Kal Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Hi guys, thought i'd ask for some advice on this forum as i'm having a problem that i don't feel comfortable talking about with people face to face. I've recently started going out with a girl i've fancied for ages. Problem is when it comes to sex i'm getting really anxious about it and things just aren't working if you get me. I don't know why i'm like this i'm 24 and spent six years with someone previously where we had a great sex life. But this is only my second sexual partner due to me being with the last girl for six years. I just don't understand it, it's like i can't let go and enjoy it because i'm worried about something. I could understand me being stressed the first time we tried to have sex but this has gone on for almost four weeks now and it's driving me mad. My girlfriend is nice and i really like her, but I can tell it's annoying her. Everything else in our relationship is fine. When I try to speak to her about it she just says "I don't know what u want me to say" as though she's confused by the situation too. Every time I get hard when I'm close to her I lose my erection as soon as we get down to it. I know this would all go away if I stopped thinking about it but I don't seem to be able to, as subconsiously it's bugging me deep down that "this is going to be another failure". And no matter how hard I try, just shutting off the thoughts in my head is proving impossible. I'm starting to worry we're never going to manage to have sex properly as it's like one big viscious circle. I'm worried if I don't perform soon I'll lose her. Any advice on how I can solve this problem? PS - sorry for the long post.
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Well, you at least recognise you're self sabotaging, and one of the problems is that she appears to be unsympathetic..... Maybe you should invest in some psychosexual counselling. If you can't find the root-cause of your problem, then it will just spiral. And yes, you will lose her, because she's just as confused as you are, and unbale to be supportive. Precious few people will be able to offer any diagnosis here, and obviously that's not what this is about. We could offer advice, but really, the whole issue begins and balloons in your head. That's where you have to start. In your head. And nobody here can do that for you. Good Luck.
Author Kal Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 Cheers for the reply. I see what you're saying and agree with it. At first I knew I was nervous because I had only been with one person prior to her, whereas she's had numerous sexual partners and I was anxious as to whether or not i'd match up I guess and perform adequately. However, after not managing to have sex with her that time my anxiety went on to worrying about whether i'd be able to achieve it the next time. Basically, I'm worrying about not being able to perform again, and ironically the worrying is stopping me performing or enjoying any type of sexual contact with her. It's like a vicious circle. It's strange, although she wont talk to me about it. She still phones me constantly and seems to want to spend all her time with me. She acts like there isn't a problem when we're not in bed, altrhough when I try to talk to her about it she doesn't have anything to say. I guess she genuinely doesn't know what to say. I guess I'll just have to se what happens.
Jenny123 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I think you should communicate with this girl. My ex was unexperienced and younger than me. I found it a really attractive trait that, he hasn't slept around the country and was trying things with me for the first time. With time , we ended up having fantastic sex. I think this is more comon than you think, erection loss, ejaculating very early. If I was a guy, I would have a drink to lessen the nerves, Viagra even you can buy. Guys rate on their performance more, where a girl normally enjoys the whole intimacy-kissing, hugging etc. Good luck:)
prettybaby Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 How long is your foreplay? Maybe you should just enjoy the foreplay for as long as you can. Have a drink or two, and don't worry about what happens next. I think you're basically being too self-conscious. You say you've liked this girl for ages, so it sounds like your feelings for her are very strong and you're worried to disappoint her; which is understandable.
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 The only advice I can give you is to become aroused, get horny, frisky - whatever - but absolutely put the very idea of penetrating her completely out of your mind. Let that be the final objective, if it should happen at all. Start making love to her with the aim of NOT penetrating her. Forget that. This is not happening.... Just enjoy touching, exploring, and being up close 'n' personal with her, and just pleasuring and just being pleasured. use everything you have to hand that will turn you both on, like massage, a shower, feathers (that's 'kinky'... 'weird' is the whole chicken.... ) velvet, silk, honey, double cream, whatever you want.... but you're not doing this to actually have intercourse. Then if you do, it's an amazing bonus......
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 do not copulate untill married,, problems solved Yeah, that's helpful.
MissDee Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 My ex and I struggled with this problem for a while. Basically once its on your mind, you can never get it out of your mind. The best thing to do is to just not think about it. I know that seems impossible but... that's what you ultimately have to do it. Because the more you think about it, the more likely you are to lose it. So when you engage in any activity, don't be like "oh crap! I'm gonna lose it!" just enjoy the moment and focus on something else... like how good she looks nude or something.
ruggy Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Yea, I would say get loaded first. No pot; as this will make your dick flaccid. Just bear or some Whisky. Maybe some Capt. Jack. It'll hit the spot.
winsmith-84 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 It's a mental block. I've had this problem and it comes on and off. Just don't think about getting an erection and start thinking about her body more.
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