o_hopeless_o Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 so i just found out my boyfriend of 2 yrs is dating a new girl not even a week after officially breaking up. more like 3 days. can be read here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t178740/ i am so crushed right now and just wanting to flip him the bird. i found this out from MSYPACE. and he LIED TO ME. he could have been decent enough to be honest if i asked which i did. it hasnt even been a week. nonetheless 5 days! what would you take of this? do you think he is just trying to be in a rebound relationship now? should i go NC for good? i just cant seem to see how i can get him back with him and his new distratcion.
DJMarky Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I am in a similar situation, my ex started seeing another guy while we were pretty much still going out with each other, hence I ended it before it got worse. As soon as I ended it they started becoming an item. Nothing you can do about it. Stick to NC, don't make him feel as if two girls are after him. I abused the **** out of her one night, but it didn't do any good. If you become too needy or abusive he will just have a laugh about it with his new girl and it confirms that he still has some power over you cause you are getting so emotional. He isn't worth your time if he is going to do that to you. Chances are he was interested in her while you were dating if it was that quick for him to move on. It's possible it wasn't a rebound, but he broke up with you because he had found someone else he was more interested in, or he just wasn't ready for long term commitment, I don't know him so can't say. It's going to be hard, but just stick to writing on this forum. Hell, it's made me feel a hell of a lot better. But yes, stick to NC. Do not justify any reason to talk to him. Ignore his calls/messages, he is a nobody to you now. Also, it may get him to realise how much he misses you since he is unable to contact you, but don't use NC to get back with him. It's to heal yourself. It's time to hammer into your head that it is over and try and move on.
Author o_hopeless_o Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 He isn't worth your time if he is going to do that to you. Chances are he was interested in her while you were dating if it was that quick for him to move on. It's possible it wasn't a rebound, but he broke up with you because he had found someone else he was more interested in, or he just wasn't ready for long term commitment, I don't know him so can't say. i def just abused him and im not going to lie even that it was probably a wrong decisions and it shows i am hurt but i dont care because i wont put up a front about how im feeling. i told him good luck with your girlfriend and pretty much told him i will never want to talk to him anymore. its more funny to me because in the beginning of jan he was BEGGING i mean BEGGING for me back since i did the breaking up first but your right he was probably talking to her during that time saying if i dont get her back im switching it up with her. i could give two ****s now if they care or dont or laugh at me because they dont matter to me. they can laugh all they want. i doubt he is laughing though knowing him. yes i wanted him back but now i realize how stupid this is and i am not staying aorund while he plays duck duck goose. i know i can be strong and i dont need this guy to validate my happiness! WHOS WITH ME! i am hurt but its whatever. i finally accepted it was over yesterday so it doesnt hurt as much now.
DJMarky Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Well, at least you have got everything off your chest. Just remember that you have done it. Sometimes I start fuming thinking about the **** my ex tried to pull, and I just want to ring her and tell her how much of a bitch she is, then I remember that I have already cursed the **** out of her and nothing else I say now is going to matter. I don't know how long it will take for me to not care, but I know NC is helping. You don't need this person to be happy. It's going to be hard but you can do it. Good luck.
sad_panda Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Me too, I found out my ex BF is exclusively dating another girl. She is a coworker of his. Three days after we broke up, he decided to spend a lot of his time with her. Four days after we broke up he already started sending her flirty messages. Two weeks after we broke up they were already going on dates. Three weeks after we broke up they already went on an out of town trip together, and I saw the pictures wherein they were all lovey-dovey and sickeningly sweet. It's hard, and I already cried over it. What's even harder is that there's a nagging suspicion in my head that he might have emotionally cheated on me. I find myself wondering when he started liking this girl and falling out of love with me. I also wondered why he didn't tell me about her, even after I asked him if there was someone else that night he broke up with me. Oh well, what else can I do? I already cried over it, buckets and buckets of tears. But does he care, does he new girl care? No. There's really nothing much to do except to move on. I'm still hurting and angry, though, so even if I have a million questions in my head, and even though I'm really angry, I'm still sticking to NC so I can heal. It has been almost 60 days of NC and I'm proud of myself. I'm not using NC as a means to get him back (although I admit that for the first few days that was my intention). As the weeks went by I realize that I've been doing NC for myself and it feels so good. Out of sight, out of mind (hopefully completely soon). I wish I could stop looking at his Facebook, though. I managed to do this only once a week now. But I really want to let go, especially now that I'll only be seeing more pics of him and his new girl from now on.
smile_through_tears Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 sorry to hear that sweety... Something similar happened to me but I found out later that wasnt his girl and he swears to me he is single and not even talking with anybody but im pretty sure he is...I HATEEEE myspace n facebook because they throw everything in your face and sometimes even more exagerated....like when you see pics of people all happy...F THAT SH**...it's different when you "know" someone has a girl but you dont see it....out of sight out of mind....and even not looking still sucks cuz u know its all over these damn pages and everyone wants to show how "happy" they are to the world even if its not true....HATEEE them websites when ur freaking heartbroken, thats y i never check my ex's....we're not friends on those things anyway, he wouldnt even add me on his page....but he'll message me??? sorry i got off topic...i suggest you dont look at his page at all and as hard as it is......take comfort in knowing that there are people out there who are going through what you're going through....lean on your friends, cry, vent, be angry, be weak, be strong......allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling because there is nothing wrong with that...its a shi**y thing to go through....sigh...also if you are religious PRAY!!!!! best wishes for you, hugs!!!
DJMarky Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 You guys have got to delete them from those social networking sites, it isn't healthy because you will always be tempted. I did it as soon as I broke up with her, like in the same hour. Later her new guy asked her to delete every single photo of us together, and is writing sweet nothings on her wall. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am taking this NC to heart. I am acting as if I never had feelings for her at all. I don't want to see pictures of them kissing. That **** will probably set me back more. I know it's happening, but looking at a photo of it, **** i'd prob throw my computer screen out the window lol.
Joker77 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 You guys have got to delete them from those social networking sites, it isn't healthy because you will always be tempted. I did it as soon as I broke up with her, like in the same hour. Later her new guy asked her to delete every single photo of us together, and is writing sweet nothings on her wall. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am taking this NC to heart. I am acting as if I never had feelings for her at all. I don't want to see pictures of them kissing. That **** will probably set me back more. I know it's happening, but looking at a photo of it, **** i'd prob throw my computer screen out the window lol. Well said. The night my ex broke up with me, I deleted my myspace page, her phone numbers and her email addresses and haven't looked back. It's not worth the temptation or the agony.
EmperorR Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 A week after my ex fiancé dumped me she was with someone new, yes it hurts as hell, it's a good reason to go nc as earliest as possible as there is no temptation and you have no idea what their doing.
Ingenue Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I'm sorry about your situation. I too experienced something similar. My ex of 5 years started dating a new woman within a week of breaking up with me over email. Clearly, the groundwork had been laid for him to demonstrate some interest in her and know that she was available. For me, it felt like pure betrayal because my ex had always been honest and had claimed that he was emotionally unable to discuss the break up with me. When I found out 5 months later he had lied to me about his emotional state and that in fact he was asking out this new woman, I was very much in the same place you are. I had a very long cry and then sanity hit me. As DJMarky said, "he isn't worth your time". You do not want a partner who disregards the sanctity of a relationship so little that he can move on so quickly. It doesn't matter if it's a rebound or not. Think of it as a blessing that you are no longer with a partner like that
JooLee Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 do NC. doesnt matter if she is a rebound or not. he did what he did. and now you have to be strong and move on. if he can have fun with someone new, then why shouldnt you be having fun, wether on your own, with your frens or with someone new. he started a new chapter and you have to start your own chapter too. one thing is, you have to accept that feelings do change (and it changes fast when they dont truly love you) and you deserve better.
Meaplus3 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I'm sorry you had to find this out, I can only imagine how much this hurt. I do think you should go NC. Why bother with someone who can do such a hurtful thing just a waste of your time. There are plenty of other men out there so forget about this on and move on. Best of luck. Mea:)
openbook08 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 hi o_hopeless_o sorry you had to find this out...just when you think things cant get any harder.. they do. ive been there too, less than a month after he came back to me tellin me it was the biggest mistake hed ever made, i was the one etc etc (i say etc cos im so over that schit now i dont even want remindin myself but u get the picture...it was all v romantic) within a week he was back to his usual horrible nasty self...i stuck with him for a few more weeks cos i really did love him..we were together 5years..but eventually realised i deserved so much better&told him so, he claimed he was confused, depressed... he was with her 2weeks after this. never told me. started up with the ringin , textin, wantin to hang out bein sweet again... lucky a good friend found out & told me. i immediately went NC. BEST move i ever made. deleted facebook, blocked his emails, changed my no. the time comes when you realise youve gotta put yourself FIRST. otherwise they get to move on be happy still have you lingerin in the backround, just in case, and you?? well, still miserable,heartbroken & hoping..hoping..hoping! come on youve gotta know you deserve way better than that. so make it about YOU now. the worst has happened. no more surprises now. use this time to discover who you are again & realise that youre ok. in fact youre more than ok, youre GREAT!! and trust me with the space that NC will give you will come a lot of clarity , strength & wisdom. fyi : found out few weeks ago he moved in with her before xmas... so thats about 3-4 months together!! wasnt such a sharp shock to the system & i think its because i gave myself distance & perspective by going NC. in fact i laughed & thought "what an a-hole":laugh:. trust me, youll have the last laugh!!
Author o_hopeless_o Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 i feel so ****ty. i had a dream of him and totally whooping this girls ass and us getting back together. itstung me really bad in my heart when i first woke up but then i felt a bit better knowing it was just a dream and snapping back into reality.
Author o_hopeless_o Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 It's hard, and I already cried over it. What's even harder is that there's a nagging suspicion in my head that he might have emotionally cheated on me. I find myself wondering when he started liking this girl and falling out of love with me. I also wondered why he didn't tell me about her, even after I asked him if there was someone else that night he broke up with me. i know how that feels. i think he emotionally cheated IN A WAY even though we were not together. he was begging and begging and im sure during that time he was like if im not with her im going to the next girl. like two days went by and teh fourth they got together i found out andi thought it was the fifth and the 4th of feb is when i asked him. i was up to being friends and honest friends even though its his business but after almost 2 years i didnt think he'd think he'd have to hide that. i was really calm when i asked him and was going to qish him the best but when i found out the myspace way, my lord that changed everything. he is def not teh person i dated and he is very different now. im so mad, mad for trying to get him back, mad for him hurting me so badly, and mad because thsi girl i think really is a rebound. moving on for him isnt bad buti dont think they will last and im always thinking about what happened. im hurting so much that to a point i want to cry but i cant EVEN CRY ANYMORE. for a minute i wish this girl would step back look at what happened between us and then really evaluate their new relationship. and of course he isnt think of me now because he is in the joyful stage of when getting to know the person you like or your rebounding. its quite hurtful and annoying. augh. thanks for being here! i also deleted everything and threw everythig i had of his, shredded every single paper with crap written on it from him and i just got on my other sn to delete him(every picture etc). it hurts so much that he doesnt care. i hate this feeling i wish i was already healed up. i think he is truly covering everything up. i read chocolate boy's article he found about heart aches and pseudo happy realities and i def think thats what he is doing with this girl. i dont think they will last but thats just mean cause i just have that vibe but no one will really know. its just whats always on my mind is how it came to that him just GETTING with another and if he will ever contact me in the future, what would i do. chocolate boy http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t74674/
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