lonelygurl Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 It is over isn't it ?. This is the point I am at after 2 months. After talking with my counselor today we realized that for the first 2 months I have still be in shock and avoiding the really truth that it is over and the pain that goes with it. After my emails with my X yesterday and talking to him today, it sinks in that it really is over. It is a very hard thing to accept. I am in DBT and that is one thing you have to learn Radical Acceptance. You now have to feel the pain of the loss and learn to accept it. It is painful and hard but you have to in order to heal. http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/radical_acceptance.html
nature Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 " thanks for the e mail. I haven't replied earlier as I have been busy. Hope you are keeping well. We can meet up and be friends. Look after youself. Take care X. Will answer your e mail later in the week ". Zammo....no, no, noooooooo don't be upset. First of all, she wasn't too busy to reply. I've said that before when I've felt confused and needed time to think before replying. We both know that nobody is too busy to send a quick text. She was just confused. The fact that she even replied says a lot. And the fact that she's saying she hopes you two can meet up and be friends? She's confused. She is not over you. We all know that nobody pulls out the "let's be friends" card unless there are some feelings left there. Also telling you she is going to reply to your email. I dont' know exactly what you said in your email, but I'm assuming you weren't asking for a reply? So she obviously has some things she wants to say too. If she didn't care, she could have just ignored your email and not replied at all. Or she could have just sent a quick thank you text, wished you well, and said nothing else. Do not say anything back right now. Have you replied already? If not, then I suggest you don't. Muster up all of your dignity and self-respect, and let things lie for now. Play the "cool" card right now. She is thinking. She may choose to respond to your email as she's said, or she may decide not too. You cannot change this fact. So just leave it alone right now. Take some space. For yourself. You got to say your peace of mind. Now be happy that you did. Be happy that you said your peace. Even if you never speak to this woman again, be happy that you had the dignity, maturity and self-respect to write her your true feelings. This says a lot for you as a person. So give yourself a hug. And know that you are a good person. Stop beating yourself up.
irishsimon Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 You are soooo not ready to have an contact with this woman. You are telling her how you feel and then calling her a b**ch. What would really happen if she called you? I bet you would be lovely to start of with and then start laying into her. That seems to be a pattern in your posts. Where would that get you? I sent an email recently and I have had nothing back so you are doing better than many. She wants some sort of contct with you..and obviously cares for you and still shows you respect. I think thats pretty evident but you are nowhere near ready to talk to this woman let alone be involved with her. You need to let go a whole lot more before you talk otherwise you will say or do sometjhing completely daft and then you will end up on LS again lamenting how you acted. Cut it the f**k loose for at least a week and get some perspective. Mate..I know it hard. Its one of the hardest tings you will ever do but its in your best interests. If you love her..set her free..for now.
Author Zammo25 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 You are soooo not ready to have an contact with this woman. You are telling her how you feel and then calling her a b**ch. What would really happen if she called you? I bet you would be lovely to start of with and then start laying into her. That seems to be a pattern in your posts. Where would that get you? I sent an email recently and I have had nothing back so you are doing better than many. She wants some sort of contct with you..and obviously cares for you and still shows you respect. I think thats pretty evident but you are nowhere near ready to talk to this woman let alone be involved with her. You need to let go a whole lot more before you talk otherwise you will say or do sometjhing completely daft and then you will end up on LS again lamenting how you acted. Cut it the f**k loose for at least a week and get some perspective. Mate..I know it hard. Its one of the hardest tings you will ever do but its in your best interests. If you love her..set her free..for now. Anger, confustion and a fair few drinks made me call her a bitch. Of course I did not mean it, I love her and miss her terribly. I am not going to make contact again. I did reply to her text with a brief text. Its just the fact she has moved on and carrying on with her life as if the last 3 and a half years did not happen without a care in the world and I have fallen to pieces. I do not regret the e mail I sent after 30 days NC however as I said things that needed to be said and I did all I could. It is over as we could never get back together after this and I would be mad to even consider it. I have strong vibes she is seeing someone else as well. It all seems just to coincidental all of this sh*t.
sedgwick Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I am in DBT and that is one thing you have to learn Radical Acceptance. I'm in DBT too, at a hospital in NYC. Where are you?? How long have you been doing it?
lonelygurl Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I'm in DBT too, at a hospital in NYC. Where are you?? How long have you been doing it? Hi, I'm in a city in Ontario Canada at a hospital. I'd rather not say what city. I'm about 10 hours from you!! I've been in my group just over six months. It runs for a year. I mentioned in the other message you can PM.
Thunder bay Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I'm in a bit of a simillar situation as you zammo, still in love with "a woman so heartless" she contacted me awhile ago, but no way am i replying just dont do it Zammo, i know its hard but if she doesnt love you anymore she doesnt love you... what goes around comes around remember!!!
Thunder bay Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 OK so you replied to the text...wrong move dude!
Author Zammo25 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 OK so you replied to the text...wrong move dude! It doesn't really matter now my friend as its well and truely OVER. I will never contact her again though I can tell you. I am really pissed off at the way she has treated me.
Thunder bay Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Zammo i know exactly what your going through dude, i understand your pain, im still feeling it & can't forget her & its been sooooo long.
Joker77 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 It's easy for me to play Monday morning quarterback, but I wouldn't have sent an e-mail. What were you hoping to accomplish? You obviously wanted a different result than what you got. Once someone dumps you, the ball is in their court if they ever want to pursue something again, not yours. Like they said in Swingers, you can only do things to make them not come back. I'm not trying to be harsh here, but sending e-mails doesn't help matters. You have to go strict no contact and take the power back.
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