placebo-effect Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 This is a quite complicated situation, so I the story is quite long... Let me first say that I am quite a shy guy in initiating a relationship (especially first few phases). Even though I am quite sociable, have lots of boy and girls friends, I had very few relationships before, and I think none of them can be considered as serious. It was about 1.5 years ago. Our university's ski club organised a 4 day tour to a ski resort. And there you go, I saw this girl. She was so cute... We are from the same department, but she was a freshmen and I was a junior by that time. Anyways, I had lots of joint friends with her (some of them very close), so I talked with them, and they said me that she is currently not engaged with anyone, and looking for a new relationship. They decided to arrange some sort of meeting which they can introduce me and her to eachother. Then I would be playing my own game to ask her out. But one day I learned that one of my friends directly told her that I like her, and I want to go out with her, this and that (actually, he exaggerated the situation in some way)... I freaked out, of course, because since she knows that I like her as a fact, and I won't be the playmaker anymore. I heard that she was asking things to my friends about me... I've changed my mind, haven't made any other moves to -even- meet her. About a month later, I learned that she started to go out with a new guy. Months passed, and I met this guy (the guy that she went out), in one of our club meetings in university. He was an interesting guy, funny, smart etc. We became some sort of close friends in time. I learned that they broke up because she was very conservative in sexual matters (mainly because of her family). But they were -very- close friends still, hanging out together very often, even though they break up. Since both of us (she and me) were hanging with this guy frequently, we met each other finally. We were able to chat, get to know each other etc. Then the problem that I am talking about arose slowly and slowly. I started to feel some very complicated things to her. I don't know if that is love, but I started to get obsessed about her. I found myself prioritizing most of my tasks according to her. I wanted to see her more, be with her more. I was constantly thinking about her, seeing dreams about her... I was blind, not seeing anyother girls, turning down opportunities to meet others. The most important aspect of the problem was when we were hanging out together, her former boyfriend, and my new friend was always there. I was quite sure that she was still attracted to this guy, and if he wants, she will never turn him down. The guy's character is quite complicated, so I can't guess if he is still attracted to her or not. But I am sure that he also knows that she still wants to go out with himself, and he likes the idea that she will be always there for him, and she is granted. I was desperate to initiate a relationship with her, but I was unable to, since I was afraid of two things 1- she will turn me down 2- this will disturb her former boyfriend, and my new friend, and I will be in a uncomfortable situation in my new group of friends (actually I have 2-3 different group of people that I hang with, which don't have any strong ties with eachother). Of course, I played some little games, to understand if she wants me or not, but they failed, and I don't know what she thinks about the idea of going out with me, still... Again, months passed, and I took a 2months journey to europe, without seeing her, talking to her, etc. I was hoping to forget her, to get rid of her... But when I came back, I saw that I am unable to... Everything was still the same... So... In short, I am strongly obsessed with this girl still, we are friends, but not close. I want to have her, I want to be with her, but I don't know if she is feeling anything towards me. She is still attracted to his former boyfriend, but I don't know if he is considering to go out with her anymore. I am close with his former boyfriend, but unable to talk about him or his/her friends about this issue. I tried lots of things to stop thinking about her, but I was unable to... Please help me... What shall I do???
2SidestoStories Posted September 29, 2003 Posted September 29, 2003 It sounds like a really REALLY unhealthy fixation you have with this girl! Your best bet would be to absolutely sever all ties with her. Completely. Even if it means that when your friend brings her up in conversation you change the subject and look the ass for apparently avoiding her (Which is what you should do!) Playing games to find out stuff about her is not a proper way of going about anything, by the way. I would say that you had your chance but blew it based on some strange ego-driven notions about how you couldn't be the 'playmaker' since she knew you liked her. Seriously get yourself away from her, for her sake if not yours, since this sounds like it is going down a pretty destructive path.
wantedandhopeless Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Hey!! I'm only in highschool and have a similar problem... the only real advice i can give to you is KEEP HER AS A FRIEND!!! Don't ask for anything more... if she likes you (and im only guessing) she will try to show this affection of hers... if she doesnt, she doesn't but from what i've read she seems to still want you as a friend and it would be a shame if you destroyed your friendship.... think of it this way.. you can either have her as friend and possibley have her as a lover in the future... or lose her as a friend and a lover forever.
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