mitts82 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Back story: every time we fight, my boyfriend gets mad, storms out and breaks up with me. He apologizes the next day and life goes on. This time, I told him I think we need to take a break and work on our issues separately. He is seeing a psychologist, which is a step in the right direction. He can’t keep acting like a 5 year old every time we fight. I didn’t want to break up with him, but I know we can’t keep going on like this, and it isn’t right to allow him to “break up” with me at every turn. My question is, what now? I haven’t been talking to him, and it has been so hard. Part of me wants to say, yes, let’s go to couple’s counseling and work on this together. The other part of me says that I need to stand my ground. But for how long? When should I contact him again? I don’t want him to think I have given up. Help!
Ronni_W Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 You could call or send a (snail mail) card that you're proud of him and you're confident in his ability to achieve whatever goals he's set for himself in therapy. Then ask if/how you can support and encourage him (to achieve those goals.) Since you say that you need to work on your issues separately, that would indicate your own need to undertake some serious self-help work or individual therapy, which can be a faster, more efficient and productive route (which you may already be doing one or both, of course.) If not, a risk of letting him "out develop" you through his own therapy and personal growth efforts is that...well, he will outgrow you. I do agree with you: individual issues ought to be tackled before couples' counseling. CC tends to work better when there are two already well-functioning individuals participating. Sending good luck, and wishes for positive outcomes.
lonelygurl Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Back story: every time we fight, my boyfriend gets mad, storms out and breaks up with me. He apologizes the next day and life goes on. This time, I told him I think we need to take a break and work on our issues separately. He is seeing a psychologist, which is a step in the right direction. He can’t keep acting like a 5 year old every time we fight. I didn’t want to break up with him, but I know we can’t keep going on like this, and it isn’t right to allow him to “break up” with me at every turn. My question is, what now? I haven’t been talking to him, and it has been so hard. Part of me wants to say, yes, let’s go to couple’s counseling and work on this together. The other part of me says that I need to stand my ground. But for how long? When should I contact him again? I don’t want him to think I have given up. Help! If you think couples counseling would work and he is willing then it might be worth a try. But you can't keep going on like you have been. It sounds like he needs to learn some anger management as well that he can't always be in control. If he always storms off and breaks up it is because he wants complete control and to get his own way. That is not what a relationship is about. If he is not willing to go to couples counseling and work on the issues then you may want to really think about whether you want to spend the rest of you life with someone like this. I left my Xhusband after 18 years because of stuff like this and he was not willing to do counseling after numerous tries on my part....needless to say once my mind was made up I was leaving he begged to do counseling but I was beyond looking back.
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