This Is An Awkward One........

[Marshmallow]

Hey everybody,

 

I used to use this forum years ago but i've forgotten my old username etc, glad to see it's still running well though.

 

I have a situation, it's very delicate........

 

A few weeks ago i started renting out a room in this guys house, he lives there it's his house but he rents out the spare rooms in it. We hit it off really well as friends, he's a lovely guy.

 

Now in my personal life i've been going through some tough times and i hit the drink pretty hard for a few nights straight this week.

He offered to give me a hand massage and we ended up cuddling on the couch.

 

I fell asleep and he woke me up saying 'come on lets go to bed' so he helps me up the stairs and i turn to go in my room and he pulls me towards him and takes me into his room where i fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night and he was cuddled up to me and well one thing led to another. Jiggy jiggy etc.

 

I woke up in the morning, with a hangover from hell. He went to work, came back on his dinner hour and during conversation said 'are you ok with what happened last night' i said 'yes' without even thinking about it.

I mean, who says 'no'? How can you say 'no'? It's just cruel.

 

So he comes home that night and says lets have an early night and i kept avoiding it for as long as i could be we eventually went up to his room.

 

I'm not interested in being with him, he's lovely but its just not there for me. But i just feel as though now we've slept together and cuddled etc and he's talking about doing things together it's too late and if i back off he's going to get hurt and quite possibly want to throw me out of the house.

 

As for the worst case senario, if i get thrown out im buggered. No where to go, i have 3 cats, 3 snakes and i'm doing my degree in the area. If im homeless i lose everything.

 

Please, advice anyone please please please

[Geishawhelk]

Jeesh... before you know it. you'll be pregnant and walking up the aisle dressed in beige.... because you don't open your big mouth.

 

 

This guy is a jerk..

frankly, he took big advantage of you, and is now taking advantage of your good nature.

How dare he!!

Your big mistake was saying yes when he asked you if you were ok with last night.

he took that to mean "and I will be with everything every night from now on."

 

If he does something to you against your will, it's tantamount to sexual assault.

if he does something to you against your will, but you let him, when you don't have to - it's tantamount to being so completely clueless, you're scaring me.

 

You do NOT go to bed with him tonight.

 

You tell him, "Did it to me once, you were an idiot, did it to me twice, I was an idiot, Let's call it quits now, before we make complete idiots of ourselves again."

 

he can't throw you out for this.

if you have all the tenancy agreements and rental conditions (which I'm sure you have - haven't you? Don't tell me you'd be so dumb as to.....) then there's no way he can throw you out.

if he does decide to therow you out, then you know exactly the kind of guy you're dealing with, and I advise telling him you intend to press charges.

It's his word against yours, and trust me - even if it all drops, it won't have done him any good and he'll think twice about screwing someone who's blind drunk and incapable, again.

[Marshmallow]

Thankyou, Geishawhelk i appreciate your honesty

He really did take advantage that night i was drunk, infact thinking back on it....its quite worrying. Yes definatly, it was my mistake the second time for saying nothing and allowing it to happen...i know its know excuse but its the way he talks 'OUR bed' and 'we'll have a relaxing night in with a dvd tonight' and i don't know what to say to him. It's almost like he's settled straight into a couple thing no questions asked.......

Putting that aside,

I'd like to be able to put a stop to things but i just don't know how...

He came home on his dinner hour today and pulled me to him for a cuddle and a kiss and starting saying 'i'll make you thai for tea tonight' and asked me if i want to go for a walk with him tomorrow and then talking about going to the lake district and i just can't i don't want to do those things i'm not ready for anything like this i just don't know how to put a stop to it without it blowing up in my face, what can i say to him? how do i word it?

[sid3]

What a horrible situation to be in. G's reply was right on the money OP.

[Marshmallow]

It is horrible, he gets home tonight about 5-5:30 and he's planning on cooking me a meal. Here i am, pulling my hair out trying to think of what to say to him and when to say it to put a stop to things before 'bed time' without it getting nasty between us.

[Geishawhelk]

Look, it's really very simple.

Do you like yourself?

Do you like yourself enough to want to keep yourself safe?

 

Stop thinking about it all blowing up in your face, because the alternative is far worse, and you do not want it!

 

Do NOT go along with this.

He's making wild assumptions and frankly presuming far too much.

You need to haul yourself out of this one before you get yourself in so deep, you can't even see daylight.

 

I know you must feel sick to your stomach, scared witless and panicking, but really, you have no other choice.

you need to absolutely just blurt out - "Don't assume I'm your girlfriend. I'm just your room mate so let's just leave it at that, ok?

Cook for me if you want, but there's absolutely nothing in this. You're making wild assumptions and frankly, you were out of line screwing me when I was so drunk, and I was a dumbass for letting you do it a second time. Forget all about this.

You go to your room, i'll go to mine and we'll forget any of this happened.

 

Thanks."

Then get up, and go to your room. Shut the door, and don't come out for a half hour.

 

you have to do this.

If his touch leaves you scared and cold - you have to get out of this before it becomes irreversible.

[Marshmallow]

Ok, i have a pretty clear idea of what i'm going to say to him now.

I'll make it short and sweet, straight to the point.

I really appreciate your help and advice Geishawhelk, thankyou.

I feel the need to add, yes i make mistakes but that doesn't necessarily make me dumb as i learn from them and i have certainly learnt from this.

Thankyou again...just waiting for him to come home now, deep breaths!

[Geishawhelk]

Oh please, keep us updated. I'm really just a bit concerned about his attitude.....

 

Good Luck.

 

deep breaths, calm, composed.....