Zakuro Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I have a little problem, and i would love other people's objective opinion I'll try to keep it short, though there is much detail involved! There is this guy (it all starts like that doesnt it d: haha) He started going to my martial arts class, and i've been interested in him since the first time i saw him, then i got to know him and got even more interested. Problem was, i thought, "nah, he probably doesnt like me" and just tried paying no attention to this "infatuation". We talked very little, and he seemed so uninterested in me i just naturally assumed he disliked me, especially because he would talk to everyone else but me. I was like, you know what? i dont care anymore. Then, oh goodness, i went out with this other guy and he accompanied me to the martial arts school, and he kissed me goodbye, and the guy i like saw! So the day goes by, i sign in to msn at night and my friend starts asking me how i could kiss him in front of the guy i liked! and i was like, so? he doesnt like me back so what does it matter. Turns out, he does! My friend tells me he saw his face when he saw me kiss this other guy, and that he got very serious from there on. Also, that he gave him a ride home, and they spoke in the car, and he confessed he has a crush on me! Theeeeen, the guy i like signs in! So they open a 4-way conversation with myself, the guy i like, and our two friends. Then my friend says we should play a game of guess who likes who! So long story short, the guy tells me he likes me, and i say likewise. My friend is like oh so wow you two like eachother! and then.. the guy is just like ok well, i gotta go, and says bye and signs out! says nothing about it! I expected him to maybe say something the next day, but he didnt, he as more talkative with me though, and smiled at me a lot. So a few days pass by and neither of us has brought it up! And i decide to call him and ask if he wanted to do anything. He says he cant because he's babysitting (which he actually was, but i found it interesting that he didnt suggest another day for it) so ok, another few days pass by and i worked up the courage to send him a message asking if it was serious that he liked me, because i liked him, and i would like to get to know him better atleast. His reply, that it was a joke and he didnt like me, well he did but as a friend, that i'm a cute girl and deserve better, and that he doesnt feel like he can be in a relationship right now. So i just replied what i thought, that i didnt know what to say. He asked if i was mad, i said i wasnt. So i just pretend it never happened, my friend gets pissed cuz he swears the guy told him he liked me and wanted to date me. Then the guy starts sending mixed messages, he talks to me more, he gets more close and even in training waaaay too close. So i ask wtf, and he's like, we're friends right? and just pretty much repeats what he said the first time, except says this time it was a missunderstanding and that my friend missunderstood what he meant as "like as a friend", i met up with my other friend and he gets called by the guy i liked, asking if i was ok :\ My friend to this day swears on his favorite car that it was not even close to a joke and he sincerely said he had a crush on me. This time i try to act but fail because of stress. We had a presentation coming up, then i get paired with him and more mixed messages!! He keeps grabbing my waist, and a few times i almost fell he kept grabbing me from the waist and pulling me towards him.. So i starts being a bit bitchy towards him, later i apologize and he says he's the one that should be sorry, that he thought i was gonna stop talking to him, and that he was glad i messaged him. Theeeeen, we go to the movies, he, myself, and a bunch of mutual friends. We get a ride home, its like 11pm and im really tired, i start yawning a lot and he asks if im sleepy, and then suggests i sleep, im like yeah and im using you as a pillow (jokingly) and hes like no really and he pulls me toward him so i rest my head in his shoulder and his arm is around me. I didnt say anything, i pretended to sleep! haha and the whole ride he was quiet, and he kept pulling me more toward him whenever he got the excuse. So.. wtf!! And after that, im not even specifying, just a bunch of mixed signals. So what do you think is going on? I cant even tell anymore, im far from being objective by now. And worst thing is, i think i'm falling for him, i havent felt this way about a guy in a loooooooooooooong time. So what should i do? what should i expect? what do you think are his intentions? Any advice or comment is welcome!!! Ant thank you so much it really helps me talking about it
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Bottom line? You seem to be able to be a lot more up-front than he is, so tell him: "Here's the deal. I like you a lot. I think you like me a lot. So if you want to go out with me, and we can be BF & GF say so now, because to be honest, it feels like you're jerking me around, and I don't know what you want, because you're sending me garbled messages and signals and I don't get it. So how about we cut the cr*p and you tell me what you want? Either way, it's cool. But fer chrissakes, be a little decisive!" OK?
Sari Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 He sounds just like the guy I posted about yesterday. I'm taking it as - the bottom line, he has told you he likes you as a friend only. You can only act on the information you have been given. Therefore you are just friends. I really wish a man would reply to this post so we can get guy-view on it (for all the good that is worth sometimes!). Why do men do these things? Tell you they are not interested, then give you all kinds of mixed signals (I'm sure women do it to, but as someone who doesn't I find it hard to fathom!). If I don't like someone who I know likes me, I steer clear of them and don't encourage them at all, no messaging, no touching, no 'glances'. I have two theories: 1) He knows you like him and likes you a bit but not enough to pursue you properly, and so he is happy to keep you hanging around to flirt with. Therefore he is a d*ck and you don't want him anyway (eventaully this will be true, once you get over him!) 2) He does like you but has all kinds of emotional issues and what-not and either doesn't want to pursue anything with you because he has all these issues and doesn't like you enough to work through them for you, or is too scared/comfortable with his life to bother sorting himself out. It is up to you whether you can be bothered with all this kind of thing or not, I am attempting to give up the guy I like as a bad job but unfortunately I have to see him at work and it reignites my crush - argh!! I would play it cool and not mention anything further to him, remain friendly but act busy and unbothered by his weirdness - if nothing else you will come out of it looking dignified and he already knows you like him, why labour the point and come off looking desperate?! (As I did!). Good luck hon!
Beachead Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Hmm..ok so I've read your story and I hear ya Zakuro. Here's the deal. You aren't psychic which means you can't really analyze why this guy is giving you so many mixed signals. There are endless possibilities and theories. All you can do is look at what you know. This is what you know, he's jerking you around and you're getting affected by it. You are attracted to him yes.. but your recently increased attraction for him is caused by his on and off methods..guaranteed. One minute, he admits that he's had a little crush on you and when you two bring it out into the open he's good to go...then he takes it back. Then after stating that you two should be friends..he's flirting with you trying to act like a boyfriend. Do not let him do this to you. The next time you speak with him, put things out onto the table and get an answer as to where you two are or you'll stop doing all of this. Got it? If you mention how he's always acting so flirty and such and he tries to downplay this as you two just being friends..forget about him. He only enjoys the attention you give him..he's in it for an ego boost. Which will explain why he got jealous and spilt his feelings to you when that other guy kissed you. This is not the type of guy you want. If he admits that he is feeling you again...and he takes it back again...forget him. It's going to make you go insane and crazy. If he admits that he is feeling you..and his actions back this up..you are good to go. Get your answers Zakuro and don't put up with this anymore. That's the bottom line. Good luck.
zhsoj Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 His reply, that it was a joke and he didnt like me, well he did but as a friend, that i'm a cute girl and deserve better, and that he doesnt feel like he can be in a relationship right now. This to me says it all. By saying you "deserve better" he is prematurely rejecting you in order to protect himself. It he shy? Does it seem like he has low self-esteem? Either way he is young and I'd say he likely is interested in you. Probably a great deal. He just isn't really willing to put himself on the line for possible rejection. If the above assumptions are somewhat accurate, it's really up to you to decide if you want to pursue this. I'm 25 and I know I had such self-deprecating thoughts at that age. And frankly I still do. The difference is that now I have enough experience to look back on enough of them to know how irrational they are. There are lots of people that have these anxieties and they come in all different types and levels of severity. No way to know what they all are nor how soon he can overcome them. So, short answer: yes he probably likes you quite a bit. The real question: Are you willing to put yourself on the line before he does to try to make something work?
Author Zakuro Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 Thanks for your replies!! Sari! i had read your post and thought wow its quite similar, but then again you know how the little details make it different. Thanks! good luck to you too Zhsoj, wow, i thought the same thing as well. And it does make sense because i remember little things he mentioned while in casual conversation that reflected him not feeling so good about himself... but i dont understand why that would affect things if he already knows i like him :\ I guess things might actually be hard for him right now.. he's still in highschool, and he has a lot of family responsibilities (his family is very traditional) besides the fact that he's in martial arts, which is the only time i see him, and they barely let him go to that.. and you know how when youre in highschool everything seems so much harder hahaha, and he's not really happy because he would be in college already if he wasnt put back a year or two when a kid because he hadnt learned spanish well (in mexico).. Anyways.. little has happened since my post. It was my birthday and i thought he had forgotten, because i had told him a week before that we were all going out to eat that day and he said he was going, and when we all met he was there but didnt go.. then on the next day turns out he went looking for me at the school but i had just left so he left a gift for me, a really big teddy bear, and my friend asked him why he hadnt gone, and he said that because he didnt have a gift and didnt know what to give me and he actually had to ask his dad for advice lol. It seems he's been keeping his distance from me though, just saying hi and being the least close as he can. Strange! So, the other day after class when we were leaving i hugged him, loong hug, and then sent him a message saying sorry if i made him uncomfortable but i just wanted to hug him, and he replied that its ok its just a normal greeting. It kinda frustrated me, so that later after i had gone out and had a couple of drinks i sent him a message saying that it wasnt just a hug for me, that i like feeling him close and i hoped i could hug him more often, that i couldnt stop thinking about him and in a way was waiting for something to happen and asked if there was any point to it, and that he didnt have to answer if he didnt want to. Today i couldnt believe i did that, and now i dont even want to go to class tomorrow cuz i know he's gonna be there TT_TT i feel so dumb! and of course he didnt answer. Maybe I'm over analyzing everything.. it just sucks, i havent felt like this for someone in such a long time, i really hope it isnt like beachead said, because of the on and off thing D: Anyways, what should i do!? i feel so embarrased about that message, and i dont know if i should just go to class and act as if nothing happened or just not go at all DX or be upfront about it and ask him, or i dunno.. im such a kid haha but im so not used to this!
Recommended Posts