if your date hinted you to dress up nicer -

[hotgelato]

would you be offended?

 

We were talking about shopping and really naturally, I wouldn't mind him dressing up nicer. And told him my exes were all very stylish.

 

I guess he took it kinda seriously. even though he acted like he wasnt bothered by it. Then the date went on to other topics, etc.

 

Later in the date, as we are saying goodbye, he said he'll try to dress up nicer next time.

 

Is this guy offended? Or really sincere in that he's going to try to impress me? I have had issues with this type of thing because I want things certain way, and I hint the guys to do them for me and I think I'm being subtle, but sometimes it isn't so.

 

One other occasion with a different guy, I was really clueless about his views on fashion and materials. I told him he wears that particular sweater a lot, and you must really like it. And I told him it looks good on him. Later on in the relationship, he told me that I am too materialistic. When the only materialistic thing i've mentioned to him was that sweater.

 

Am I being shallow for guys to dress up nice and take care of them? Seriously, I know guys "say" they don't care how girls dress up, but isnt it true that guys treat nice-dressed girls better?

 

I'm not in fashion or anything..but just a curiosity. How do guys feel about dressing up? Them and girls?

[Tomcat33]

Did you tell him you wished he dressed nicer and then said the thing about your exes?

[Island Girl]

would you be offended?

 

We were talking about shopping and really naturally, I wouldn't mind him dressing up nicer. And told him my exes were all very stylish.

 

Yes. That statement is offensive.

 

Also comparing the exes and him - to him - is not a good idea.

 

Is this guy offended? Or really sincere in that he's going to try to impress me? I have had issues with this type of thing because I want things certain way, and I hint the guys to do them for me and I think I'm being subtle, but sometimes it isn't so.

 

You aren't subtle. Even here I can read the words that you are choosing and how you are putting them together.

 

You are a very materialistic girl.

 

Later on in the relationship, he told me that I am too materialistic. When the only materialistic thing i've mentioned to him was that sweater.

 

You do not seem to understand. What you talk about and how you talk about things are very telling.

You don't have to say, "I am materialistic" or talk about money and buying things all the time to know that you are.

 

You care a lot about appearances. You care more about how something looks than the feelings of another.

 

You open your mouth in criticism of another's appearance and then wonder if they are offended. ANYONE would be. So just the fact that you have to ask tells me you are more superficial.

 

Your ex, after spending a lot of time with you, had the same impression. I'm sure most people do.

 

Am I being shallow for guys to dress up nice and take care of them? Seriously, I know guys "say" they don't care how girls dress up, but isnt it true that guys treat nice-dressed girls better?

 

Yes you are being shallow because you are shallow -- but in the bolded sentence you say "and take care of them". Does that mean you buy them clothes you want them to wear, etc.?

 

I love it when my husband dresses up and we got out together.

I also love it when he puts on jeans and a t-shirt and we go to the movies.

I also love it when he puts on his sweats so we can have snuggle Sundays.

 

Point is I love him and what he wears is secondary. I love HIM no matter what he wears.

 

AND NO in answer to your question. Men do not treat well dressed women better.

Men treat women as they let themselves be treated.

There are plenty of wealthy, well-dressed women that are in abusive relationships.

Dress and money have nothing have nothing to do with it. Just like they have nothing to do with the most important things in life.

 

I'm not in fashion or anything..but just a curiosity. How do guys feel about dressing up? Them and girls?

 

My man loves to dress up. He loves nice clothes. But he feels they are accessories -- everything is an accessory. He is himself naked as much as he is himself dressed up or in any clothes.

 

The man makes the clothes - the clothes do not make the man.

[boldjack]

If you and I were dating and you made comments about my dress and used your "exes" as examples, you wouldn't have to worry about how I look, because you wouldn't be within eyesight of me ever again.

[lino]

Seriously, I know guys "say" they don't care how girls dress up, but isnt it true that guys treat nice-dressed girls better?

 

Majority of men treat nicer looking girls better, what she's wearing is of less importance.

A really ugly woman dressed in the most stylish way possible still won't get very far.

 

I'm not in fashion or anything..but just a curiosity. How do guys feel about dressing up? Them and girls?

 

I like to dress well. It makes me feel better and I am Italian afterall

 

For the women around me... I just like that they look neat and respectable

 

 

ps comparing this guy to your exes was also a big mistake, especially making him out to be inferior to them in a sense. I wouldn't take you seriously anymore after that if I was him.

[hotgelato]

ok. well, i just want to clarify how the conversation went.

First, we were talking about shopping in general. He asked me what kind of brands I wear, so I tell him. He tells me his but I honestly never heard of those brands and I was honest about it. Then, he asks me how my exes dressed up usually. I tell him these brands such as prada, hugo boss, since they really were the brands my exes would normally wear.

On the date, he was wearing an old sweater and khaki pants and I didn't make any point on what he wore. He was the one bringing up the exes and told me he does look nice if he wore a suit but doesn't bother to dress up because it's been too cold. So I say, Ok, I understand. HE asks me then, if I wished him to dress up nicer. I tell him, it would be nice if he did, but that it's his choice. He says thank you (?) and we talk about something else..

 

Then, later on the date, as we say goodbye, he tells me he'll try to dress up nicer next time.

 

So..yeah, this is exactly how the date went with the current guy.

 

As far as the old guy with the same sweater goes, I do not wish to care anymore. He hurt me in other ways more than I could hurt him by that comment.

 

Anyways, overall, yes I am materialistic in a sense that I want guys to dress up nice. Because I spend a lot of time making myself pretty for them. But what's underneath is what counts really. But I still argue that unless you get to know people more by spending more time together, which can only occur if I'm physically attracted to them (i.e. them being hygenic, dressed up well, talk well, nice bodied). I'm not going to date you if you show up in your shrunk sweater and dirty sweatpants on our first couple of dates. Seriously, I don't ask for much.

 

Thanks for your inputs guys-

[AlektraClementine]

I LOVE snuggle Sundays!!

[Still Trying]

Similar situation with a past date, we were just talking randomly and the subject of my attire came up. I dress pretty casually, I admit, but that's what make me comfortable so I rock my "baggier jeans" and hoodies all the time. I think this throws women off because I'm in my 30s now and probably still dress like I'm 20 at times (again, don't care, this is what's comfortable to me). Anyway the subject of the hoodie came up and her words were something along the lines of, "It'd be nice if you'd wear a nice sweater from time to time." - that sort of critism I can take if 1. I'm really into the girl, 2. We've been dating for more than a month. Neither of those 2 things were true so guess who never went out on a date with that girl again?

 

Fast forward to my current relationship and quite frankly I know my girl likes it when I "dress up" - "jeans that fit" and a nice shirt so I do it mostly for her but also because I do like to switch it up a lot. She approached the subject so much more delicately and even bought be a really nice shirt that I love. Couple that with the fact that I'm really into her, and guess what, I'm dressing up more in certain situations mainly to please her. And if she's happy, so am I. Keep in mind that I now am empowered to tell HER what I like and don't like of her's. It's only fair. Just keep it polite and respectful and guess what, everybody wins.

 

To the OP, sounds like the guy was just trying to find out what you like. Mer personally I would have ran, but after you explained that it was him who brought the subject up, well then, he asked right? I don't think you're materialistic, just be careful at how much importance you're putting on his woredrobe. Talks about what brands of clothes you like would be an indication that we're not compadible. I have brands that I like too but I wouldn't want to discuss that as it's really not important to me.

 

I still hate the tight jean look on a guy that's so popular now. ugh.

[dreamergrl]

You know, not everyone has the budget to buy those pricey brands. You should like someone for who they are, not what they have.

[amaysngrace]

I love summer because all my BF wears is a pair of boardshorts. But I like him better naked.

[hotgelato]

Well, it's not my fault that most guys who approached me had good styles. Its not that I don't give everyone equal chance but I find that those people tend to be more confident and outgoing, thus, I'm more likely to keep dating them. Point is, yes, I think my date was trying to see what I like, and we've had good conversations and made plans for future dates, so I think he will try to dress up nicer for me. And I'm grateful if he does.

 

I don't want my guy to dress up in gucci and armani suits. But I would want him - whether it is a steady bf, or husband, or just casual fling- to be someone who is aware of his surroundings and is good at taking care of himself. Not so much like metrosexual, but little bit of time taken to look good is related to how much they would want to impress me. But then again, it might backfire if he looked TOO GOOD. lol

[boldjack]

Hg, you're now changing the whole story to put yourself in a better light, after the original negative comments. Now it's your BF who initiated the fashion discussion. Really? You're like every other elitest woman, so shallow you're barely even there.

[boldjack]

BTW, Grace, you're my kind of woman.:D

[Shygirl15]

And told him my exes were all very stylish.

Aalright, heeere we go

 

Why do some people seem unable to make conversation with their SOs without making reference to their exes? Did you think he would find that hilarious, entertaining, or a motivation, maybe? It's like you're comparing him to them, and I can understand why he took it hard. Now if good style is that important to you, why did you choose to be with him in the first place? I think it's a bit unfair accepting to be with someone who's not your type, hoping that you'll change their styles/personalities in future.

[CommitmentPhobe]

I wouldn't mind him dressing up nicer.

Ugh

And told him my exes were all very stylish.

Ugh X 2

 

Later in the date, as we are saying goodbye, he said he'll try to dress up nicer next time.

He must be desperate.

[dreamergrl]

Aalright, heeere we go

 

Why do some people seem unable to make conversation with their SOs without making reference to their exes? Did you think he would find that hilarious, entertaining, or a motivation, maybe? It's like you're comparing him to them, and I can understand why he took it hard. Now if good style is that important to you, why did you choose to be with him in the first place? I think it's a bit unfair accepting to be with someone who's not your type, hoping that you'll change their styles/personalities in future.

 

Shygirl hit it right on the nose! If someone is not 'good' enough for you, let them go and don't try to change them. In the end they will resent you.

 

More often then not, a person's style and appearance reflect on who they are as a person. It's owning your own identity.

 

Making those comments is demeaning, and an unconscious attempt at lowering their self esteem and security in themselves.

 

Do not date someone you can't be happy with. Appreciate people for who they are, not what they wear. And remember, I'm sure you've had dates that didn't think you were the best dressed, or had the best attitude (especially attitude), how would you feel if they compared you to their ex.

[movingonandon]

ok. well, i just want to clarify how the conversation went.

First, we were talking about shopping in general. He asked me what kind of brands I wear, so I tell him. He tells me his but I honestly never heard of those brands and I was honest about it. Then, he asks me how my exes dressed up usually. I tell him these brands such as prada, hugo boss, since they really were the brands my exes would normally wear.

On the date, he was wearing an old sweater and khaki pants and I didn't make any point on what he wore. He was the one bringing up the exes and told me he does look nice if he wore a suit but doesn't bother to dress up because it's been too cold. So I say, Ok, I understand. HE asks me then, if I wished him to dress up nicer. I tell him, it would be nice if he did, but that it's his choice. He says thank you (?) and we talk about something else..

 

Then, later on the date, as we say goodbye, he tells me he'll try to dress up nicer next time.

 

So..yeah, this is exactly how the date went with the current guy.

 

As far as the old guy with the same sweater goes, I do not wish to care anymore. He hurt me in other ways more than I could hurt him by that comment.

 

Anyways, overall, yes I am materialistic in a sense that I want guys to dress up nice. Because I spend a lot of time making myself pretty for them. But what's underneath is what counts really. But I still argue that unless you get to know people more by spending more time together, which can only occur if I'm physically attracted to them (i.e. them being hygenic, dressed up well, talk well, nice bodied). I'm not going to date you if you show up in your shrunk sweater and dirty sweatpants on our first couple of dates. Seriously, I don't ask for much.

 

Thanks for your inputs guys-

 

A basic sweater and basic khaki pants - assuming they fit - are 10 times better look tnan the unremarcable, contrived, crap produced by Boss, Prada, CK, and the like. All mainstream mall brands suck (for the prices they're sold at), so yeah it takes some effort to dress well, but to **** on his sweater and khakis is just silly (assuming they aren't baggy or torn or stained etc.) .

 

As a rule of thumb, if you're using brand names as a primary guideline what to wear, that suggests that you probably have some more work to do towards being able to claim tha tyou've got style, just sayin' :laugh:

[Star Gazer]

Well, it's not my fault that most guys who approached me had good styles. Its not that I don't give everyone equal chance but I find that those people tend to be more confident and outgoing,

 

The only guaranteed difference between a guy who wears Prada and Hugo Boss over a guy dressed like a JCrew catalog is that the former simply spends more money on clothes.

 

unremarcable, contrived, crap produced by Boss, Prada, CK, and the like. All mainstream mall brands suck

 

*GASP!*

 

Do NOT diss the Prada! Prada and CK should not even be used in the same sentence! And I'd hardly call those designers "mainstream mall brands." Somehow I doubt that the mall in Podunk, Utah carries Prada.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Am I being shallow for guys to dress up nice and take care of them? Seriously, I know guys "say" they don't care how girls dress up, but isnt it true that guys treat nice-dressed girls better?

I'm not in fashion or anything..but just a curiosity. How do guys feel about dressing up? Them and girls?

 

You come across as very shallow.

 

You would do much better to find something... intellectual to talk about during a date.

[fishtaco]

I don't see what the big deal is. If you read hotgelato's later post, he was the one driving the conversation into that area, and hotgelato just answered. Although personally I would have avoided comparison to my ex's by giving some vague non-answer. hotgelato is just not very skilled in verbal fencing that's all.

 

But everyone is entitled to like what they like. hotgelato likes men that dress stylish. How is that different from a woman that likes tall guys? In fact, hotgelato's version is better because you can learn to dress stylish, but you can't grow taller.

 

All mainstream mall brands suck (for the prices they're sold at)

 

Yep, it's better to find stylish clothes from lesser known brands from boutique shops. Way better than walking into some giant big name store at a fancy mall. You pay less, plus you're not going to run into some dude wearing the same shirt. I'm not into those big name brands. Just seems... commercially stylish, blindly following the trend whether it fits your looks or not.

[Island Girl]

I don't see what the big deal is. If you read hotgelato's later post, he was the one driving the conversation into that area, and hotgelato just answered.

 

Do you honestly think that is what he wanted to talk about? The only guys I know that would enjoy discussing shopping and fashion are just as materialistic and shallow as she seems to be.

 

It seems to me he was probably trying to talk about what would interest her to keep the conversation going and learn more about her. That is what you do on initial dates.

 

But everyone is entitled to like what they like. hotgelato likes men that dress stylish. How is that different from a woman that likes tall guys? In fact, hotgelato's version is better because you can learn to dress stylish, but you can't grow taller.

 

That's right.

 

I, for instance, am not attracted to short men. Therefor I do not date a short man and then suggest he wear lifts in his shoes to appear taller.

 

hotgelato should date those men who dress as she likes them to dress and not date someone hoping to change them into what she would prefer.

 

Of course those gentlemen who do dress that way and also do not care about dating a shallow materialistic girl may be few and far between.

[fishtaco]

Do you honestly think that is what he wanted to talk about? The only guys I know that would enjoy discussing shopping and fashion are just as materialistic and shallow as she seems to be.

 

It seems to me he was probably trying to talk about what would interest her to keep the conversation going and learn more about her. That is what you do on initial dates.

 

Then mission accomplished. He got a good feel of what she's like, whether he likes it or not. But the fact is, she didn't force the conversation in that direction, he went there. If she insisted on talking about fashion and materialistic things, that's different than if he brought it up and she kept responding

 

That's right.

 

I, for instance, am not attracted to short men. Therefore I do not date a short man and then suggest he wear lifts in his shoes to appear taller.

 

Therefore you're shallow but not materialistic? I think that's a harsh label to put on you, just like it's harsh to say hotgelato is materialistic simply because she likes men with fashionable style, and she responded to a conversation driven by the guy.

 

I walk in on women's conversation about shoes, make-up, hair, nails, all the time, I guess they're all materialistic ho's?

 

Ok, now he knows what she's like. If he wants to dress fashionable to impress her, it's his choice. He doesn't have to. hotgelato isn't going to force him to. Worst case, she won't date him. How's that any different from you not dating a short guy?

 

I call these personal preferences.

[moman]

I don't see this as such a bad conversation.

 

I never wore a watch until a girl mentioned that I would look great with a watch, and you can bet I was buying a real nice watch the next week after spending the previous 10 years decrying wearing a watch. Plus, if he likes you, he might ask your opinion into what looks classy.

 

Of course, I've known girl to put on 10 lbs of blush and think that looks classy, so keep it all in mind.....

[Trialbyfire]

I like a man who can dress himself, to suit his lifestyle and taste. Simplicity, quality and comfort, equate to elegance and confidence.

 

And yes, I've given my opinion to men, when asked. Yes, there have been men who have had certain wardrobe items that made me grit my teeth but yes, I put up with them, albeit tried to replace the items by buying new items of same or similar, which didn't always work.

 

Actually, one fun thing you can do as a couple, if your man has any taste in women's clothing, is let him select what YOU'RE going to wear that evening within the confines of good taste and your wardrobe. It's one way to charge up his drive! Also, you can reciprocate the same, selecting things from his wardrobe, for him to wear.

 

It doesn't have to turn into a seriously intense underlying issue of wanting to change "the man", or some form of silly power struggle. Make it light and fun.

[quankanne]

I love summer because all my BF wears is a pair of boardshorts. But I like him better naked. got any pictures so we can better judge?

 

Somehow I doubt that the mall in Podunk, Utah carries Prada. sometimes, you get lucky, though, and find some really neat stuff at the local Goodwill!

 

... if my date hinted for me to dress up more nicely ... it had better be for a dressy function and he knows what I'm wearing might not be suitable. Otherwise, I'd tell him to go to hell or to give me money to beef up my wardrobe, because that borders on being rude.

 

however, it sounds like the guy you're with is trying to get a handle on what your tastes are, and that's a bit odd to me ... makes him seem insecure, and that's not an attractive quality in ANYone!