rebmalove Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 My boyfriend says that he doesn't feel the spark anymore since I found out he lied to me about using viagra and some other stuff... He also says that hes tired of us fussing and fighting and we also have religous differences. I have been willing and am willing to let go of our religious differences, (i'm christian, he's not) but he isn't and seems to think that a relationship shouldn't involve disagreements often. we havn't really been getting along lately and our phone converstaions are dead. In person, we are okay, except when we argue or disagree. I am preparing myself for a break up, but taking this break without really knowing whether or not he wants to stay with me or not is tearing me up. I've been crying every day and calling him asking him if he feels any better but he just says no. This is so hard for me because I really love him. I just need some advice on how to handle being on a break while expecting a break up Thanks
lonelygurl Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I've come to learn that taking a break usually means breaking up. it is the "gentle" way of letting someone go. who initiated the "lets take a break". The first time my X left me he said he wanted to take a break to work on himself. I believed him and for 2 months I allowed him to come around and we did stuff, not just sex. but I later found out he had been seeing another girl, and once he felt that was going to go somewhere I was out for good. I would prepare yourself for a break up and as suggested on here if you've been reading....I would go completely No Contact. He is not going to miss you or have time to think about it if you are in contact. I know how hard it is...and both times I have split with my X it has taken 2 months for me to learn the hard way. The only difference is this second time there was far less contact and the majority of it was through emails.
Ronni_W Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Make the assumption that he doesn't want to continue the relationship. The signs of that must be clear to you...or you would not be anticipating a permanent break-up, yes? He is tired of the "fussing and fighting" -- tell him that you get it, and that you have decided to break-up now instead of languishing in 'limbo land' while he's making up his mind and/or finding his courage to tell you that he's done. That is, make your own decision and find your own courage. Don't let HIS lack of those things make you suffer (because) You'll have enough to deal with after you break up with him...no need to add to that by allowing him to dictate the 'when' of it.
carhill Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 You can love someone you're incompatible with I just need some advice on how to handle being on a break while expecting a break up My best advice from personal experience is to look around at your life and all the things and people who slipped to the perimeter while you were deep in with your SO. Re-connect with your passions and the people in your life. Re-prioritize. Taking a "break", just like "separation", is a path to a non-relationship state. Absent active couples counseling, transitioning from cohabitation to living separately or having daily contact to no contact, is always a relationship negative, IMO. It helps one become comfortable with singleness. I've done both (separation and MC) so have some experience...
Author rebmalove Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 it's so hard u guys, i've still been crying everyday but i really appreciate ur encouraging words thanks again
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