AllanYork Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Everyone has a story, so here is mine.. Its a long story, so please bear with me. I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but to fully embrace the way I feel then I must describe the relationship with my first love. How it all started: Jan 08. one week before my first deployment to Iraq, some friends and I went downtown to drink and party before leaving. Well, across the dance floor I noticed a cute woman and gained the courage to speak to her. I sparked a conversation, we danced, and completely hit it off. I found out that she was 5 years older and a higher rank than me, (one I am prohibited from having a relationship with..) and that we were deploying to the same place in Iraq. I felt there was something special about her and eagerly awaited my trip to the desert.. Iraq: Amongst everything else associated with being in a war zone, my plan was to simply get to know her and see where things went. She showed interest right away by sending emails, and arranging secretive meetings to talk and hang out. Not 1 month after we had been there, she told me we can no longer hang out because of her leadership becoming to suspicious. That is totally understandable considering the circumstances and consequences involved. Well coincidence or not she idmediately began "hanging out" with an army spec ops dude who I will refer to as "Rambo". They ended up having sex several times and fell into a serious relationship. I couldn't say anything but I was hurt because I had feelings for her. Well they couldn't keep their relationship quiet for long because she received an article 15 (military punishment) for a general order 1 violation. That resulted in her departure from Iraq being delayed for 1 month. During that time I was the ONLY person to keep in contact with her daily through email saying everything would be OK and allow her to vent about the stress she was feeling. I knew my place was nothing more than friend status at the time but that would all change.. The Relationship: She returned from Iraq one month later than I, and contacted me right when she arrived home. (I knew it long before but as fate would have it, we happened to be living in the same apartment complex) After a week of hanging out as just friends I made my move and kissed her at the pool. She ended up cheating on "Rambo"with me. That started the beginning of "us"; she broke up with "Rambo". Our relationship was like something in the movies and I had never been happier. The problem was I received orders to a new duty station in Germany, I had to report here by the end of November. She began using terms of endearment quickly and even after 2 months was telling me how much she loved me and can't be without me. We really had such a strong chemistry that the thought of leaving was unbearable. We broke up the day I left, and the official reason was because her Mormon religion was so important to her and it wouldn't work between us. Oct 22 I departed the US for Germany to begin my new life alone.. The Heartbreak: Getting started in this foreign country was hard enough but try adding the loss of someone you truly loved and cared about. It has been miserable! We stopped talking at the beginning of December because constantly reminiscing on the life I had in the states has been consuming me. Christmas day I found out that she already has a new boyfriend (Who is not Mormon) and it is one of my old co workers. I looked at her myspace for the first time in a month and saw she had posted a bunch of pics of them kissing and on dates. It absolutely devastated me! I think about her often, and am tormented by vivid and long dreams with her. It has affected me so much that I've seen a counselor twice. I think the reason it is so hard on me is because I haven't established myself yet and don't have a large network of friends like I do back home. When she was depressed and going through the worst time of her life I was there for her, but when I needed her the most she discarded me like a piece of trash. She emailed me saying that her and this new guy are together and I can't make this go away. I deleted her, but she kept me on her myspace because she claimed that she hoped we could be friends. WTF?? The Signs: 1. She cheated on "Rambo" with me, that should have been a huge red flag. 2. She changed her religion while we were together from Catholic to Mormon (which conveniently "Rambo" happens to be) 3. She was always shady with her text messages talking to a bunch of her "just friends" ex boyfriends. (I found out that she had sex with one of them days after I left.) 4. I know this is immature but I had become suspicious by this point. I looked at an email correspondence between her and "Rambo" where she told him how much she loved/wanted a chance with him, how she will remain abstinent until marriage(which was BS) and much more. (The reason I stayed was because I thought I would just leave her when I came to Germany, but that was not the case.) 5. I had been told by people close to her to be careful because of her past trends with boyfriends. (For some dumb reason I thought I was the exception.) 6. I WAS PLAYED!! My Questions: I have been so depressed and feel like a lost soul trying to find happiness and my purpose for being on this earth. I have lost interests in my hobbies and work is now dull. 1. Why would she do that to me? 2. Of all the people she would want to hurt why me? She knows that I've been alone trying to establish myself over here. I can't just turn off my feelings for her. She has made it very clear that she's already moved on by deliberately posting those pics, I feel that she was really trying to hurt me. 3. So why can't I "just move on"? I know it was my first love and the signs were there that it wasn't going to work, but I just can't seem to get over it. 4. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Its been so hard to stay positive because I lost myself in this woman. I want to be happy and love again, but I can't even picture myself with someone else. 4. Does anyone have any advice? I am a normal good looking guy, buy I feel like I'm going insane! I left out a lot and I know it was still long. I just need to get this off of my chest! Thank you.
xero Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Since it was your first love you have to wrap your head around the idea that not every relationship is gonna work out and not every person will treat you fairly. I know the feeling about feeling out of the ordinary, I was there myself. One day you'll start smiling again and start living for yourself instead of people who don't really care about anyone and can't treat anyone with respect. My advice: meet new people, go to new places, get out of your rut, and over time you'll start to see beauty in other people and see your ex for what she really was. and as a side note...my ex cheated on her bf of 2 years with me 2 weeks before dumping him. Then, after telling me she couldn't handle a relationship with anyone starting dating someone else shortly therefore. Wonderfully retarded huh? Yes, next time you will see the SIGNS!
Truly Lost Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 You will get over it, but it will take time. Acceptance of the situation is the key. This girl wasn't for you. Her running around from guy to guy isn't the type of girl you really want is it? It sounds like this woman was testing the waters and never really had you in her heart to begin with. You don't want to waste time on someone like that do you? Try meeting new people. Going on dating websites. The best cure for getting over an old love is finding a new one. There are medications you could try like anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills if you are overly consumed with this situation, which looks like you are. There are other people out there you just gotta find them. Everthing for you right now can only get better, you'll see, and when things do, you will wonder to yourself why you ever allowing her to hurt you so bad. Good luck. Remember you are the only person who can make this situation better for you. Try to stop thinking about her by occupying yourself with other activities. Its a beginning.
dudemag Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 70% of all females are shameless heartless bitches. just have to weed them out!
Truly Lost Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 70% of all females are shameless heartless bitches. just have to weed them out! Nice. You have no idea what your talking about. Your just hurt and don't know how to deal with it. Really.....like you are the only one, Yeah Right!! It's not gender specific. Its just feelings, everyone who is broken hearted experiences it. GROW UP!!!
MotherGooze Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 1. Why would she do that to me? Probably she wanted some more affection from you 2. Of all the people she would want to hurt why me? She knows that I've been alone trying to establish myself over here. I can't just turn off my feelings for her. She has made it very clear that she's already moved on by deliberately posting those pics, I feel that she was really trying to hurt me. Maybe she did it deliberatly and then you know what kind of a person she is. A person who is not worth your love or even your friendship 3. So why can't I "just move on"? I know it was my first love and the signs were there that it wasn't going to work, but I just can't seem to get over it.Because for you there were feelings involved, it'll take some time to heal. 4. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Its been so hard to stay positive because I lost myself in this woman. I want to be happy and love again, but I can't even picture myself with someone else.That'll change don't worry, she was your first love. try and go out and meet with friends. Are there things you wanted to do, before all of this happened, do it now. Find hobbies, something to release your stress or to get your mind of things. You are lost in this woman, but you haven't lost yourself. I wish you all the strength in this hard time, but fight on. 4. Does anyone have any advice? I am a normal good looking guy, buy I feel like I'm going insane! I know the feeling believe me. It'll get better as time moves on, but time alone won't heal, you have to act. Never ever contact her again. If she contacts you ignore her. You deserve a nice girl who treats you right, but for now, heal. One day you'll realise she's not worthed the pain an dthen you can move on.
alwayssme Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 if i can give u some advice it would be that really there isnt any "advice" u can give anybody to take the hurt away. and sometimes i believe its good to go through the hurt. i dont believe u can love someone and be careless once they're out of your life, it doesnt make any sense. its a process that you go through, no matter what the story is..the pain of heartbreak is heavy on everyone.it does pass however and trust me when i say you grow and learn so much from it.
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