Goatsbreath Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Ok, yup so I broke NC. I was on 19 days, longest ever and I broke it. I had today off and I knew it would be a tuff day because I struggle with keeping myself busy. Anyway, I ended up running a few odds and ends to her place that were floating around in my car from when I finished emptying the apartment. At first I was going to leave it near the door but curiousity got the best of me and I knocked. She answered the door. Me: Hi, I was near by and just wanted to drop off this stuff. Sorry I didn't call first but I didn't pay my cell bill yet and I can only take calls. Her: Oh, thanks for dropping off the stuff. I would invite you in but roger is here and that would be weird. You can call me sometime though if you get your phone fixed. Me: So, I guess you are seeing him then. Her:Yeah, you knew that. Me: No, last time I talked to you said you were taking time. Her: Well, I gotta go, Im getting ready for work. Me: OK, bye. Well, it pretty much ended there with her shutting the door in my face and making a odd face. I know you all will be like way to go idiot but I'm not sure I feel that way. Ok, so I lost 19 days of NC but I feel I gained something else and I hope this is just not a passing feeling from it being fresh. See, in hurling myself into the ugly truth of what it really is I feel like finally I can go NC for the right reasons. See, if I would of caught her alone she would of skirted around saying anything so definite and would have left things somewhat grey. She would of let me hold onto some little bits of hope. I would be sitting here day 19 NC thinking I wonder if she misses me, I wonder if she is realizing she made a mistake, I wonder if she will call. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. I wonder how long I have to go before she misses me, what day NC will it be. I know NC was supposed to be for me but no matter what I couldn't help it, truthfully for me, it was about how much time can she go before she starts to miss me. Will she want me back? Now, I don't have hope. As far as her I don't have anything to grasp onto, no grey words that I hold onto and call them hope. I have nothing but myself. And so this is where NC begins again but this time its for me. I dont think I will even count because I think counting was a sign that I was counting the days in between me and her and really there is no her. NC this time is about me and it will mean improving myself and there is no set amount of days in which this will be accomplished. Did it hurt, sure it did a little bit. When I walked down the stairs I felt some tears building up but then I walked outside and it was bright and sunny and there was some music playing from somewhere. bells Screw this girl, there has to be something better that will not treat me like garbage. Yes, I broke NC but instead of sitting here on day 19 wondering if there's a chance shes regretting her choice, that she really does love me. I'm sitting here instead wondering OK, .............whats next for me?
Knight_Ctrl Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Yeah man. I've had a hard time figuring out whats next....and really the answer to that is who ****ing knows. The best that you, I, and just about everyone else on here is to go back to NC and stick with it for as long as we can. I took have broken NC recently. Fortunately I've managed to be pissed off about what happened more than I have been depressed about missing her. I truly think were always going to miss these girls. But I was just thinking. LS shows us that there ARE people out there like us who are great partners, and I know that someday we'll find someone who wont hurt us. Until then we just have to stay strong. Go back to NC, count your losses and you already know you're becoming a stronger person from this. Take care bro.
Zammo25 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Ok, yup so I broke NC. I was on 19 days, longest ever and I broke it. I had today off and I knew it would be a tuff day because I struggle with keeping myself busy. Anyway, I ended up running a few odds and ends to her place that were floating around in my car from when I finished emptying the apartment. At first I was going to leave it near the door but curiousity got the best of me and I knocked. She answered the door. Me: Hi, I was near by and just wanted to drop off this stuff. Sorry I didn't call first but I didn't pay my cell bill yet and I can only take calls. Her: Oh, thanks for dropping off the stuff. I would invite you in but roger is here and that would be weird. You can call me sometime though if you get your phone fixed. Me: So, I guess you are seeing him then. Her:Yeah, you knew that. Me: No, last time I talked to you said you were taking time. Her: Well, I gotta go, Im getting ready for work. Me: OK, bye. Well, it pretty much ended there with her shutting the door in my face and making a odd face. I know you all will be like way to go idiot but I'm not sure I feel that way. Ok, so I lost 19 days of NC but I feel I gained something else and I hope this is just not a passing feeling from it being fresh. See, in hurling myself into the ugly truth of what it really is I feel like finally I can go NC for the right reasons. See, if I would of caught her alone she would of skirted around saying anything so definite and would have left things somewhat grey. She would of let me hold onto some little bits of hope. I would be sitting here day 19 NC thinking I wonder if she misses me, I wonder if she is realizing she made a mistake, I wonder if she will call. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. I wonder how long I have to go before she misses me, what day NC will it be. I know NC was supposed to be for me but no matter what I couldn't help it, truthfully for me, it was about how much time can she go before she starts to miss me. Will she want me back? Now, I don't have hope. As far as her I don't have anything to grasp onto, no grey words that I hold onto and call them hope. I have nothing but myself. And so this is where NC begins again but this time its for me. I dont think I will even count because I think counting was a sign that I was counting the days in between me and her and really there is no her. NC this time is about me and it will mean improving myself and there is no set amount of days in which this will be accomplished. Did it hurt, sure it did a little bit. When I walked down the stairs I felt some tears building up but then I walked outside and it was bright and sunny and there was some music playing from somewhere. bells Screw this girl, there has to be something better that will not treat me like garbage. Yes, I broke NC but instead of sitting here on day 19 wondering if there's a chance shes regretting her choice, that she really does love me. I'm sitting here instead wondering OK, .............whats next for me? Hi buddy. I have said this a couple of weeks ago but SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE. Don't do this to yourself. I broke NC after 30 days with a final e mail. Thats it, OVER, DONE , DUSTED. You cannot make her love you. You should NOT have turned up without calling first. Listen you are starting to get in STALKER territory and that is sad and pathetic. Certainly thats the way she will look at it. You must NEVER do that again. I think you need to consider counselling. You do not want a restraining order which is the way you are going. We are in this together. Send me a private message and we can get through this together. You deserve BETTER than this sh*t. You have to move on.
Zammo25 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Ok, yup so I broke NC. I was on 19 days, longest ever and I broke it. I had today off and I knew it would be a tuff day because I struggle with keeping myself busy. Anyway, I ended up running a few odds and ends to her place that were floating around in my car from when I finished emptying the apartment. At first I was going to leave it near the door but curiousity got the best of me and I knocked. She answered the door. Me: Hi, I was near by and just wanted to drop off this stuff. Sorry I didn't call first but I didn't pay my cell bill yet and I can only take calls. Her: Oh, thanks for dropping off the stuff. I would invite you in but roger is here and that would be weird. You can call me sometime though if you get your phone fixed. Me: So, I guess you are seeing him then. Her:Yeah, you knew that. Me: No, last time I talked to you said you were taking time. Her: Well, I gotta go, Im getting ready for work. Me: OK, bye. Well, it pretty much ended there with her shutting the door in my face and making a odd face. I know you all will be like way to go idiot but I'm not sure I feel that way. Ok, so I lost 19 days of NC but I feel I gained something else and I hope this is just not a passing feeling from it being fresh. See, in hurling myself into the ugly truth of what it really is I feel like finally I can go NC for the right reasons. See, if I would of caught her alone she would of skirted around saying anything so definite and would have left things somewhat grey. She would of let me hold onto some little bits of hope. I would be sitting here day 19 NC thinking I wonder if she misses me, I wonder if she is realizing she made a mistake, I wonder if she will call. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. I wonder how long I have to go before she misses me, what day NC will it be. I know NC was supposed to be for me but no matter what I couldn't help it, truthfully for me, it was about how much time can she go before she starts to miss me. Will she want me back? Now, I don't have hope. As far as her I don't have anything to grasp onto, no grey words that I hold onto and call them hope. I have nothing but myself. And so this is where NC begins again but this time its for me. I dont think I will even count because I think counting was a sign that I was counting the days in between me and her and really there is no her. NC this time is about me and it will mean improving myself and there is no set amount of days in which this will be accomplished. Did it hurt, sure it did a little bit. When I walked down the stairs I felt some tears building up but then I walked outside and it was bright and sunny and there was some music playing from somewhere. bells Screw this girl, there has to be something better that will not treat me like garbage. Yes, I broke NC but instead of sitting here on day 19 wondering if there's a chance shes regretting her choice, that she really does love me. I'm sitting here instead wondering OK, .............whats next for me? Its a shame you live in the UA and I live in the UK as I reckon we could be friends. If you were local we could go and have a beer but as thats not possible we can be virtual friends. We are in the same place at the moment and it is SH*T. Make no mistake. All we can do is hope that it will get better and eat, drink , sleep and breath. Thats all we can do right now.
Author Goatsbreath Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Hey Zammo, I know it seems that way but she left the apartment without even offering to help clean it. We lived together and I think she should of taken some responsibility but anyway, I just dropped off the rest of her crap which she thanked me for. Anyway, I actually feel better then I did before I went there. I feel like I have let go of hope for her and opted for hope for me. I know there are tuff days ahead still but don't worry, I will not be going back over. I'm done. I really feel like I needed to experience this so her words could not cloud my mind and fill me with false hope. I mean, even in this brief conversation why is she telling me to call her if I want. I don't give a damn, I'm not going to, I'm done. I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. Seriously, I'm done and she can go **** herself
Author Goatsbreath Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Zammo, that would be great to go have a beer right now and raise the spirits. I feel I have exhausted the ears of my friends and family as they think I should just be done with it. Well I am done with it but that don't mean its easy or I don't have days I think about it. Anytime you want to talk I'm here for ya man.
Knight_Ctrl Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 ****, I'll go have a beer with you fellas.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm beer anyway, were done with our exs. as far as I can see they don't deserve to even have us care about them. Good or bad, these girls are the worst kind of people. We all deserve better.
Author Goatsbreath Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 "We all deserve better" cheers to that, haha
Zammo25 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 ****, I'll go have a beer with you fellas.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm beer anyway, were done with our exs. as far as I can see they don't deserve to even have us care about them. Good or bad, these girls are the worst kind of people. We all deserve better. I wish I could belive that.
lamar23 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 My ex was a good girl(we all have our issues) and I miss her. She is talking to another guy now and she tried to talk to me when they had problems. She tells me lil things like I miss u and stuff and it keeps me hoping. I relaixed that hope is ur worst enemy when it comes to getting over a girl. The fact that we care so much goes to show we are good men and someone will appreciate us. I bet u just like me made mistakes that lead to it. I learned from mine and will do better in my next relationship. She called me and told me they broke up and some of that hope came back but I fought it and did not ask her back or anything. Sure enough they got right back she said this is his last chance but I'm not waiting on her. Don't keep hope, don't pray and have faith about it, or anything else that willl have u hoping. Just move on like she is history and if it is meant to be then it will come back on its own without our effort. Move on and have fun. We are on the same page.
Author Goatsbreath Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 hey lamar, you are right, hope is the great deceiver that keeps you from healing and moving on. The only hope is for yourself.
Author Goatsbreath Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Funny side note: My friend just sent me a email saying they found a band that's playing near me that I might be interested in. The band is called "sick of sarah" haha, thats my ex's name.
Justmike101 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 keep ur head up. don't worry too much about it man. we all make mistakes and sometimes it's necessary to get some doubts removed. You will be tempted again. Just make sure to remind urself of the reality each time.
angelus Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 you did it man....you realized what you were doing and you caught yourself....you. you alone and nobody helped you realize it. That is huge progress man...sometimes it takes people years to figure something like that out. I agree with everyone that has posted. She is with someone else...she doesn't love you anymore...its true man. These women always have something to jump right into for there own validation. Don't worry she'll **** this guy up the same way she did to you. Man...I hate when girls break all the good guys hearts. Its really depressing. You did a huge thing when you realized that NC should mean forever. I've been guilty of using NC the same way you did..actually the way you explained it was me to the T. You'll find someone else man and when you are ready and she is worthy then she can have your heart. Great Job man..keep your head up. Good things will come your way.
Author Goatsbreath Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Justmike: I'm not mad at myself for breaking NC, I'm glad I did it. I feel tons better, even still today. I feel good. Angelus: Thanks for your support and understanding. Yup today I feel pretty good. I don't have that lingering feeling floating around of some misguided sense of hope distorting my perception. It truly holds you back and makes you focus on nothing else but the possibility of reconnecting. Then you start thinking things like maybe I should harness the things I enjoy to make her something wonderful. Like I started thinking, maybe I should write her a song and play it on guitar. Maybe I should paint her a picture. Maybe I should make a private myspace page dedicated to me and her. When I sat down and learned something new on guitar I wanted to show her like I used to show her but who cares now. I don't want to show her, she don't deserve to know who I am or who I'm becoming. Yes, I learned songs that at first were aimed at poking her in the heart because she liked them and the words were sharp for such a time. Now I know they are just for me. Ok, well thats all. bye for now
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