wisebutnotperfect Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 About a month ago I reconnected with an old high school girlfriend who had recently moved to my area. She is married. I am single. After emailing back and forth for the month and meeting twice for very short chats in very public places it seems that feelings have grown to a point where we both have become very attached emotionally. We have not even kissed but the connection is very powerful. I have decided in my mind that we will talk soon and when we do I am going to let her know that we will not be sleeping with each other unless she should decide that her marriage is over. She hasn't really bad mouthed her hubby but has told me that she feels empty and hollow in her relationship with him. I just know that if we cheat that there will always be that clouded beginning to a new relationship. She has also let me know that my respect for her is very important. I think I am on the right track. I am trying very hard not to sway her in my direction but the feelings are very strong. What other things should I be considering? Am I wrong to even be talking to her at all?
Dexter Morgan Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 About a month ago I reconnected with an old high school girlfriend who had recently moved to my area. She is married. I am single. After emailing back and forth for the month and meeting twice for very short chats in very public places it seems that feelings have grown to a point where we both have become very attached emotionally. More and more we always hear stories of myspace and facebook making cheating and hookups more easily attainable. I think that is one of the first things I'll have to ask a woman in the future is if they have an account at either. If they do, I'll have to seriously consider not considering them. We have not even kissed but the connection is very powerful. I have decided in my mind that we will talk soon and when we do I am going to let her know that we will not be sleeping with each other unless she should decide that her marriage is over. No sleeping? what about everything else? How about you tell her you won't be having any more contact with her unless she decides the marriage is over? She hasn't really bad mouthed her hubby but has told me that she feels empty and hollow in her relationship with him. Cheaters never will admit when things are still good at home. I just know that if we cheat that there will always be that clouded beginning to a new relationship. At least you have your head on straight there. Because if she cheats on her husband, then you'd be getting a cheater. She has also let me know that my respect for her is very important. I think I am on the right track. I am trying very hard not to sway her in my direction but the feelings are very strong. What other things should I be considering? Am I wrong to even be talking to her at all? My opinion, yes, you are wrong for talking to her at all. If there weren't these feelings, maybe that would be different.
troubadour Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 "Am I wrong to even be talking to her at all?" Wisebutnotperfect, it is perfectly fine. How could you even get an idea that something could be wrong with it? Of course, it would be completely different story if you were her husband and some dude wanted to talk to her behind your back. There is no question that in such case he would be a cold-blooded motherf...er. But since you are not her husband it is absolutely fine for you to talk to her behind his back.
Sands_of_time Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 About a month ago I reconnected with an old high school girlfriend who had recently moved to my area. She is married. I am single. Am I wrong to even be talking to her at all? Wise..good for you for seeking advice before you jump. I commend you for being mature enough to seek out advice first. I am speaking from the husband's point of view so I hope this helps you. 3 1/2 months ago my wife reconnected with an old boyfriend via facebook so I can relate to your predicament. She ended up having an affair with him. I would not say I am wise (my 85 year old grandfather is wise) but I am fairly intelligent, relatively articulate, good job, good home (2 actually), nice car, decent looking..blah, blah, blah. Keep in mind this really isn't me talking. This is the devil on my shoulder.... "I want to rip your b*lls off and shove them down your throat, you pathetic little man. If I find you, you should put on your track shoes because I will be on your tail until my last breath. If you touch or speak to my wife in a way that is inappropriate you will be hunted down like the nappy dog you are and I will boil you in oil until you scream like a little Sally girl. I do not care who contacted who. Catch my drift, snowflake?" And that's being polite, of course. Now keep in mind the angel on my shoulder knows I should really be focusing on my wife, but the devil is difficult to beat. Many men are hardwired to protect. You may get physically hurt by a p*ssed off husband. Or maybe not. To be honest if I knew who you were and I saw you in public it wouldn't be a stretch for me to want to knock out your teeth (devil again). But emotionally you are going to feel shame and guilt after the initial lust wears off and you realize that you have a hand in putting the nail in the coffin of someone's marriage. Go find a single woman and keep your hands out of the bees nest. The honey looks sweet, but you are going to get stung. Good luck and do the right thing.
You'reasian Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 We have not even kissed but the connection is very powerful. I have decided in my mind that we will talk soon and when we do I am going to let her know that we will not be sleeping with each other unless she should decide that her marriage is over. She hasn't really bad mouthed her hubby but has told me that she feels empty and hollow in her relationship with him. What other things should I be considering? Am I wrong to even be talking to her at all? You can be friends, but you need to respect this woman's marriage first and foremost.
Island Girl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Go find a single woman and keep your hands out of the bees nest. The honey looks sweet, but you are going to get stung. Sand_of_time GREAT POST! Loved the whole thing but the part above is my favorite! OP you are playing with fire. You both have nostalgic emotions that are going to be reignited. Now you have lit that fire and it is wrong, wrong, wrong. You should not be talking to her unless she is single. She is having issues in her marriage and she is using you as an escape - an exciting escape that makes her feel things she is looking for. But she is looking OUTSIDE of the marriage instead of within it. And she is creating a whole other problem when she already had a mess to deal with. If you continue you just become part of the problem and that problem gets bigger. Just stay away from her. Tell her you should have never had such conversations, that she is a married woman and you are not the person she needs to be talking to - she needs to talk to her husband about her feelings and get that straight.
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