MindoverMatter Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 So. This men is currently living in a different state, will come back this summer, has admitted feelings for me before he left and we are in semi contact. He asked me a couple of times whether I would go to a gallery opening this weekend, and I told him that I would not be able to, for several reasons, mainly university obligations. 3 days ago, he asked yet again, and I yet again told him that I wouldn't be going because of my full schedule and a very nasty case of the flu. No kidding, I am in bed, fever and all. Just a couple of moments ago, the doorbell rang, he was there. He hadn't told me that he would come to town and he asked whether I wanted to go to the gallery. Mind you, I was in sweat pants, a shawl, socks and a tissue in my hand. I can barely speak and I was coughing opening the door. Really the image of sickness. And he just said, hi, wanna go to the gallery. When I said no, he asked again and only after I told him that I wouldn't ask him inside and that I really needed to go back to bed, he left. Now, this is not really a big deal, I guess, but it does irk me. 1. I said several times that I couldn't and wouldn't do this. And he didn't even ask me whether I wanted to go with him, back then, but simply if I wanted to go. 2. He was informed of my state of health and obviously didn't care, because he just showed up and expected me to come with him. (Which is a habit.) 3. The whole gallery thing is something he started with his ex, whom he still has pictures of and is in contact with. It's not really my, nor our thing. Am I just annoyed because I am a cranky sick beotch, or is he off? Can't decide right now.
Geishawhelk Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 ........ 2. He was informed of my state of health and obviously didn't care, because he just showed up and expected me to come with him. (Which is a habit.) Well habits can be broken... I'd encourage him to do this.... 3. The whole gallery thing is something he started with his ex, whom he still has pictures of and is in contact with. It's not really my, nor our thing. So he's trying to perpetuate something he did with his ex.... sounds like he ain't over something..... Am I just annoyed because I am a cranky sick beotch, or is he off? Can't decide right now. I can, you're not, he is. Big Time. What an idiot.....!
Touche Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I agree with Geish..it's not you. He's off. Just the showing up unexpected/uninvited thing would have pissed me off. How rude. He totally ignored you and had his own agenda. Did he at least offer to get you anything since you're sick? Sounds like an inconsiderate jerk. Hope you feel better soon.
Stockalone Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 So. This men is currently living in a different state, will come back this summer, has admitted feelings for me before he left and we are in semi contact. Not that it matters much, but the kind of relationship you have would influence how I see his actions. He asked me a couple of times whether I would go to a gallery opening this weekend, and I told him that I would not be able to, for several reasons, mainly university obligations. 3 days ago, he asked yet again, and I yet again told him that I wouldn't be going because of my full schedule and a very nasty case of the flu. No kidding, I am in bed, fever and all. If it helps, you are not alone. I have got a cold too with all the pesky things that go along with it. One of my favourites is that my ears won't pop, which it's driving me crazy. Just a couple of moments ago, the doorbell rang, he was there. He hadn't told me that he would come to town and he asked whether I wanted to go to the gallery. Mind you, I was in sweat pants, a shawl, socks and a tissue in my hand. I can barely speak and I was coughing opening the door. Really the image of sickness. After seeing that you are not well, he should have never asked you to go to the gallery with him. Seeing that a woman I have feelings for is sick, makes me want to take care of her. Not drag her outside into the cold. And he just said, hi, wanna go to the gallery. When I said no, he asked again and only after I told him that I wouldn't ask him inside and that I really needed to go back to bed, he left. That makes him an idiot, plain and simple. Especially since he already knew that you were sick. Now, this is not really a big deal, I guess, but it does irk me. 1. I said several times that I couldn't and wouldn't do this. And he didn't even ask me whether I wanted to go with him, back then, but simply if I wanted to go. It doesn't hurt to ask. He was probably hoping you would say yes if he went to see you in person. Not the smartest idea, but I can't really blame him for trying. But that also kind of depends on the context, what kind of relationship you have. If he has feelings for you and you are not averse to his advances, I would think that it is only natural for him to try to see you every time he is in town. If you don't want that kind of attention from him, it gets a bit creepy if he shows up unannounced regularly. Then again, he could be simply clueless and too dense to notice it. 2. He was informed of my state of health and obviously didn't care, because he just showed up and expected me to come with him. (Which is a habit.) If it's a habit with him, and he already knows you a bit, then he should have known that showing up unannounced is certainly not a good idea and that you won't like it. Knowing that you are sick, he should have showed up with a chicken soup (or a vegatarian noodle soup) and your favourite chocolate or sweets. That would have been a win-win situation for the both of you. If you let him in, you have someone that can take care of you and he gets to be near you. If you don't let him in, you still get the soup and are probably glad that he cares and tries to make you feel better when you are sick. And he could have shown you that he wants to be there for you, with no ulterior motive in mind. That he cares about your well-being first and foremost. Sadly, he missed that opportunity. All he had to do was show up and say: "I know you are not feeling well, but I wanted to say hi, given that I am in town this weekend. Don't worry, I am not going to bother you much. I know it sucks to be sick and I just wanted to help and that is why I brought you some things to speed up your recovery. Hopefully, the next time I am in town, you are feeling better and we can do something together. I hope you get well soon!" 3. The whole gallery thing is something he started with his ex, whom he still has pictures of and is in contact with. It's not really my, nor our thing. Does he know it's not your thing? Am I just annoyed because I am a cranky sick beotch, or is he off? Can't decide right now. Both But since you are sick, being a bit cranky is okay. He, unfortunately, doesn't have an exuse. I hope you get well soon.
Author MindoverMatter Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Ha! Thanks, you guys. This cranky sick beotch is glad she didn't misjudge. Geishawelk: To the point! Me likey! Touche: No, he did name me a herbal tea I should try out. He probably would have gone and bought it if I had asked him to do so, though. I guess. Stuckalone: Our relationship is complicated. I basically told him that I was not looking for something serious, but casual dating and "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" mentality. Because of the LDR component here, I wouldn't want to waste my heart on somebody who could be doing whatever with whomever. I didn't phrase it like this, but that's about it. He has said that he loved me and agrees with the situation. When he comes back, things might change. Therefore, I would never expect him to go and take care of me while I am sick, but I expect politeness. Which in my view doesn't equate to coming unanounced and knowing that a visit would not suit my plans at all. (Though bringing food or trying to take care would not led to the same results, aka furrowed brows and a closed door.) He does know that the gallery-world is not my natural habitat. I sometimes wonder if he sees me as some sort of replacement for his ex. However, they broke up about a year ago. Surely, he can't still be looking for a rebound?
voldigicam Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 It's an interesting situation. I think I've been on both sides of this type of thing. Back when I was much much much younger I wouldn't see the signals, wouldn't attempt to develop a mutual relationship, would tend to impose my world instead of letting a mutual world develop. That (of course) doesn't work and seems to be the situation here. Given your minimally stated desires in an essentially NSA mostly LDR and his consistent violation of developing a mutual, rather than "he drives" relationship, I suspect you'd do better with a Craiglist ad! Now these type of people drive me nut. I think they drive everyone nuts except someone who is complementary in their nuttiness. Unless you're willing to become that complementary person (I doubt!) or willing to engage in extensive behavioral modification of your stalker (a real hassle - like training a new puppy, always have to be on guard and totally consistent) then I suspect this is a dead end. Even harsh training seems unlikely to work in the short term. I've had real trainees in the shop who end up looking like stalkers to me. I'm pretty soft spoken and terse. Someone who needs to be told "NO - don't do that!" doesn't work well with me. This fellow sounds like he'd need that level of input to be directed, which wears me out quickly. Lots of fish in the sea.
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 If a member takes the time to respond to your thread with some well, thought-out opinion, the least you can do is not be rude and mess around with his username, regardless of personal history between the two of you.
Author MindoverMatter Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Huh? But I agree, of course. Names are names, people. Respect the name. Oh, there is an update, thank you Trialbyfire (see, I wrote it out), for bumping the thread. He came by again, with a coffee, steamed buns and a dvd. I was really not into seeing anybody, but he is damn good looking and won't be in town for a while and I am not sick anymore and long story short we had a great night. :cool:He is a bit of a jerk sometimes and obviously hung up on his ex and that's okay. Because I don't want to marry him and that won't change, so I can be a cranky beotch when I feel like it, too. Also: I'll be going to Egypt!! Work related and all, but still totally awesome. And he will come visit, which would too much usually, but I'll be there for a while, and I can't say it often enough he is damn good looking. So we will go shopping later, me: sunblocker, he: shorts.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 You know, my mom made an interesting comment to me awhile back. In our society, when a man says "no," it means "no." But if it comes out of a woman's mouth, it means, "maybe." Like if you just keep talking to her, you can talk her into it. I hate this line of thinking - I think it's downright disrespectful. And if he had shown up on my doorstep (after telling him NO twice already) I would have told him to go to hell.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 If a member takes the time to respond to your thread with some well, thought-out opinion, the least you can do is not be rude and mess around with his username, regardless of personal history between the two of you. LOL - I couldn't figure out what you were talking about. Don't you think the "u" in place of the "o" was just a mistake and not a personal attack? Or are you referring to something else?
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 LOL - I couldn't figure out what you were talking about. Don't you think the "u" in place of the "o" was just a mistake and not a personal attack? Or are you referring to something else? It was deliberate. Regardless, I'm sure that MindOverMatter will have a great fling.
Author MindoverMatter Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 No, it wasn't. Stockalone, despite the past, I am sure you know that I wouldn't belittle you like that. I had forgotten all about it, actually. You know, my mom made an interesting comment to me awhile back. In our society, when a man says "no," it means "no." But if it comes out of a woman's mouth, it means, "maybe." Like if you just keep talking to her, you can talk her into it. I hate this line of thinking - I think it's downright disrespectful. And if he had shown up on my doorstep (after telling him NO twice already) I would have told him to go to hell. I am beginning to see that as well. What a wuzz! But oh so cute.
sand26 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 So. This men is currently living in a different state, will come back this summer, has admitted feelings for me before he left and we are in semi contact. He asked me a couple of times whether I would go to a gallery opening this weekend, and I told him that I would not be able to, for several reasons, mainly university obligations. 3 days ago, he asked yet again, and I yet again told him that I wouldn't be going because of my full schedule and a very nasty case of the flu. No kidding, I am in bed, fever and all. Just a couple of moments ago, the doorbell rang, he was there. He hadn't told me that he would come to town and he asked whether I wanted to go to the gallery. Mind you, I was in sweat pants, a shawl, socks and a tissue in my hand. I can barely speak and I was coughing opening the door. Really the image of sickness. And he just said, hi, wanna go to the gallery. When I said no, he asked again and only after I told him that I wouldn't ask him inside and that I really needed to go back to bed, he left. Now, this is not really a big deal, I guess, but it does irk me. 1. I said several times that I couldn't and wouldn't do this. And he didn't even ask me whether I wanted to go with him, back then, but simply if I wanted to go. 2. He was informed of my state of health and obviously didn't care, because he just showed up and expected me to come with him. (Which is a habit.) 3. The whole gallery thing is something he started with his ex, whom he still has pictures of and is in contact with. It's not really my, nor our thing. Am I just annoyed because I am a cranky sick beotch, or is he off? Can't decide right now. bother me? it would creep me out the mfk
collegekid491 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 The term... creeper, comes to mind Its not normal... lock all doors, dial 9-1 on the phone, and get a hard copy of lord of rings to beat him with if he enters the perimeter!
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