phatm0mma Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 whoever said relationships are never easy wasn't kidding when they said it. i perceive myself to be in a relationship, but if you asked me if my "boyfriend" thinks the same, i could never give you a definite answer. i love him but i am not sure if he feels the same. we've been going out for more than a year but we've never said our i love you's yet.on my part, i fear rejection. from my experience from my past relationships, i've seen that guys process their emotions a lot slower than women (most men do, at least). when a woman says i love you first, the guy freaks out and the next thing you know, you're left waiting by the phone for 3 days...1 week...then 2 weeks... until you finally realize you're waiting for nothing.and so from then on i vowed to hold off on the verbalism and just focused on showing him my feelings instead of saying them, hoping that one day i would hear him say it. it's been more than a year and he's till not saying it. i've once attempted to talk w/ him abt "the state of things" between us, but he just got irritated,actually telling me i'm dense as to not know the answer. he's a nice guy. one thing i like most about him is the way he keeps his word.when he promises something, you can actually expect him to do it. but i wish he could be more open abt how he feels about me.now i'm thinking maybe he's not saying 'cause he doesn't feel that way...i'm quite confused.is it just me, am i expecting too much? i'm so confused... help... anyone?
allina Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 whoever said relationships are never easy wasn't kidding when they said it. i perceive myself to be in a relationship, but if you asked me if my "boyfriend" thinks the same, i could never give you a definite answer. i love him but i am not sure if he feels the same. help... anyone? If he doesn't even call you his gf you aren't in a relationship, and you're a loooooong way from a meaningful "I love you" from him. Yes, relationships can require work and effort but why not apply that work to someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with you? Your "bf" won't commit to being your bf after a year, this should be your main concern.
LovieDove24 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Hmm this is a toughie. It seems to me like you are not letting your guard down with this man. You are not fully giving your true self to him therefore no matter how many times you ponder "what are we" you will never feel or hear the truth. Because you are dodging it. You are a hiding a piece of you and a piece of you're feelings. Phew now if only I could take my own advice. I am telling you this from experience, guarding your heart because of bad past relationships will only hurt you in the long run. If you feel you love him, and are 100% sure of it, tell him. Theres no day but today.
drutten Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 It's tempting to say that "he's just not that into you", and there might be something to that, but let me tell you a little anecdote from my life. I was with a woman who liked me a lot, that was clear, but I had my doubts about whether I liked her enough for it to work out. About a month into the relationship she said she loved me. She was drunk at the time, but, you know, in vino veritas. I didn't freak at all, it just sank in that maybe this really is something worth investing in. And so I did and it was wonderful... until the whole thing came to a crashing end less than a year later. The moral of the story? I would say that a lot of crap happens in relationships; when you get close to someone you will inevitably find some unpleasant features of the other person. It takes a strong initial attraction to overcome that. In my case, it wasn't there, and in your companion's case it doesn't seem to be there either. Then again, what do I know? The women I have loved have found me too keen and claim to have dumped me for that reason. So maybe I should have been cold, like your love interest is. Maybe only coldness is what keeps people together. I hope not or I want to move to another planet. Anyway, in my opinion, there's little point in hiding your feelings, that's the most energy-sapping activity there is. Even if it's the best thing to do if you could, you might just have to accept whatever his reaction will be to when you tell him about your feelings. If he dismisses them as ridiculous, that's when you need to pack your bags. Just try saying it at a nice moment, like during a nice meal or after sex, something like that, not as part of an argument.
allina Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I'm surprised that people are suggesting that she tells him she loves him when after a YEAR of dating he doesn't even consider her his gf. This guy might consider her just some chick he's sleeping with or seeing, that's humiliating enough, why make it worse by saying ILY to him?!
Author phatm0mma Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 whoever said relationships are never easy wasn't kidding when they said it. i perceive myself to be in a relationship, but if you asked me if my "boyfriend" thinks the same, i could never give you a definite answer. i love him but i am not sure if he feels the same. we've been going out for more than a year but we've never said our i love you's yet.on my part, i fear rejection. from my experience from my past relationships, i've seen that guys process their emotions a lot slower than women (most men do, at least). when a woman says i love you first, the guy freaks out and the next thing you know, you're left waiting by the phone for 3 days...1 week...then 2 weeks... until you finally realize you're waiting for nothing.and so from then on i vowed to hold off on the verbalism and just focused on showing him my feelings instead of saying them, hoping that one day i would hear him say it. it's been more than a year and he's till not saying it. i've once attempted to talk w/ him abt "the state of things" between us, but he just got irritated,actually telling me i'm dense as to not know the answer. he's a nice guy. one thing i like most about him is the way he keeps his word.when he promises something, you can actually expect him to do it. but i wish he could be more open abt how he feels about me.now i'm thinking maybe he's not saying 'cause he doesn't feel that way...i'm quite confused.is it just me, am i expecting too much? i'm so confused... help... anyone? ======================================================= thanks for all your responses...but i guess i wouldn't need them for now... he's left me and i never got to tell him that i love him... but worse than that is the realization that all along i've been waiting for nothing...
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