Sweet326 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Here's my story: My husband asked for a divorce two weeks before a trip to Belize we were taking with our daughter, who's 8, and some friends. Two days before our trip he said he was not going with us. We went without him and the LAST thing on my mind was meeting a man. My uncle (who spends several weeks a year down there) introduced me to his friend. There was an instant connection, I kept finding myself hoping to run into him again and, come to find out, he spend a whole evening looking for me! When we saw each other again he asked to take me out, I went and we had the best time. We kept in touch when I returned through phone calls and texts and just days after I returned home he was asking me to please come back that he needed to see me again. I went back after Christmas (I filed for divorce by this time) and stayed a week and it was magical. He is the most open, honest, caring and thoughtful person I've ever met. We would literally spend hours talking and the chemistry was out of this world. He told me he loved me and I felt the same. We text several times a day, talk on the phone several nights a week and email. He tells me daily how much he misses me. We are meeting in Cancun at the end of Feb. then he is coming here (Texas) because he has family here and wants them to meet me. Then he has invited me & my daughter to spend the summer. Everything is perfect, I have no complaints so why do I find myself being so insecure? I've never been this way in a relationship and certainly don't let on to him that I'm feeling this way. It's days like today when I haven't heard from him all day that I go from being on cloud nine to feeling terrible. I'm not a terribly emotional person, but find myself crying for no reason. What is going on? Does anyone else go through this? I knew this would be hard, but really had no idea. Sorry this was so long!
Island Girl Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Everything is perfect, I have no complaints so why do I find myself being so insecure? I've never been this way in a relationship and certainly don't let on to him that I'm feeling this way. It's days like today when I haven't heard from him all day that I go from being on cloud nine to feeling terrible. I'm not a terribly emotional person, but find myself crying for no reason. What is going on? Does anyone else go through this? I knew this would be hard, but really had no idea. Sorry this was so long! Perfectly normal in any LDR (more emotional, more insecure, etc.) but you have the added fear from your husband so abruptly leaving the marriage. Your relationship happened quite quickly. Did you work out those feelings about your ex separately?
KikiW Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I agree with Island Girl, and I am in a somewhat similar situation as you. I have an 8 year old daughter, and my husband and I are divorcing (amicably, decision was mutual). I have an LDR in Alabama, and I am in NJ. I also was never a terribly emotional person. Going through a divorce is painful no matter what. Unless there are absolutely no feelings toward the spouse, it is a difficult experience. Throw a child whose wellbeing you are concerned for into the mix and you are ripe to have spontaneous crying jags, spurts of anger, periods of mourning for the loss of what you thought would be. Now you have found a wonderful person whom you can't be with all the time. You call, text, email - whatever you have to do - but it's just not the same as being with them in person, and you're dying to get back to that ecstasy. I don't know if you are experiencing it, but I also get the impression that some of my friends and family have doubts about my relationship because it is so soon after ending my marriage. Despite taking things as slow as possible, these doubters still have an effect on me, which adds more emotions to deal with. One thing that has helped is my LDR. From the beginning we both put in on the table that we must have complete honestly. The absolute truth. Sometimes it leads to a miscommunication that needs to be worked out, but in the end it keeps us on the same page. I assume your guy knows your situation - would it be so awful if you told him sometimes you felt insecure? It's only natural for you to feel that way, and he should be able to recognize and support you through it. Perhaps you can even come up with something to help relieve it, like messaging him "Hi I am feeling blue and insecure today, can you tell me something nice?" Good luck!
Author Sweet326 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Thank you both so much for the reply! Island Girl: I have read your posts and really admire your strength and advice. My husband & I were married for almost 13 years & dated 3 years before that. I can honestly say the marriage was never great, but during my pregnancy it really went downhill. I should have left then, but wanted to make it work for my daughter's sake. We have been to so many counselors and by the end of it I was absolutely miserable. We were basically living as roommates and leading separate lives so the divorce was no big shock. Although it is still stressful and I so hurt for my daughter (She met my SO the same day as me and loved him, but does not know that we talk or see each other). Kiki - I read your other thread and we do have such similar situation! My family was a little hesitant at first just because they were wondering who this guy was and what was I thinking by getting an LDR started. They all accept it now & are happy for me because I was miserable for so long. He also told me to tell my mom he would call her if she wanted so he could reassure her & explain his "intentions for her daughter". I really like what you said about just telling him of my insecurity and I might use that message you came up with! Thank you both so much. It's nice to know what I feel is normal and I'm not alone. Good luck to both of you!
Island Girl Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Island Girl: I have read your posts and really admire your strength and advice. Aw thanks girlfriend! Would've written more but I was trying to do my letter for Immigration. As it is - it is in the last stages of being proof read to revise but I can't read it anymore until I sleep because it all looks the same right now. lol -- sorry I am a bit rummy. My husband & I were married for almost 13 years & dated 3 years before that. I can honestly say the marriage was never great, but during my pregnancy it really went downhill. I should have left then, but wanted to make it work for my daughter's sake. We have been to so many counselors and by the end of it I was absolutely miserable. We were basically living as roommates and leading separate lives so the divorce was no big shock. Although it is still stressful and I so hurt for my daughter (She met my SO the same day as me and loved him, but does not know that we talk or see each other). Well I am glad that's over! And, don't worry, studies have shown that it is better for a child to grow up in a split home than a truly unhappy one. Somehow the thinking of "keep the marriage together for the kid's sake" still prevails. I can't understand why. Well he is coming to visit right? So she'll get to see him again and they can figure out their own relationship. It will be fine as long as you remember - you're talking to him and getting more and more familiar (YAY) but she isn't. So when you are around each other and her just be conscious of that until you are ready to let the cat out of the bag. I really like what you said about just telling him of my insecurity and I might use that message you came up with! Honesty honesty honesty. You both have to get on the same page about being open books to each other. So many stupid little things can happen that are just misunderstandings on the other side of the miles. But if you have that open book agreement you can ask all the questions that will help get to the bottom of it. You also have to be willing to be vulnerable at times. Because sometimes you have to spell out what you need and that part can get tough. It still is for me sometimes and we've been doing this forever it seems like. Thank you both so much. It's nice to know what I feel is normal and I'm not alone. Good luck to both of you! You are so welcome. It does help a lot doesn't it! Just remember if you start having one of those freak out days, they never go away and you never get used to the distance, the LS crew is always here to help.
Author Sweet326 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Island girl, I'm so excited that you are making steps to be reunited! How much longer? I hope you are together soon. I took your advice and let him know how vulnerable I was feeling and he said he was worried about me and wished he was holding me and that he loves me. I told him some days are just worse than others when I want to see him so bad but can't and that I guess that's normal. He wrote back and said, "Yes, it's called love". He's a terrific guy. Just 18 more days until I see him. Hang in there island girl, your are in the final stretch!!
Island Girl Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Island girl, I'm so excited that you are making steps to be reunited! How much longer? I hope you are together soon. His interview should be in the next 4 weeks sometime. I hope so too he has been incredibly touchy at times lately because of circumstances, not talking very often, etc. It just sucks and we are both REALLY tired of the distance. I took your advice and let him know how vulnerable I was feeling and he said he was worried about me and wished he was holding me and that he loves me. I told him some days are just worse than others when I want to see him so bad but can't and that I guess that's normal. He wrote back and said, "Yes, it's called love". He's a terrific guy. Just 18 more days until I see him. Oh good! 18 days! If you included today - it's 17 now! Hang in there island girl, your are in the final stretch!! Thanks. It has just been so long! Ugh. I just want to SEE him already and I just want all of this crap to be over.
KikiW Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Sweet326 - Sounds like you have quite a catch there and he says a lot of the same things my LDR does. Very understanding and compassionate, and you are so lucky to see him in such a short time! Keep up the communication and have a GREAT TIME when you see him
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