blondesmiler Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Am getting more and more frustrated with dating. I am geniune and looking for something geniune, passionate but not wanting too live in someones pocket. But yes I have needs, sexual needs and need for bodily contact with someone and a love to share. I do online dating but even the ones who say they are decent and geniune still dick me around with going on one or two dates then because they cannot get in my knickers, thats it (ok I generalise but its getting on my nerves). I always thought I was pretty clued up but perhaps not? Are there signs I should be aware of? Things to look out for? If some guy says I am geniune and decent does that mean he is lying more often than not?
zhsoj Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 How do you determine if your friends are good? You really shouldn't be asking how you spot a nice guy. Rather you should be asking how you spot a good person.
AlektraClementine Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I found my current guy through mutual friends and acquaintances. I don't like the idea of dating a friend, but this guy was far enough removed from me. I learned about him through people I knew and trusted and he came on VERY high recommendation. To this day, I've never heard a cross word spoken about him. I figured, if he earned the good opinion of so many people I had good opinions of, that I should go for it. Ask around your circle... that might be a good place to start. It kind of eliminates the period of "character assessment" we go through with a complete stranger.
fishtaco Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 You can't. The only way you can know if a person is a good person (stay away from the term "nice guy", it has a lot of different meanings), is by associating with the person for a long time. There are no short cuts. The problem with wanting to date a good person is, unless he came with high recommendation from people you trust (like Alektra), which doesn't happen very often, usually you'll end up friends first. Then you learn he's a good person though the friendship. But it becomes a complicated decision if you want to risk the friendship. The formula for dating is this: chemistry... and nothing else The formula for a good relationship is this: chemistry, good person, compatibility I've been with good women that I'm not compatible with. Those relationships had to end anyway. So you just have to date a bunch of crap before you can find a good one. Men have to put up with the same thing too. Go though a bunch of psycho women before you find a decent one.
carhill Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 You'll know you've found one when you're dying and he's there holding your hand and looking into your eyes with love and understanding and no fear Before that, all is ambiguity....
Chicago_Guy Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Am getting more and more frustrated with dating. I am geniune and looking for something geniune, passionate but not wanting too live in someones pocket. But yes I have needs, sexual needs and need for bodily contact with someone and a love to share. I do online dating but even the ones who say they are decent and geniune still dick me around with going on one or two dates then because they cannot get in my knickers, thats it (ok I generalise but its getting on my nerves). I always thought I was pretty clued up but perhaps not? Are there signs I should be aware of? Things to look out for? If some guy says I am geniune and decent does that mean he is lying more often than not? I agree that online dating sucks. (It really does suck for guys also!) It is much better to meet someone in person. You never really know whether the people you meet on online websites are honest. I used eHarmony for a few months and got the impression that the women I met had serious issues. I only met a few people, but it was a complete waste of time for me.
socialight Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 if you see a cute guy in the grocery store, ask him for help picking something out. See what happens. In the gym, ask to share a machine with a guy you find cute, and try to strike up a conversation. Find out his social events so you can bump into him at one of them. Sit next to a guy alone at church. Ask friends if they have good single male friends. Stay off the internet.
wuggle Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Ask them if they have any pets , IMO most pet owners are nice (see avatar !)
wuggle Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Stay off the internet. agreed , it's full of wierdos
bean1 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 To find a nice/genuine guy is actually not too hard, if you are willing to go by a few simple rules. If his words are backed up by his actions, then he is good. If he does not back up his words with actions, then he is not good. Often, women believe what a man tells them ("I care about you") but when his actions show otherwise, they try to rationalize it or look the other way thinking the words mean more. They don't. You will have to kiss a few frogs before you find him, but stick to your guns and allow his actions to speak to his character. A good man says he will call: he does. He doesn't send some lame text about how he was abducted by aliens last week. He says he will spend the day with you: he does. He tells you that you are the only one: he introduces you to family and friends!
Treasa Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I met my boyfriend through a sort of mutual friend. I was actually dating someone else at the time, but that relationship was almost over anyway. I got to be friends with my boyfriend, got to really know him, found out what others thought about him, and then started to really fall for him. He's a total sweetheart. Actually, now that I think about it, all of my male friends are really nice, decent guys. Start taking a traditional martial art where things like compassion and sincerity are values. You'll find very nice guys there.
bean1 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 OP you won't know unless you get to meet them, either. It sounds like you want to spot a skeev before you even go on the first date. Can't be done. You have to get to know them first. Then again, if they've got Gotti-style fake tan and their eyebrows are styled, then .. I hate to stereotype but LOL:sick:
Taramere Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I think it's useful to see how a guy behaves in a variety of situations, and whether his behaviour changes drastically depending on the company he's keeping. Naturally people adapt their behaviour to fit in with different groups, but if he's noticeably chameleon like (eg demonstrating a lot of fickleness in important values according to the company he's in) then that suggests a bit of a weak personality. Nice and easy to be around, but a people pleaser who won't necessarily be in your corner when you need him to be.
JohnnyBlaze Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 As others have said, once you get to see him in action (not like that), then you can tell. But there isn't any way to tell right up front. It's not because we don't give off any signals. It's because the 'bad' guys can fake the same signals us good ones come by naturally. Just remember: the good guys don't always wear white, and the bad guys don't always wear black!
popey Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I'm with Bean1. Look to see if his actions match his words.
Author blondesmiler Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 I have been on dates with some that I thought were genuine, especially last guy I went on two dates with who has now fallen off the face of the earth even though I have tried too contact him (only twice I anit no stalker women ) any how he said in his mails he was genuine & decent, seemed to be with his contact aswell as it was consistant, uncrude and pleasant, asked me out again but then nothing so I did text him. I think you might be right though stay off the t'internet. Load of, (whats that word Christian Bale used quite fequently recently) oh yeah f**king bull
Poncho Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I think you might be right though stay off the t'internet. Load of, (whats that word Christian Bale used quite fequently recently) oh yeah f**king bull I have been having the same trouble on the internet with women. I send out lots of messages but the only ones that ever seem to go anywhere are crazy, psycho women. It's really turning me away from the whole online dating thing.
CandyGirlXO Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 You'll know you've found one when you're dying and he's there holding your hand and looking into your eyes with love and understanding and no fear Before that, all is ambiguity.... LOL!
clv0116 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 If some guy says I am geniune and decent does that mean he is lying more often than not? Well *I* am genuine and decent. Setting that aside for the moment I do prefer the term 'good man' to 'nice guy' since nice guy has become a sort of PC term for doormat. First you have to evaluate yourself honestly; where do you rate on the dating foodchain? After you do that set reasonable expectations.
Tony T Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 You'll know you've found one when you're dying and he's there holding your hand and looking into your eyes with love and understanding and no fear Before that, all is ambiguity.... That's a long fricken time to wait, man! Come on, cut me some slack here!
Touche Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 A couple of "biggies" for me when I was dating: 1. How do they talk about/treat family? 2. How do they talk about their exes? Of course those two things alone won't tell you all you need to know but it's a great place to start. It tells you a lot.
BCCA Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 It's a crapshoot. You never know until you get to know them and find out. Some people have mastered the art of BS, and can figure out what makes you tick. Others claim to be good people, but then dont see anything wrong with screwing over everyone they come into contact with. Sadly, we live in very selfish times, and most people look out for #1 only. As much as you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince, you'll also find a lot of princes that just arent the one for you. It really is the law of averages, and plain luck. If it makes you feel any better, I will tell you I wonder the same thing about women.
BCCA Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I have been having the same trouble on the internet with women. I send out lots of messages but the only ones that ever seem to go anywhere are crazy, psycho women. It's really turning me away from the whole online dating thing. I went through months of the same. Either they were total game players, immature, or just flat out lied in everyway on their profile. It went from not getting any response at all to women telling me we should just get married on our first date, and at no time was it somewhere in the middle. I think online dating is even more frustrating, but at least you have a way to contact a lot of people at once. I also know women who sign up for those sites when theyre pissed at their bf, and really have no intention of meeting anyone. Just another way to get some easy attention without even leaving the house. I'm done with online dating. I think it works for some, but just not me. eharmony was by far the worst of the 3 I tried, too.
clv0116 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Well a lot of 30-something women who haven't really taken care of themselves seem to expect every 30-something successful career man should just find them fascinating. They need to understand that what (most) men value in a mate is vastly different than what women value. Men look and women differently than women look at men. If you're a woman past 29 and still looking you have to realize you are competing for men with a bunch of women in their early to mid 20s. Good luck. Go with God.
stepka Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 If you're a woman past 29 and still looking you have to realize you are competing for men with a bunch of women in their early to mid 20s. Good luck. Go with God.:sick: I think you're right--I'm 49, and the only replies i got on a dating site were from a man in England who couldn't possibly have looked like his picture and an 81 yo with no pic or profile. Youch. Okay, it's only been a few days, but they say the activity is most brisk at first. Oh well, I didn't up much hope in it anyway.
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