JustaFool Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Wow. I can't believe I'm here. My story is pretty much the same except for one huge detail....MW and I met in October of 2007. We work together. Here's where my story is different from the rest. She wasn't married when I met her. She was engaged. Anyway, it started off as talking, flirting, and meeting up for a drink with coworkers. Eventually our discussions turned to how she wasn't sure if she wanted to get married or not. She wasn't "in love" but felt obligated to get married bacause he had "such a hard life." Things become physical and emotional between us yet in Dec. 2007 she goes through with the marriage. She said, "nothing changes between me and you." She said she got married knowing it would not last. She would get married and then deal with it. I will save all the details of what all of you already know. Months and months of sneaking, lies, telling me everything I wanted to hear, she "loved me" and wanted to be with me. That I just needed to be patient. And I was. Stolen minutes here and there. All the things that you have all experienced. We made plans for the future, talked about children, etc. Before I go any further let me stress that this girl and I shared everything that makes a relationship healthy...EXCEPT SHE COULD NOT BE WITH ME BECAUSE SHE IS MARRIED. I provided her with everything that her husband was incapable of giving her such as affection, conversation, chemistry, and support. Yeah, I know, blah, blah, blah! Fast forward to this past July. She files for divorce. He rips up the papers and demands they go to marriage counseling. They go for a few sessions and both realize it's pointless. However, she still lives there. She says he begins to "emotionally abuse her" because of her decision to divorce. He tells her all the things that a guy tells a girl who's leaving him. I don't need to get into detail but, "You'll regret this. I did everything for you. You're supposed to work it out. You were a terrible wife. Etc." Well in August word gets around to him that she's cheating on him with me. She denies, denies, denies, of course. Dec. 1st she moves out into her own place. BUT she still can't stop contact with him. They continue to argue and fight, etc. He calls me and wants to know what's going on with "his wife." I tell him we're friends and we work together. He doesn't believe me. Anyway, this has been like this for a while now. She still hasn't told him it's OVER. She told him she needs time. In the mean time, she pushes me away because she said "it's not fair to me and she doesn't know how long this divorce is going to take." And there's no guarantee what our feelings are going to be for one another once the divorce is over. Her husband has a son from a previous relationship that she has an attachment to. She says she is not going back to him but she needs to do this her way. The house is still in both of their names but the mortgage is only in hers. He said he would give her $$$$ for the house and get his own mortgage. I told her he's not going to give you **** if he thinks it's not over. Anyway, it got to the point where I was trying to help her(not just about the house, but everything) and she felt I was trying to tell her what to do. No wnyone with a brain in their head would see that she lives in fantasyland and she has a track record for TERRIBLE decisions. She said she lives day to day. She's depressed and lost. So, what am I supposed to do? I love her so much, but I know she needs to do this "her way" even though it's the most fu**ed up way possible. She said she is numb and doesn't know what's going to happen. But "FOR NOW" she can't give me what I want or need. she needs to "fix herself first." There is more to this but I want to get some input first. By the way, I'm with the rest of you. I'm 30 with no baggage. I'm physically attractive, intelligent, and have a good career.....yet my heart strings are in knots over this girl. People tell me all the time, "you can date whoever you want, why waste your time with her?" Well, I LOVE HER. There is only one of her in this world... For now, I'm sick everyday and can't sleep or eat. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
bentnotbroken Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 You say there is only one of her in the world, then we should all be thanking God. What a conniving user. Her H is well rid of her.
norajane Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 But "FOR NOW" she can't give me what I want or need. she needs to "fix herself first." You should listen to her. Not only are you not going to get what you want until she does fix her own mess and fix herself, but you are ruining your relationship with her by being so pushy and controlling. If you don't walk away until she gets her sh*t together, you'll push her so far away that she won't have any feelings left for you even if she does ever get her sh*t together. You'll be the LAST man she wants to be with if she gets a divorce.
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 You say there is only one of her in the world, . Don't you believe it! I know someone who was texting her married lover on her wedding day!!!! Her family knew about the affair but still encouraged her to get married because her fiance's father was dying (he died a month after the wedding). The affair had been going on for a year by that time and went on for another two years before he left his wife and kids and she left her husband. If someone can do this then they are not capable of really loving anyone but themself. You are better off without this woman.
bentnotbroken Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Don't you believe it! I know someone who was texting her married lover on her wedding day!!!! Her family knew about the affair but still encouraged her to get married because her fiance's father was dying (he died a month after the wedding). The affair had been going on for a year by that time and went on for another two years before he left his wife and kids and she left her husband. If someone can do this then they are not capable of really loving anyone but themself. You are better off without this woman. I agree with you. He says there is only one her, I think I know a lot of people like her.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 she needs to "fix herself first." Ain't that the truth. Its too bad she isn't considering it for real instead of using it as an excuse to hold you off while she shops for a new man. Either way, you can't see it now but consider it a blessing rather than a curse that you aren't with her. The last thing you need is for her to be describing to the man she'd cheat on you with how she felt "obligated to be with you" and so on.
awkward Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 It's different... yet it is all the same. The best thing you could do is let her fix her issues while you heal emotionally. After she's fixed, maybe you could give it a go then. You're not a fool, you seem to understand exactly what's going on.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Yes, I was thinking the same thing. Different but the same. Do a site search on Stampdaddy and go into his profile, read all his threads.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 This woman rates a 9.9 on the user scale for the way she's been able to string you along for 18 months. Are you helping to support her financially also? You, my friend, are the back-up plan. If things don't work out with her husband, she's got plan B to fall back on. To do so, she's got to keep you close but not too close, a trick she has accomplished masterfully. I get a sense from your post that even you know on some level how unfair this whole thing is. Why would you continue to be involved? Mr. Lucky
Reggie Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 You should run from this woman and get counseling for yourself. Both of you are extremely dishonest people and any relationship would and should be filled with mistrust.
Mino Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 wow... all I can say is wow. She was single, you two dated, then she got married on you and you stuck around? She promised to leave him before she married? HUH??? wtf....I dont get it... Do you like pain that much? Did you not think that when she got married, its time to leave? Sweetie, I was also a ow, but this is 100 times worse. I fell in love with mm. You feel in love with sw who ended up marrying somebody eles, and your still around listening to this "FLAKE"????????
KismetGirl Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 This woman sounds like someone who does not have herself together at ALL. And there is no way she can work on any healthy relationship when she herself doesn't know what on earth she is doing with her life. She married someone out of "obligation" with the intent to divorce him? Does that make any sense at all? I think she needs some serious counseling because she lack some very basic introspection into her own existance, which is not something that you can give her, and you will most certainly only push her away anyway if you persist while she is in this state. If she has plain out told you she needs space to figure things out, then give it to her. She's perhaps realized at least a little that she's screwed things up all over the place and needs to work them out before she can run into another relationship. Give it space dude, seriously, you don't need this sort of baggage right now. Her apparently lack of ability to make a decision is really a big red flag as to her ability to sustain any healthy relationship right now with anyone. Let her go. if it's meant to be, she'll come back. If not, you saved yourself a huge headache.
OWoman Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 This woman sounds like someone who does not have herself together at ALL. And there is no way she can work on any healthy relationship when she herself doesn't know what on earth she is doing with her life. She married someone out of "obligation" with the intent to divorce him? Does that make any sense at all? I think she needs some serious counseling because she lack some very basic introspection into her own existance, which is not something that you can give her, and you will most certainly only push her away anyway if you persist while she is in this state. If she has plain out told you she needs space to figure things out, then give it to her. She's perhaps realized at least a little that she's screwed things up all over the place and needs to work them out before she can run into another relationship. Give it space dude, seriously, you don't need this sort of baggage right now. Her apparently lack of ability to make a decision is really a big red flag as to her ability to sustain any healthy relationship right now with anyone. Let her go. if it's meant to be, she'll come back. If not, you saved yourself a huge headache. KG you might want to read what you've written and take it to heart too...
angryyoungman70 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Hmmm...reading this thread has given me some clarity. You guys are great!
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