BCCA Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Chris, you just have to understand that life is a trade off. You can want certain things from a relationship, but you have to be realistic, and you have to be willing to give. Being a doormat is not a trait anyone finds attractive. It basically means you have no self esteem, not character, no self worth. I really want to help, so lets start here. What is it youre looking for in a woman, and what kind of things do you have to offer? What are some traits about you that you feel could be hard to sell (do you just refuse to have sex, is there a reason, etc). I know that you and others would like to pass laws against certain people being allowed to date. Comments like this ^ are unneccesary. Its a message board, people here are actually quite helpful. Ive thrown myself to their mercy before, and it stings initially, but this is a good place for help - if you want it.
Author chris250 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 Chris, you just have to understand that life is a trade off. You can want certain things from a relationship, but you have to be realistic, and you have to be willing to give. Being a doormat is not a trait anyone finds attractive. It basically means you have no self esteem, not character, no self worth. I really want to help, so lets start here. What is it youre looking for in a woman, and what kind of things do you have to offer? What are some traits about you that you feel could be hard to sell (do you just refuse to have sex, is there a reason, etc). I know that you and others would like to pass laws against certain people being allowed to date. Comments like this ^ are unneccesary. Its a message board, people here are actually quite helpful. Ive thrown myself to their mercy before, and it stings initially, but this is a good place for help - if you want it. I've already said before what I'm looking for in a woman. I don't set the bar very high. I'm not asking for much. I just want the woman to have high interest level in me. To accept me as I am. I don't care about her personality. I don't care if she treats me like garbage. As a matter of fact I don't want anything to do with those women who are into gift giving or who have giving hearts. My standards for women are very low. I refuse to have sex because I don't want kids. I don't think I have any business having sex until I'm ready to have a child. I was taught abstinence in sex education in high school and I think they taught me very well. I have just as much of a right to lower my standards as they have to raise their standards. I don't want her to give up so easily on the relationship when we have problems. I didn't come here to hear about how unworthy I am to be in a relationship. I'm not any less worthy than anyone else. By the way being a doormat is an attractive trait when you work with customer service. Remember the expression "the customer is always right." It doesn't matter how much you think the customer is wrong. Customer service is top priority and we must treat them as if they are always right. Standing up to them and they'll have your job! The same holds true in the dating department. I believe in treating women like customers. The woman is always right! Stand up to her and she can create a lot of trouble for you! It is important in both the business world and romance world. If you are not prepared to sign away your rights then don't get into a relationship!
dreamergrl Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Dating someone isn't customer service. Woman don't want a man they can walk all over, and if they think they do, eventually they will grow tired of it. Do you not understand how completely unhealthy it is to let yourself get walked all over?? We may not have control over who you are, but you should be able to see by the over whelming responses about how completely unattractive a doormat is, that you're going to have a hard time finding someone who will want you being like that. Also, you claim not to want to be taken advantage of, but that's exactly what a doormat is. A person who bends over, and takes it however he/she is told.
Author chris250 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 Dating someone isn't customer service. Woman don't want a man they can walk all over, and if they think they do, eventually they will grow tired of it. Do you not understand how completely unhealthy it is to let yourself get walked all over?? We may not have control over who you are, but you should be able to see by the over whelming responses about how completely unattractive a doormat is, that you're going to have a hard time finding someone who will want you being like that. Also, you claim not to want to be taken advantage of, but that's exactly what a doormat is. A person who bends over, and takes it however he/she is told. Obviously you didn't read my entire post. I draw the line at where I'll be taken advantage of and that's when it comes to money. I don't mind if she takes advantage of me emotionally such as using me as a crutch to get over an ex or if she's going through a difficult time. But no I won't let her get her hands on my wallet. As long as my finances remain intact I don't care what kind of emotional needs she's using me for. Yes dating someone is customer service. You are advertising a product that you want to sell. That product is myself. She's the customer. I'm the seller. To say that a woman will get tired of walking over a guy is like saying an abusive man will eventually get tired of beating his wife if she continues to let him do it. If that is the case then why encourage abuse victims to get out of the marriage? Why not just tell abuse victims that if they don't stand up to their husbands then he'll just get tired of beating you and want a divorce?
dreamergrl Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Well you have said before you have no problem spending money weekend after weekend having one date per women per life time. A woman will pick up on this, and if she wants a doormat she'll be using you to take her out.
Author chris250 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 Well you have said before you have no problem spending money weekend after weekend having one date per women per life time. A woman will pick up on this, and if she wants a doormat she'll be using you to take her out. I was talking in the context of not letting her take advantage of me as far as giving her an open door to get pregnant and collect money from me for 20 + years. That I won't allow to happen. I wasn't talking about paying for her dinner. I can afford dinner dates. I cannot afford 20 year child support payments and other fees. Yes dating is a business/customer service. A business mentality is necessary in dating. Most things in life involve a business mentality/relationship. That's why I wear a suit & tie on the 1st date. It's my job interview. She's the customer and therefore it's in her hands to hire me. I would think that women would be more concerned about me standing up for them when someone else attacks them. It's more important for a man to stand up for his girlfriend than standing up TO his girlfriend. Just like I stand up for my customers in the workplace when another co-worker is acting unprofessional I will stand up for my girlfriend when someone talks bad about her. I will always take the customer's side/girlfriend's side over everybody else. If my friends come to me with complaints about her I don't want to hear them. So yes there is a time to take a stand in the workplace but it's standing up to others who are hurting customer service.
Disillusioned Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 People... Ever been inside a convalescent home? That's where a woman can end up in later years if she sets her bar a little too high, and guess what, those nurses don't care how important you were when times were better. While I do agree Chris250 is griping and whining, I also believe he's not wholly wrong... there are plenty of articles all over the web, written by successful women who can't even get a man to give them the time of day, simply because they've set their bar too high. There are, after all, only so many well-off guys to go around, but maybe some of us are happy with what we've got. We men have our own messes to clean up, but unfortunately many women who've tasted success want only more success. Where does it stop? It looks to me like the Battle of the Sexes is turning into Mutually Assured Destruction.
wierdmunky Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Why would you want a woman to treat you like crap? emotionally unavailable as a specific challenge? Because if your looking for a challenge, set your own bars up higher and see who will like you for you, no matter what. Everyone one knows they're not perfect, pass up the ones who are not for you, and keep the ones who you think are potential. You can't make generalizations about all women raising their standards. You haven't met all of them, and you sure don't sound like a woman expert, or someone who sounds like they understand all types of women. In fact it obviously sounds like you have a lot of questions about them. What kind of a woman would a woman be if she didn't have standards at all? And have someone walk all over her? There are a whole lot of labels for those kind of men that do that. If you think that you shouldn't change who are, then change your outlook. You can't be the same and expect different. So you want to drop your standards because you think your not good enough for those women that have "high" standards but know you are not a loser. You sure you don't want to stay in the middle? There are a lot of girls that fall into that category. What kind of woman do you really want? Also, those emotionally unavailable women aren't going to give jerks attention. They'll want to receive that gentlemen attention. Part of being emotionally unavailable is not giving you the time of day unless you prove that your completely trustworthy.
blondesmiler Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 I'd like to apologize for the female gender because we expect to be prioritized in a man's life. This also means we'll prioritize him in our lives. Now I understand what a challenge this can be for men but we can't help our self-entitlement... Cracking. I also think women having standards is better than being a sl@g who will sleep with anyone, a desperate women who will stay with someone who takes drungs or beats her just because, or just a desperate women who will get with any guy just for the sake of being with someone. And then these women get down trodden don't make as much effort on themselves look bad and men then moan that she has let herself go!! Oh and one other thing, as you get older you get more clued up about men, you learn from mistakes so we just won't take the ***** alot of men dish out (and you know you do) and would rather find someone else thats decent and more suited too them.
Author chris250 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 I may be griping and venting but it's better that I do it on a forum than in the off-line world. Afterall one's behavior is the off-line world is what really counts because people here do not know me personally. If I cannot feel free to grip and vent here where people don't know me then I can't do it anywhere else. Releasing all this negative energy on a message board helps me to be more productive in my off-line life. I hold it in all day outside only to release it here.
carhill Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Venting is what real life friendships are for. Raise your standards. We're not your emotional tampon
Author chris250 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 Venting is what real life friendships are for. Raise your standards. We're not your emotional tampon You are not forced to respond to my threads. It's your choice. You act like you have no freedom here about what you'll read or not read. You get to select what you will read or not read on here. I am able to keep friendships because I do not go and vent to them. If you want to lose friends then grip and complain to them. LS is not a social networking site for making friends. Seeing as that's not the purpose of the site I have nothing to lose by venting to a group of strangers. It's better to vent to strangers when you have problems in a relationship instead of confronting your girlfriend about it.
gwynieatpain Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Reading through all posts and excluding all the facts of feminist movements or social factors, I come to question ... Well I also have my own place, good looks, fancy looking car, having a steady career & steady finances ... I don't need people to open doors for me and I just need to call the guys to fix things around the house. Why would I need a doormat whom I have lost all my respect to him? Why wouldn't I just fall for some guys whom I'm emotionally connected with and whom I can truly appreciate without judging his good/bad traits on papers? Women are simple sometimes.
dreamergrl Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 You are not forced to respond to my threads. It's your choice. You act like you have no freedom here about what you'll read or not read. You get to select what you will read or not read on here. I am able to keep friendships because I do not go and vent to them. If you want to lose friends then grip and complain to them. LS is not a social networking site for making friends. Seeing as that's not the purpose of the site I have nothing to lose by venting to a group of strangers. It's better to vent to strangers when you have problems in a relationship instead of confronting your girlfriend about it. If you truly feel this way, you should stop posting here. I value the advice I get, and it's great to have place to get great advice. Not bringing up issues in a relationship is damaging and unhealthy. Should you enter into one, you'll find that out, the hard way.
Author chris250 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 If you truly feel this way, you should stop posting here. I value the advice I get, and it's great to have place to get great advice. Not bringing up issues in a relationship is damaging and unhealthy. Should you enter into one, you'll find that out, the hard way. You don't get to tell me whether I can or cannot post here. Stop acting like you own the site. You don't make the rules. If you've got a problem with what I post then I suggest you start your own website and make your own rules and you don't have to worry about me registering an account there. I can post anywhere I feel like it. If you find my posts offensive you don't have to read them. I can choose at anytime to stop reading your posts. As a matter of fact I may stop reading them now. You'll be wasting your time to reply to my threads because I'm not going to read your posts. Stop acting like you don't have the freedom to decide what you will or will not read on here. Stop holding me responsible for what you read. I didn't make you open my threads. I didn't come here to make friends. If I did I wouldn't be posting half the stuff that I do. I don't value much of the advice I get here especially if it is coming from you! Unlike you I learn to think for myself. I don't just blindly take the word of faceless strangers. If more people did that then maybe there wouldn't be a need for this forum to exist. Unlike you I don't care to seek the approval of others before I make a decision about my love life because I'm not dating them! A good advice giver will encourage others not to take their word for it & to think for themselves!
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Venting is what real life friendships are for. Raise your standards. We're not your emotional tampon emotional tampon?
Author chris250 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 Nobody can use you as an emotional tampoon unless you allow them to. If posters think I'm using them as a tampoon then the solution is simple and self evident. Just don't read my threads! These kind of internet forums are a big joke. If you can't think for yourself and need the approval of faceless strangers on an internet forum before making decisions about your love life then maybe you shouldn't be dating until you can think for yourself first.
carhill Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 emotional tampon? LOL, I had to pay a licensing fee for that; you know, standards and all .... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2038041&postcount=86
Chicago_Guy Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 It also gets boring sooner or later for me if I find a woman who is unconditionally available to me. I need an emotionally unavailable woman because at least she's a challenge. It's boring to have a woman respect me all the time. To be real honest any kind of healthy relationship sounds boring. A relationship with no drama is boring. I don't think it gets boring for abusive women to treat their men like garbage. If she has an abusive personality she'll never get tired of treating him like garbage. She'll probably kill me before she'll dump me. It's better to be murdered by a woman than to be dumped by one because at least I'll get to heaven faster. Nobody can threaten me with heaven. Getting killed by your girlfriend is better than getting dumped. Getting dumped is better than paying her alimony fees for eternity. I don't plan to have sex so I don't have to worry about that. It's the same with abusive men. Why do you think other women advise abused women to get out of an abusive relationship? Because the abusive man's habits will just get worse. He'll never get bored of abusing her. He doesn't think "well she never stands up to me so I'm growing a bit bored abusing her. Now I'll dump her." I think you are either a troll or need to see a psychiatrist! I don't know any other men who want a woman who doesn't respect them. Women like that will take advantage of you and probably also cheat on you. Why would you want a woman to treat you like crap?
blondesmiler Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Chris ~ you should try putting a question mark in your titles, so of too ask opinions rather than sounding like your telling everyone that what you think is how it is, period. That probably is what gets peoples backs up. Just a thought.
clv0116 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 LOL, I had to pay a licensing fee for that; you know, standards and all .... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2038041&postcount=86 Don't think I'm not watching you buster.
Recommended Posts