PinkKittyKat Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 clv0116 brought up a good point in another thread. In general I think separate vacations are a bad plan. If I'm in an LTR I never even consider it and I wouldn't like it if my SO did either. My bf and I agree, and my bf and I have had discussions on this topic in the past. Our first conversation started with my bf's father. ANECDOTE TIME!!! His dad is very "old country" and enjoys spending large amounts of time away from his wife, golfing etc. They don't have a lot in common, and they are okay with that. She loves cooking and cleaning and he loves lying in his easy chair watching golf. But hey, they're happy, and it's pretty cute. We were visiting them and my bf mentioned that a band he REALLY loves is playing in Canada, but is on the other side of the country. When his dad offered to buy him a single ticket & plane ticket to go see them, my bf refused politely. His dad shot him a look and said, "Well, why not? Can't be away from her for a few days?" My bf replied, "Well, there's nowhere I'd want to go on vacation alone. I'd want her to come with me so we could enjoy the concert together. SHE likes the band too y'know." I don't think his dad believed that I like the band as they are a metal band and he has odd ideas about "what women like to do". But his dad turned to me and started asking, "Well, what about you, would you go alone if someone got you a ticket?" I replied "No, I'd try to find another ticket, or I'd sell mine. It would be more fun if we both went. I wouldn't have any fun if I knew my bf was sitting at home missing me and wishing he was seeing the band too." His dad continued to mock us and accused us of being "joined at the hip" and said "separate vacations are such a relief", since men "like to do man things" and women "like to do woman things". And said we were being "ridiculous". Considering I like drinking beer, metal shows and off-roading, and my bf likes kittens, metal shows, cars and shopping for clothes, his dad thinks we're nuts, and to a certain extent thinks we're "putting it on". And that we deliberately act abnormally for our sex to make the other person happy. And that we both secretly want to go on separate vacations, but are too scared of the other person's opinion to say so. TL;DR My dad's bf thinks separate vacations are NECESSARY, and not taking them apart is silly! At any rate, we think his dad is harmless, frequently retarded and hilarious, and later on we had a vacation discussion and came to the conclusion that no matter whether it was going to a place the other person had not much interest in, it would be more fun and better for the relationship to go together. Even if one of us picked a 'not as interesting place', the other would go "for the experience" and to become closer. Opinions on separate vacations?
Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I really think it depends on how long you've been dating/together and the specific dynamics of your relationship AND individual lives. My BF travels abroad for work 3-4 times a year, and often makes those trips extended to have a sort of vacation attached at the front or back end of the trip. Even if we were very, very serious (or even married) I cannot imagine tagging along on each of those trips, even the "vacation" part. And seeing as we're in a new relationship, I also cannot imagine taking an extended vacation with him at this point. We're not at that level yet.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 My ex and I differed on this one.....................I thought it was ok to go away with friends, he didn't think so. I went on holidays with friends last february, and next month he went away with a friend. later told me the only reason he went away with his friend was to get back at me, even though i wasn't aware he had a problem with me going away with my friends at the time. we later went on hols together. A month later, i had time off and the opportunity for a last minute holiday with a friend. so i took it. it was dirt cheap, couldn't pass it up. ex and I came to blows over it. He asked me how I'd feel if he kept going away with his guy friends. I said I'd have to trust you, wouldn't I? And I do, so there's no problem. The way I saw it was that I'm young, earning money and no ties (ie. not married/engaged, no kids) and had the time off at that time. we were going out just a year at that stage. But he was also a little controlling in other ways. I know plenty of couples who go away without each other. And there's no problems. eg. one friend's boyf really loves ski-ing, but she hates it, so he goes away ski-ing a lot, she says let him enjoy it, I won't hold him back. I know I had an amazing time on hols with my ex. And I wish we'd had more. We'd planned on travelling together this year. Different strokes for different folks I guess. I just don't think it's that big a deal. sometimes it's more interesting that way. Like not always having the same things in common, I like being with someone who has different interests, so that you learn more and try new things together. I realise one year probably isn't considered long term enough to answer this question! but other couples I refer to are going out way longer than that. depends on each individual situation i guess!
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