MindoverMatter Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 "You can't be here because my ex might be coming over and that would not sit well with him." That's what you said, basically. And that is enough reason for anybody to end a relationship. You are still attached to your ex, you give him priority over your current love interest and you don't even think of putting yourself in his shoes for a second. You might want to start working on yourself. Or you just keep the lies up. You did it for a year and a one time slip didn't do you any good right? Live a life based on dishonesty.
lino Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Or you just keep the lies up. You did it for a year and a one time slip didn't do you any good right? Live a life based on dishonesty. In this case, I think this is the best option.
Walk Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Yes, positive lesson indeed....too much info is not a good thing! As long as you're okay with other people lying by omission to you too...
Author Phoenix11 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Wow, that's even more mature I If it's no big deal that your ex stops by, and you don't spend time with him, then you never would have hid this from you bf in the first place. I don't doubt for a second that you do things with your ex. If you were over him, and your bf was more important, his stuff wouldn't be there, boundaries would be set, and this wouldn't be an issue. I still don't see where I stated I do things with my ex. All I have ever stated was that he may stop by unannounced to pick something up and that I have business dealings with him. I am over him...in fact I despise him. You really don't know me, so you are not in a position to assess my character based on a few posts in an internet forum (reference to your self absorbed statement). Appearantly your life is pretty simple (good for you). The fact of the matter is, I withheld some infomation, I got dumped because of it, I'm not happy about it, and I wish I never brought the topic up to my bf.
MindoverMatter Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 You said that the reason you didn't want your boyfriend over was because he might run into your ex. It doesn't really matter when the ex shows up, the point is he does. You allow your ex to show up unanounced and you won't allow the same thing to your current boyfriend. Even if you do despise the ex, it doesn't make things better. You put an ex before your current boyfriend, and that pretty much means "byebye" in my world. The fact of the matter is, I withheld some infomation, I got dumped because of it, I'm not happy about it, and I wish I never brought the topic up to my bf. You were dumped because you did and continue to do something that is not acceptable in a healthy relationship. You got dumped on the grounds of not respecting your current boyfriend, not prioritizing your current boyfriend, being still involved with your ex, giving him a degree of access to your life that you denie your boyfriend. You got dumped because the way you behaved is not the way a loving person should behave. The fact that you finally slipped is not your problem. All the rest is.
dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I still don't see where I stated I do things with my ex. All I have ever stated was that he may stop by unannounced to pick something up and that I have business dealings with him. I am over him...in fact I despise him. Be honest, do you still do things with your ex? If you don't, then why do you still let him come over? Why is he a priority over your boyfriend? Why do you store his stuff at your house? You don't want to answer these questions, because you know that those answers only prove that you aren't over him. You really don't know me, so you are not in a position to assess my character based on a few posts in an internet forum (reference to your self absorbed statement). Appearantly your life is pretty simple (good for you). Life isn't just simple for anyone. There's always bumps on the road, but because you chose to be dishonest, hide this from you boyfriend, make him second over your ex (who your supposedly over), are unable to put yourself in his shoes and try to see how he feels about this portrays your personality and character pretty well. You laid it all out there. The fact of the matter is, I withheld some infomation, I got dumped because of it, I'm not happy about it, and I wish I never brought the topic up to my bf. Yeah, because lying and hiding is the way to go. Are you dense?? That's what got you into this mess to begin with. You know very well that if you mentioned this early on he would not have stayed with you (most likely). That is why you withheld it. Time to put on your big girl pants and do the right thing.
Author Phoenix11 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Be honest, do you still do things with your ex? If you don't, then why do you still let him come over? Why is he a priority over your boyfriend? Why do you store his stuff at your house? You don't want to answer these questions, because you know that those answers only prove that you aren't over him. Life isn't just simple for anyone. There's always bumps on the road, but because you chose to be dishonest, hide this from you boyfriend, make him second over your ex (who your supposedly over), are unable to put yourself in his shoes and try to see how he feels about this portrays your personality and character pretty well. You laid it all out there. Yeah, because lying and hiding is the way to go. Are you dense?? That's what got you into this mess to begin with. You know very well that if you mentioned this early on he would not have stayed with you (most likely). That is why you withheld it. Time to put on your big girl pants and do the right thing. I wish this forum had an "ignore" button. Why in the world do you keep coming at me with "you are not over your ex". The question should be not "are you dense", but "who is dense"...not me:p
MindoverMatter Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I wish this forum had an "ignore" button. Why in the world do you keep coming at me with "you are not over your ex". The question should be not "are you dense", but "who is dense"...not me:p I want to say hello to all the undense people who know how to use the very well working ignore function on this forum. :bunny:
Author Phoenix11 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I want to say hello to all the undense people who know how to use the very well working ignore function on this forum. :bunny: Please tell me how to use the ignore function, because if I read one more time "you are not over your ex" I'll scream.
dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Please tell me how to use the ignore function, because if I read one more time "you are not over your ex" I'll scream. You came here for advice, you didn't like the advice. Just leave.
dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I want to say hello to all the undense people who know how to use the very well working ignore function on this forum. :bunny: Just saying hi back
Author Phoenix11 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 You came here for advice, you didn't like the advice. Just leave. Advice yes, implied name calling no.
dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Advice yes, implied name calling no. Then answer the questions. Why is the ex a bigger priority then the boyfriend? Why does your ex still have stuff at your house? Why not be upfront from the beginning?
Author Phoenix11 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Then answer the questions. Why is the ex a bigger priority then the boyfriend? Why does your ex still have stuff at your house? Why not be upfront from the beginning? Ex is not a bigger priority. To be perfectly honest with you, I really didn't have high expectations in the beginning that my relationship with my bf would go anywhere, so I didn't feel the need to put my entire life story on the table. We broke up a couple of time during the year and got back together. Last September we gave it another go, after not speaking to each other for 2 months. Still I thought here we go again, but things were different. He began to open up, he shared his financial info without me asking, made adjustments in his schedule to spend more time with me. We began to speak about moving in together, engagment, marriage...the whole nine yards. So I thought now I should pull out all the skeletons in my closet if we were to contine on this path. Ugh...you know the rest of the story.
dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Ex is not a bigger priority. Then he should have been told not to just drop by. His stuff should have been given back. Cut ties. But you did not do this. You told boyfriend that he couldn't come over, because you were afraid your ex would. If ex wasn't more important, boyfriend would have came over. To be perfectly honest with you, I really didn't have high expectations in the beginning that my relationship with my bf would go anywhere, so I didn't feel the need to put my entire life story on the table. We broke up a couple of time during the year and got back together. Then why stay with him? Last September we gave it another go, after not speaking to each other for 2 months. Still I thought here we go again, but things were different. He began to open up, he shared his financial info without me asking, made adjustments in his schedule to spend more time with me. We began to speak about moving in together, engagment, marriage...the whole nine yards. But you still did not open up and admit what was going on with the ex. So he put forth effort, but you still did not make him a priority. So I thought now I should pull out all the skeletons in my closet if we were to contine on this path. Ugh...you know the rest of the story. You where too late.
Author Phoenix11 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Then he should have been told not to just drop by. His stuff should have been given back. Cut ties. But you did not do this. You told boyfriend that he couldn't come over, because you were afraid your ex would. If ex wasn't more important, boyfriend would have came over. Then why stay with him? But you still did not open up and admit what was going on with the ex. So he put forth effort, but you still did not make him a priority. You where too late. On this point I agree.
dreamergrl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 On this point I agree. What I don't understand, is if you are over the ex, why the boyfriend had to be worked around him. Hence the "you can't come over because my ex might stop by. Why didn't you cut off ties with the ex? Also you don't find it wrong that you hid all this, continued on with the ex in the way you did, and not cutting off the ties?
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I never said my ex would be at my house at 1am. This all started because my bf called me at 1am, buzzed and wanted to come over. Needless to say, if he came over at 1am I would have expected him to stay over atleast until the next evening. With that in mind, I became worried that my ex may show up during that time unannounced, so hence my confession. Should have just rolled the dice, and let them sort it out I guess But, that's the problem. Your ex should not be making unannounced visits. Your ex should have the restrictions. Not your current. That is why your current is now your ex (presumably).
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