chacha7 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 So after about 5 months I have started to finally move on. After all of the begging and pleading, I realize he is never going to take me back no matter how much I love him and no matter what I am willing to do to make things better. So finally I stop emailing him, and what happens, my friend out of nowhere emails him to tell him off (I think she probably had a lot of pent up guilt or anger because she tried to get me to date another guy and tell my ex, and although I didn't date the other guy, I told my ex I would to make him jealous so he realized what he was losing, and then I ended up telling him the truth because I felt so bad, and probably because she was sick of me constantly emailing him when she said I shouldn't), which was not in any way my idea. So he basically sends her a nasty email back, which I can understand, but what I don't understand is in it states that his breakup with me "was never personal". What does that mean? Because he made it feel very personal to me...in fact he didn't cite himself as one reason for the breakup and basically blamed everything on me, so to me it was nothing but very heartbreakingly personal. So of course now all I can think about is what does that mean. I emailed him to ask, apologizing about my friends actions, but no answer. I wish he would just answer so I can know and get back to moving on. I know no one of LS really knows what he means, this was more of a vent, thanks for listening!
DJMarky Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I am in no way an expert, just giving you my opinion. You have got to start NC NOW. Does it matter anymore what he meant? It is just a saying, 'I really hate your shoes, nothing personal.' Well sure, the person may take it personally, but by adding that in you have safeguarded yourself from a severe reaction. Also, if you have tried your hardest and he won't take you back, then that's all you need to know. The rest is history. If you do want him back, the best way is to leave him alone with no expectations of getting back with him. Live your life, and just try and move on. Become an independent person who can enjoy their life without needing another person. You are giving him the impression he has all the control still, he won't come running back if you are still contacting him constantly. He will probably consider it an annoyance. Conclusion: Do not contact him whatsoever, no matter how much you justify contacting him, it is not worth it. Sadly, it is all history. You can't make his mind up for him.
Author chacha7 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 I get what you are saying, and I do think that NC is definently the route to go now, but instead of it being "I really hate your shoes, nothing personal", it's more like "I really hate you, nothing personal". It doesn't make any sense. I don't know, I'm just so confused, but whatever...you are right, I just have to stop caring altogether. Although it may not seem like it, I am actually feeling like I am finally on the path to moving on and have pretty much given up the idea that we will ever be back together, and this was just a temporary glitch. Thanks for your insight!
Author chacha7 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 Fellow LSers, be proud! I have sent another email saying "Don't reply to my last email, it doesn't matter anyway" and "No more emails from me, I'm gone from your life forever!". And this time, I really mean it. I am finally moving on. I am starting not to care anymore! I'm still kind of scared about the future, mainly because I'm so shy around guys and people in general, but I have HOPE that things will turn out ok for me without him. I think that is the key to getting over someone...stop having hope that you'll get back together and starting having hope that you can do better without them.
gd26 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 The more you continue to contact him, the more pain and indignity you feel. How much hurt are you willing to bear? The sad thing is that you aren't showing yourself any respect or kindness by degrading yourself contacting a man who doesn't want to be with you. Start NC now. It will definitely hurt for some time... you'll have to take things day by day. Do not contact him again under ANY circumstances.
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