pparrott Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Question to all you who are married out there. Local Radio station had discussion about this this morning - & I am just curious.....? Is it appropriate for your spouse to be on either of these sites without your knowledge...or without you being able to see what's going on. The reason I ask.....My husband's My Space page reads like the "Who's Who" of the bar biz in our town. (Or I refer to him as Hef....lots of "hot chicks")He has every hot waitress, bartender on this page. They post to each others pages often. They say to him "Thanks for stopping by yesterday - was fun" stuff like that. My husband is almost 49 years old. All of these "girls" are just that....girls. Is this appropriate? I think both of these forums could be damaging to any weak relationship? What do you think?
quankanne Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 my husband knows about my socializing spots, be they the 'Shack or FaceBook, and he's cool with it for the most part, because he understands that I've got friends in both cases (well, on FB, about a third of them are his relatives he's lost contact with over the years!) but there are boundaries in these situations, and it sounds like your guy has crossed them. Is he doing this because he's interested in keeping up with these folks or touching base with them to say 'hey, how ya doing?' or is this more of an ego massage? Sounds like the latter to me, and it's probably time y'all talked about this in depth, about what is appropriate boundaries within the marriage and with "friends" ... because even a healthy relationship can be seriously threatened by these kinds of things.
OWoman Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Question to all you who are married out there. Local Radio station had discussion about this this morning - & I am just curious.....? Is it appropriate for your spouse to be on either of these sites without your knowledge...or without you being able to see what's going on. I'd guess that would depend on how much space / privacy you've negotiated in your M. My fiance and I pretty much leave our email accounts logged in and open on our computers all the time, but neither of us would pry in the other's mail unless asked to do so (eg if he was on the landline in another room, and asked me to check on something in a message) because we'd regard that as an invasion of personal space. Same way I'd never open mail addressed to him - again, unless asked to do so - although his xW clearly still considers it her right to do so . In my case, though, social networking is one of my teaching and research interests and so he knows I have many online profiles, and is interested only insofar as I discuss interesting trends with him. For the rest he finds it arcane and uninteresting - a bit like my views on tennis or bridge. The reason I ask.....My husband's My Space page reads like the "Who's Who" of the bar biz in our town. (Or I refer to him as Hef....lots of "hot chicks")He has every hot waitress, bartender on this page. They post to each others pages often. They say to him "Thanks for stopping by yesterday - was fun" stuff like that. My husband is almost 49 years old. All of these "girls" are just that....girls. Is this appropriate? I think both of these forums could be damaging to any weak relationship? What do you think? I would say in this case that it wasn't the forums that were potentially damaging, but his offline behaviour. If he's stopping by every bar in town, flirting with the hot waitresses, is that more or less damaging than them posting that it was "fun"? If the forums weren't there, would his behaviour IRL be any different - or would he still be hanging out in bars with girls?
Shehe Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I do agree that sites like Facebook and particulary MySpace and so many other social networking sites can be threatening to a relationship. The internet opens a totally different world to individuals opening the doors to infedility making it easier for a cheating husband or cheating wife even in an emotional level. But the key to a healthy marriage is trust, honesty and communication. Here is an article that I found "Infidelity in Marriage and the World Wide Web" that talks about this subject.
2nd-Best Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I can tell you from personal experience and this was before facebook, that me and my ex husband divorced partly due to Myspace. These sites are easy access to countless men and woman who are online to meet mainly and the problem with secrecy and not sharing your online accounts is that most of the time there IS something going on in his/her inbox.. my new relationship is not as impacted as my last by online communities but FACEBOOK has had some impact in many fights, I honestly hate those sites, yet im on both.. lol well my myspace is networking page, its not personal and i deleted my facebook and made a new one with ONLY family and close friends.
sadintexas Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 It's like anything else. It really has nothing to do with the vehicle, but with the driver itself. Social networking sites are only one more way that someone with intent to behave inappropriately can do so. It's up to the person utilizing the sites as to what they use them for.
Wifey2MySexyAsian210 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 I guess it all depends. I just got married February 10th, so I'm pretty new to all this! But from what I do know, it is all based on trust. I have a facebook and my husband is totally cool with it as long as I don't "live on it" like he likes to say LOL. I have it to keep in touch with old friends and family who live in other states. I would be totally fine with him going on my facebook because I don't have anything to hide. He just doesn't want to keep in touch with old friends because it got him a lot of trouble. Like I said, I guess it all depends. Not only on the couple, but also if there have been issues with infidelity and what not. But thats just my opinion! However, I do agree that it can be a threat but only in certain ways and in certain people's relationships or marriages.
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