bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 My husband hurts me every day as he sits here doing nothing and I carry the entire load. I work 60 hours a week and he sits at home living the good life. But I guess because he is not cheating that makes everything ok. No it isn't okay, but guess who is married to the loser? That would be you. If you are the one working and taking care of yourself, why not divorce. Why aid his laziness and your adultery.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I know you think I'm awful but how can I divorce him when he has no job no money. At least I am giving him a roof over his head and food in his stomach. I am not the horrible person you think I am.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I know you think I'm awful but how can I divorce him when he has no job no money. At least I am giving him a roof over his head and food in his stomach. I am not the horrible person you think I am. Never said you were horrible, you are projecting. If he is such a loser that he won't work, then the best thing for him is to need to work. If he has to feed himself, he will quickly figure it out. When his mom stopped whipping his azz he stopped crapping his pants. He is not the excuse you need for staying married. That choice is yours and yours alone.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 But you are lying to him. Every day time you go home after being with your OM, you are lying. Every moment when you think of the OM you are lying. Every time you post here on LS you are still lying to him. Imagine WHEN he does find out, how much worse it is going to be for him to realise you only stayed because you felt sorry for him. If you are so unhappy with him, leave him now. Let both of you move on from a failed marriage. You never know, maybe he will be a lot happier without you - maybe he cannot be bothered getting a job because you cannot be bothered being a faithful wife.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 If I thought he would be ok I would ask him to leave tomorrow. I am not a bad person.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Why should HE leave? Why don't you leave? You're the one who does not want to be married.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 If I thought he would be ok I would ask him to leave tomorrow. I am not a bad person. You are projecting again. Who said you were bad. Your actions are bad, as a person we don't know you to call you a bad person.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I don't leave because we are living in my house that I pay for.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 It seems like one excuse after another to avoid facing the reality of your situation. I also do not think you are a bad person but you do have your head well and truly stuck in the sand as you seem oblivious to the consequences of your actions. Your husband may not be perfect and you should probably both have tried to deal with any problems in your relationship before you started the affair but at the end of the day, it is YOU having the affair not your husband. It also seems to me that if you really wanted to be with the OM, you would leave your H. Instead you stay. However the reasons given for staying are also poor. I also still do not see why he should leave. Imagine the situation in reverse with a wife who does not work and the husband does, he then has an affair and expects the wife to leave the marital home - women have been fighting for years to ensure they get the fair share of assets if divorcing so why shouldn't a man expect the same. I am not preaching from some high and mighty position. I had an affair with a work colleague and sorry to disappoint you - it does hurt everbody around you. It does destroy families.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 So you are suggesting that after 2 years of marriage I leave the home I and only I have paid for for 10 years. After he has contributed nothing I walk away and give him everything. Just trying to be clear.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 So you are suggesting that after 2 years of marriage I leave the home I and only I have paid for for 10 years. After he has contributed nothing I walk away and give him everything. Just trying to be clear. No put his azz out and get a divorce and leave MM alone.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I never said give him everything. I am talking of the short term solution. You could move out whilst he finds somewhere to live. Whether legally he is entitled to anything depends on where you live. It is you who seems to want to end the marriage but you want to do it with as little inconvenience/cost as possible. You are going to have to accept that life is not that simple.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I am not going to leave everything I have worked for while he sits here fat and sassy enjoying the fruits of MY labor.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 OK. Then tell him to leave. Simple as that. No more excuses. You obviously do not love or respect this man. Take responsibility for your life.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 You know Anne I am sure you are a lovely person but please do not judge me you don't know me at all.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Wow. How do you get from this: On the other hand I love him so much but how can I do this to another woman especially when I know how it feels. I am rambling I know oh God what have I done???? to this: He is a man and I do love him. I am happier with him than without him. I think I will hold on and see how this shakes out. I'm always amazed when someone who was a BS will be a party to laying that kind of hurt on someone else. Don't you remember what it felt like to be cheated on? Oh, wait, I forgot. You're in looooooooooooooooove. So it's OK. Mr. Lucky
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I'm not judging. I have already told you I had an affair so how can I do that. My time is done here as you do not want to hear anything that contradicts your view of things.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 What I do not want to hear is I am not taking responsibility for my life. I work I take care of someone who can not take care of himself. No my choices with the MM are not the best and yes Mr. Lucky I do love him. Glad that is so amusing to you.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 What I do not want to hear is I am not taking responsibility for my life. I work I take care of someone who can not take care of himself. No my choices with the MM are not the best and yes Mr. Lucky I do love him. Glad that is so amusing to you. Is he injured, mentally disabled, or an addict. If he is none of these then he can take care of himself, he just isn't taking responsibility. Just as you aren't by staying and claiming you can't leave.
awkward Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Your relationship is different than most of the other affairs on here. Everyone else here is wrong. Don't listen to the OW/OM that left their relationships. Their just jealous that theirs didn't work out. Their experiences are waaay different than yours. I'm sure your MM really loves you and isn't at all like the others. Also, who cares if you sh** where you eat? Plenty of MM bosses dump their family for their OW. It happens every day. You probably haven't read about them because they are too busy living happily ever after. Even if he goes back, know that in time he will leave her again. I really doubt your co-workers would make disparaging comments about you. This isn't Kindergarten. Your co-workers are adults and know better than to gossip about such things. I'm sure they also know how horrid his wife is and will think he really did better with you. Hang in there Laura, he will dump his family and then you can dump your husband, even if he still isn't working because it won't matter then. Your MM will be free of his wife. I wouldn't worry too much about his BS. If he cared about her at all, he wouldn't be cheating would he? What you have with your boss is true love. In the end, I'm sure you will be married to your soulmate.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 He is quite content to sit at home all day doing nothing while I work. He has no money to get his own place and I certainly am not going to go somewhere else nor can I afford to. So there you have it what am I supposed to do? Maybe I am not being "fair" to him but what would be better to put him on the street? He doesn't even try to find work! I would love nothing more to end this and move on with my life but how do I do that?
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Wow akward did that make you feel better?
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 He is quite content to sit at home all day doing nothing while I work. He has no money to get his own place and I certainly am not going to go somewhere else nor can I afford to. So there you have it what am I supposed to do? Maybe I am not being "fair" to him but what would be better to put him on the street? He doesn't even try to find work! I would love nothing more to end this and move on with my life but how do I do that? By filing for divorce and getting into counseling to see why you are attracted to losers. MM and otherwise.
mourningMM Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Do you have children? Does your boss, the married man, have children? Did you mean your vows (better, worse, richer, poorer)? How long has your husband been out of work; is he depressed? Do you have healthcare? Can you go to counseling instead of cheating? Do you co-workers already know abou the affair? Then the whole conversation is a moot-point. Is there any policy at your job about this kind of thing? Could you husband sue your employer because you have entered into an affair with your direct boss? Have you really thought about the situation calmly, without passion (either for MM or against your husband)? Do you really think you can live with yourself as an OW? Could you introduce the MM to your family if you and your husband broke up? It feels like this entire thread skims the surface of a situation that should have great depth. I think you should tell your husband that you need a break, and move him to another bedroom in the house. If anything can shake a man out of lethargy it is cutting off sex....at least it is more honest than what you are doing... If you want to end the marriage, do it for yourself, not for another man. If you want to have a relationship, have one with a man that is available, not with a married man. And if the passion that you and the married man have together is too powerful, then at least be honest with your husband.
Author Laura P Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 My first husband was not a loser. He worked every day of his life to support me and our children. He made an awful mistake and had an affair. I have forgiven him and understand his reasons (he is not with the affair partner) We are still good friends.
Recommended Posts