused, if he is not happy; if he wants to explore a bit, then he will only be suppressing his true desires by continuing the relationship. You should be with someone because you feel sorry for her. You should not second-doubt the relationship!. He has admitted she is an amazing person. The problem has to do with him not wanting to be tied down now. It would be better if they split up and he ended up regretting it. Then, he would come back whole heartedly into the relationship. As opposed to him forcing himself to stay on. I know how much she will hurt 'cos I have been in his girlfriend's shoes. However, I would prefer to broken up from someone, than to be with someone who isn't happy with being in a relationship and thus forcing himself to be in one with me. This won't last, trust me. Sooner or later, he will feel repressed and long to explore!
Author Sublime9 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 So I did a lot of thinking and I really can't let her go. I know we've only been together for almost 3 months now but I really don't see my life getting any better without her. Yesterday we got into this argument and the topic of going our separate ways came up. It was at this point that I realized I couldn't break up with her. And I'm not just sticking around for the hell of it because I've never done that in my past relationships. It's tough however because I can't really distinguish my feelings. I don't know if I'm still with her only for that comfort and warmth that I really love, or because my feelings for her are strong enough to continue the relationship...
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