Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 By the way I didn't get rejected again. I know when not to get involved before a rejection starts. I don't even have high standards for what I'm looking for in a woman. If anything I'm looking to lower my standards even further so that I have a wider range of options. Someone made a good point earlier by saying that the standards I set for the relationship should be no higher than what I'm willing to bring to the table. Well good. My standards are actually much lower than what I'm willing to bring to the table. So I should be safe. For example I'm willing to be faithful and monogamous but I don't expect her to be. I would be ok with her seeing other men. If she just wants to use me for emotional support when she's lonely fine. I don't care. It's better that I'm used as an emotional crutch instead of a financial one. That's where I draw the line. I may let her use me as an emotional crutch but I won't let her use me to pay her alimony for the next 20 years while another guy raises our kid. I try to keep myself in good physical shape by exercising and eating healthy but I don't mind dating overweight women. The only requirement I have is that she pays attention to me. That's all. I don't have any other deal-breakers. I purposely set my standards on the low side so that in the event I backslide and get lazy about my weight she can't complain about my obesity without being hypocritical about it. The lower I further my standards the more I can afford to be lazy and let myself go when I'm in the relationship. I don't plan on letting myself go anytime soon but if I ever felt the need to take a vacation from looking good for my girlfriend then I could afford to do it.
PinkKittyKat Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 So what if a man is willing to commit to you in marriage and is eager to jump on the opportunity to be sexually intimate if he doesn't exercise manners and class while going out on the dates and if he doesn't keep his car neatly cleaned? From what you are telling me you just want a guy to have high interest level in you regardless of what other qualities he's lacking. I don't think it's enough to want to commit to a girl. Women all have DIFFERENT standards. And the list you give seems to imply that once you check off all of the above, that a woman should just date you even though the relationship will never go anywhere for her. I'm just not looking for these so-called "required qualities" you assume all girls demand. I don't view having a messy car, or even not having a car at all as "lacking a quality". I'm not lowering my standards... because I honestly don't give a hooha. I never did. And manners and class is definitely a plus, but holding open doors isn't required, and as long as he doesn't eat with his hands and says excuse me after he burps I don't care. If he seems funny, charming, and relaxed then I don't care if he's making 20k a year and doesn't even know HOW to drive. You seem to consider these "lacking qualities", and that I should somehow be demanding things I don't even care about from guys. I think you're assuming all women are pickier than most are. I look for yes, high interest level. That's the first one to even get the date! But overall, I look for sincere, interesting conversationalist, creative, animal lovers with a love for whatever it is they do in life. If that means he has a fancy clean car, never farts in my presence, and makes 400k, then great. But that doesn't make him any MORE likely to end up with me than a guy with no car, who is a slob and makes 40k. Simply put, they aren't even ON my list.
dreamergrl Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 By the way I didn't get rejected again. I know when not to get involved before a rejection starts. It was one date, how the h3ll would you know? I don't even have high standards for what I'm looking for in a woman. If anything I'm looking to lower my standards even further so that I have a wider range of options. Then you don't have high standards for yourself, and that speaks so much more about the real person you are. Someone made a good point earlier by saying that the standards I set for the relationship should be no higher than what I'm willing to bring to the table. And if your not willing to bring crap to the table, you're going to receive the same in return. In which will bring you a horrible relationship. Well good. My standards are actually much lower than what I'm willing to bring to the table. So I should be safe. For example I'm willing to be faithful and monogamous but I don't expect her to be. I would be ok with her seeing other men. Ehhh, the fact that you are willing to be faithful to a woman who is getting with other guys is just weird. You want a woman to tell you it's not okay to talk to other women, but she can go date other men? :rolleyes: If she just wants to use me for emotional support when she's lonely fine. I don't care. It's better that I'm used as an emotional crutch instead of a financial one. That's where I draw the line. I may let her use me as an emotional crutch but I won't let her use me to pay her alimony for the next 20 years while another guy raises our kid. But you don't want sex. You don't get girls knocked up, so this is a bad example. No one should be anyone's crutch for anything. Sure it's great to be there for one another, but both should be able to stand on their own in all aspects. At least a majority of the time. I try to keep myself in good physical shape by exercising and eating healthy but I don't mind dating overweight women. The only requirement I have is that she pays attention to me. That's all. I don't have any other deal-breakers. Trust me, when she starts seeing other men, you wont be getting attention. I purposely set my standards on the low side so that in the event I backslide and get lazy about my weight she can't complain about my obesity without being hypocritical about it. The lower I further my standards the more I can afford to be lazy and let myself go when I'm in the relationship. I don't plan on letting myself go anytime soon but if I ever felt the need to take a vacation from looking good for my girlfriend then I could afford to do it. This attitude is quite disgusting. No woman in their right mind would respect you at all.
Surfer Dude Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I think you're right, but you know what? I think that's ok. What i need in a life partner is exactly pragmatic commitment to making it work. My last relationship was with an incredibly compassionate girl, but what good is compassion if it is accompanied with emotional instability an entitlement attitude (in this case - me taking major responsibility for *her* emotional needs). So at least for me the importance of more or less compassion is debatable, unless we are talking about total robots, which most women, even asian ones, aren't (although one of my friends dates one such robot). No, seriously, the lack of empathy in their culture is everywhere. From workplaces, to school etc. So many kids there commit suicide because they are bullied in schools to the extreme. And many women there completely lack ability to take responsibility for their lives, it's a recent trend (of the last 10 years or so) that they are unwilling to find a job, they stay living with their parents. I've met tons of women in the age range 25-30 who act like complete children, talk about Mickey Mouse and Hello Kitty and act like they're 15. Nowhere is perfect. So don't believe those fools who say that women are perfect in one place or another. Every place has it's share of problems.
xrhannyx Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 when in reality besides looks these women have very little to offer. i think tht is possible the nicest thing i have ever heard! i dont know about this whole post because i havent read all of it but i agree and i am a girl!! Woman want a man who is everything they r supposed to b in the movies...reality check a guy can onli ever b lyk tht wen it is a movie!!! it takes both sides of the system...the girl and the guy to make all the "good men and woman" come ack to this world!!! hehe! xxx
movingonandon Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 No, seriously, the lack of empathy in their culture is everywhere. From workplaces, to school etc. So many kids there commit suicide because they are bullied in schools to the extreme. And many women there completely lack ability to take responsibility for their lives, it's a recent trend (of the last 10 years or so) that they are unwilling to find a job, they stay living with their parents. I've met tons of women in the age range 25-30 who act like complete children, talk about Mickey Mouse and Hello Kitty and act like they're 15. Nowhere is perfect. So don't believe those fools who say that women are perfect in one place or another. Every place has it's share of problems. Yup, not saying that they're perfect. In fact, I'm evaluating the implications of many of the above with my current girlfriend - a little childish, has not lived independentl etc. But seems sane and 'sufficiently' compasionate *so far*. But even if there are no relationship advantages after all, if all else fails, asian chicks just age ten times better the skin, the hair etc. are unbelievable . (Perhaps that's one of the reason for the childishness:laugh:? Many of them look 25-30 even when they're 40 or 50 )
sid3 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Well they age well because they do not go tanning like many women from other cultures. Seriously, how often do you see asian chicks at the beach, yeah, never. I dated a woman who worshipped the sun, and father time is collecting on her in full now. Sad, at 45 she looks 65. Anyhow, OP. Women aren't raising their standards, society is to blame. IMO the standards one sets for themselves is perhaps one of the most attractive qualities you can present to the opposite sex. I see your point about lowering yours to enlarge your dating selection, which it will. But you have to beware of the low quality women your inviting into your life. I'm glad someone is willing to date overweight girls, hopefully that means one less will be eyeing me when I'm out.
Surfer Dude Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Yup, not saying that they're perfect. In fact, I'm evaluating the implications of many of the above with my current girlfriend - a little childish, has not lived independentl etc. But seems sane and 'sufficiently' compasionate *so far*. But even if there are no relationship advantages after all, if all else fails, asian chicks just age ten times better the skin, the hair etc. are unbelievable . (Perhaps that's one of the reason for the childishness:laugh:? Many of them look 25-30 even when they're 40 or 50 ) Empathy is extremely important. Women who lack empathy are usually emotionally challenged and disconnected in one way or another and that could prove disastrous for their motherhood (assuming you're in for something long term). My ex constantly bitched against homeless people and poor people - that's a serious red flag. I suppose those women are good for F-ing, but nothing more. I'm not into eugenics, but someday when I will want a child, I will do some BRUTAL screening in order to ensure my offspring is high quality and gets the best he/she can get. In that respect I have high standards too. Women do have high standards, I suppose they are not used to men who have them as well.
Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 It was one date, how the h3ll would you know? Then you don't have high standards for yourself, and that speaks so much more about the real person you are. And if your not willing to bring crap to the table, you're going to receive the same in return. In which will bring you a horrible relationship. Ehhh, the fact that you are willing to be faithful to a woman who is getting with other guys is just weird. You want a woman to tell you it's not okay to talk to other women, but she can go date other men? :rolleyes: But you don't want sex. You don't get girls knocked up, so this is a bad example. No one should be anyone's crutch for anything. Sure it's great to be there for one another, but both should be able to stand on their own in all aspects. At least a majority of the time. Trust me, when she starts seeing other men, you wont be getting attention. This attitude is quite disgusting. No woman in their right mind would respect you at all. That's just the point. I am not interested in continuing a relationship with a woman who does respect me. I don't want a woman to respect me. It's boring to be in a relationship with a woman who respects me. And yes I will be getting attention when she gets into a fight with one of her boyfriends or when they breakup. She'll need me to stick around as a transition guy from one boyfriend to the next. So yes I will be getting some attention. It's better than nothing. Why should I have to change who I am for any woman anyway? Why can't I just be who I am? I don't see anything wrong with the real me. God created me this way. So who are you to say that I need to change who I am? Obviously you are not God. I'm willing to pay the price to end up with abusive girls just so I can have the luxury of letting go of my physical appearance. I don't want to have to improve myself to keep a girl.
dreamergrl Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 That's just the point. I am not interested in continuing a relationship with a woman who does respect me. I don't want a woman to respect me. It's boring to be in a relationship with a woman who respects me. And yes I will be getting attention when she gets into a fight with one of her boyfriends or when they breakup. She'll need me to stick around as a transition guy from one boyfriend to the next. So yes I will be getting some attention. It's better than nothing. Why should I have to change who I am for any woman anyway? Why can't I just be who I am? I don't see anything wrong with the real me. God created me this way. So who are you to say that I need to change who I am? Obviously you are not God. I'm willing to pay the price to end up with abusive girls just so I can have the luxury of letting go of my physical appearance. I don't want to have to improve myself to keep a girl. Chances are, if you let yourself go... She wont even bother to cheat on you. She'll leave you, and will not be running back just because her and her (other?) bf are fighting. Even if she does (for some crazy psychotic unknown reason) come back to you, you'll only be a last resort. No one wants a man who just lets himself go, doesn't want respect, doesn't care how he's treated, and doesn't care enough about himself to do anything about himself. You're looking at trailer trash at it's very worst.
Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Chances are, if you let yourself go... She wont even bother to cheat on you. She'll leave you, and will not be running back just because her and her (other?) bf are fighting. Even if she does (for some crazy psychotic unknown reason) come back to you, you'll only be a last resort. No one wants a man who just lets himself go, doesn't want respect, doesn't care how he's treated, and doesn't care enough about himself to do anything about himself. You're looking at trailer trash at it's very worst. You are ignoring the fact that if she herself was overweight then she would be a hypocrite to dump me just because I let myself gain weight. If that is the case then I wouldn't want to date hypocrites either. She can't pick on me about my weight while she is overweight herself. Besides it also depends on the woman's personality that I run into. If she has an agenda to control me and use me for emotional support then it could work. I will always run into women who have ulterior motives for going out with me. Thanks again for telling me that I'm not worthy to be in a relationship. Well that's where you are wrong. I'm certainly not going to base my worthiness on what you think. This is who I am. If you and others cannot accept me for who I am then it is your problem. It's not my problem. It's not my job to conform to other people's standards. I am being true to myself.
dreamergrl Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 You are ignoring the fact that if she herself was overweight then she would be a hypocrite to dump me just because I let myself gain weight. If that is the case then I wouldn't want to date hypocrites either. She can't pick on me about my weight while she is overweight herself. Thanks again for telling me that I'm not worthy to be in a relationship. Well that's where you are wrong. I'm certainly not going to base my worthiness on what you think. This is who I am. If you and others cannot accept me for who I am then it is your problem. It's not my problem. It's not my job to conform to other people's standards. I am being true to myself. You don't even know who you are deep down. You go from one extreme to another. Look back at all your posts. You switch what you want all the time. Nothing is concrete. You want whatever is easiest, and I don't think you even know what that is at this point. Do you have any idea how crazy you come across?? There's nothing wrong with women raising their standards, they want to be with a good guy. Everyone has standards. Most men have standards with what they want for a woman. If people didn't have standards, we'd all let ourselves go to h3ll. It's not healthy to not respect ourselves enough to keep up on our outter and inner beauty. Male and female.
Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 You don't even know who you are deep down. You go from one extreme to another. Look back at all your posts. You switch what you want all the time. Nothing is concrete. You want whatever is easiest, and I don't think you even know what that is at this point. Do you have any idea how crazy you come across?? There's nothing wrong with women raising their standards, they want to be with a good guy. Everyone has standards. Most men have standards with what they want for a woman. If people didn't have standards, we'd all let ourselves go to h3ll. It's not healthy to not respect ourselves enough to keep up on our outter and inner beauty. Male and female. There's also nothing wrong with me lowering my standards and being who I am. It goes both ways you know. I have just as much of a right to do that as women have to raise their standards. So you go ahead and raise your standards and I'll go ahead and continue to lower mine and continue being who I am and maybe someone will accept me. I don't think it's a tall order for me to find someone who will love the real me. I also have just as much of a right to change my mind about what I want as women do. How you feel about certain things today may change tomorrow or the next day or next week. If I'm in a relationship with a woman I have no right to expect her feelings to remain constant. I have no right to get upset if she changes her mind about me tomorrow. And the only time I care about how a woman is treating me is if she's taking advantage of me financially. Other than that I don't care what she's using me for. I already said where I draw the line. I'll always run into women who have ulterior motives for going out with me. I don't care what you think is healthy or unhealthy. What's healthy for you may not be healthy for me. Even if it was healthy for me it wouldn't make me happy. Your definition of a healthy relationship sounds quite boring to me to be real honest. Therefore I'm not interested in pursuing something healthy by your definition of what is healthy. There's plenty of overweight people who are happy with it. Just because that's not your personal preference doesn't mean there's anything wrong with those who are happy with being overweight. We all have different dreams, passions, goals, tastes, desires. Like I said the standards I set will always be lower than what I myself bring to the table. If I'm making 80,000$ a year then I will expect a woman to make no more than 40,000$ a year.
clv0116 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Women do have high standards, I suppose they are not used to men who have them as well. I suspect this is why I piss off a lot of women and attract a lot of the rest. Maybe a word has to be created to apply to this movement, if it's actually something that's becoming more common.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 There's plenty of overweight people who are happy with it. Just because that's not your personal preference doesn't mean there's anything wrong with those who are happy with being overweight. We all have different dreams, passions, goals, tastes, desires. Like I said the standards I set will always be lower than what I myself bring to the table. If I'm making 80,000$ a year then I will expect a woman to make no more than 40,000$ a year. Do you have a solid career? I just get the sense that you should be trying to build your self esteem right now. Take women out of the equation. When you don't have a lot of confidence they can be a total soul suck. Once you get to a point where you just don't give a crap... then you will do fine with women. Until then, your going to come across as useless.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 What do I mean? well a guy having his own place, good looks, fancy looking car, clean cut, opening the doors for ladies, having a steady career & steady finances, he can fix things around the house, is no longer enough for many women. For many women, that's way too much. I mean, for some their ideal is a guy that's been in prison has very little prospects, but is able to slap a few people around. Perhaps the women you are seeking are seeking the unattainable. Oh and I bet they're single and no-one can figure out why?
Author chris250 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Here are my standards. I need a woman who will tell me how lucky I am to be with her. I need one who is going to call me names when she gets upset. I need one who will restrict my time with my female friends. I need a girl who doesn't care about improving herself. This way I can feel better about not improving myself. I used to have high standards 8 years ago. As I get older I'm gradually lowering my standards. If I could just stand fine on my own then I wouldn't need a relationship. Relationships are for emotionally needy people. If you are not emotionally needy then you don't need a relationship. I basically want to be a woman's doormat.
Chicago_Guy Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Why not just come out and admit "I want a man who thinks I'm more important in this relationship than he is?" or "I want a man who will always make excuses for my actions and does not see me as having any responsibility whatsoever in this relationship." Those phrases ought to be pinned on every woman's profile on dating sites. Why would you want a woman like that?
Author chris250 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 Why would you want a woman like that? Because at least she's being brutally honest about what she wants. I can respect her brutal honesty over a woman who would rather use watered down words to express what she wants.
dreamergrl Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Why would you want a woman like that? Because at least she's being brutally honest about what she wants. I can respect her brutal honesty over a woman who would rather use watered down words to express what she wants. I think the better question is why would a woman want to be like that
BCCA Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 If I may, what it sounds like is that you want to find a super hot woman who treats you like garbage, and youll take it with a smile so long as she stays with you. The problem is, that gets real boring, and then youll end up treated like crap and dumped. No one wants a doormat, it means you have no self respect, and I question whether you do by the fact that you say anyone in a relationship is emotionally needy. Thats not true, not at all. However, if you ARE emotionally needy, its going to be hard to find a relationship, and thats where I think you are. dreamergrl makes a good point, you really dont even know who you are or what you want. Youre just hoping to find someone and mold what you want around what they are. Take a break Chris, stay away from dating for a while. I can sense a lot of turmoil in your life when it comes to relationships, and you would do yourself a favor to let things fall into place a little bit.
Author chris250 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 If I may, what it sounds like is that you want to find a super hot woman who treats you like garbage, and youll take it with a smile so long as she stays with you. The problem is, that gets real boring, and then youll end up treated like crap and dumped. No one wants a doormat, it means you have no self respect, and I question whether you do by the fact that you say anyone in a relationship is emotionally needy. Thats not true, not at all. However, if you ARE emotionally needy, its going to be hard to find a relationship, and thats where I think you are. dreamergrl makes a good point, you really dont even know who you are or what you want. Youre just hoping to find someone and mold what you want around what they are. Take a break Chris, stay away from dating for a while. I can sense a lot of turmoil in your life when it comes to relationships, and you would do yourself a favor to let things fall into place a little bit. It also gets boring sooner or later for me if I find a woman who is unconditionally available to me. I need an emotionally unavailable woman because at least she's a challenge. It's boring to have a woman respect me all the time. To be real honest any kind of healthy relationship sounds boring. A relationship with no drama is boring. I don't think it gets boring for abusive women to treat their men like garbage. If she has an abusive personality she'll never get tired of treating him like garbage. She'll probably kill me before she'll dump me. It's better to be murdered by a woman than to be dumped by one because at least I'll get to heaven faster. Nobody can threaten me with heaven. Getting killed by your girlfriend is better than getting dumped. Getting dumped is better than paying her alimony fees for eternity. I don't plan to have sex so I don't have to worry about that. It's the same with abusive men. Why do you think other women advise abused women to get out of an abusive relationship? Because the abusive man's habits will just get worse. He'll never get bored of abusing her. He doesn't think "well she never stands up to me so I'm growing a bit bored abusing her. Now I'll dump her."
BCCA Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Getting killed by your girlfriend is better than getting dumped I don't plan to have sex so I don't have to worry about that Either this is a troll post, or you have some serious issues to work through. There is no amount of grief or money that is worse than losing your life. The very notion is insane. You go on to mention that youre looking for an abusive relationship. Why, oh please tell me why, would you do that to yourself? I have to think thats all you think youre worth, and that youre so caught up with not being dumped that your blind to everything else. Listen to what youre saying, youre trying to point out the 'beauty' of an abusive relationship. What good is there? 'She wont dump me if she can treat me like trash and cheat on me instead'. Brother, you are worth a lot more than that. If you need to PM me, Im studying to get my PhD in psych and would be glad to help, but youre a tangled mess at this point.
dreamergrl Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Chris.... If you don't plan on having sex ever, you're going to have problems keeping a girl even if it's someone who treats you like crap. Eventually a woman is going to want that in a relationship. If you try and do the virgin waiting for marriage, you'll lose out too, because you don't want to get married. Nothing you do will make it so a girl will stay with you no matter what. You need to face the fact that rejection and loss is a part of life.
Author chris250 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 Chris.... If you don't plan on having sex ever, you're going to have problems keeping a girl even if it's someone who treats you like crap. Eventually a woman is going to want that in a relationship. If you try and do the virgin waiting for marriage, you'll lose out too, because you don't want to get married. Nothing you do will make it so a girl will stay with you no matter what. You need to face the fact that rejection and loss is a part of life. I don't need to face anything. Like I said earlier getting dumped is better than setting foot in divorce court. It's better than getting a woman pregnant. It's better to get dumped without a pregnancy than with one. Rejection and loss may be unavoidable but that doesn't mean I shouldn't do everything in my power to protect myself financially. Being taken advantage of financially is NOT inevitable and that is worse than being rejected. And if one woman gets tired of me what's the solution? I keep finding someone else. Who says I can't keep looking? I'll keep looking until I find that woman who can accept me for me. Why should I have to change who I am? I refuse to change who I am for anybody. When one girl gets tired of me I'll find someone else and I'll continue that cycle. There is nothing wrong with me. It's about finding someone I'm compatible with. You don't get to decide whether or not I'm fit to be in a relationship. You are not God. I wasn't put on this earth to live according to your expectations. Faceless strangers on a message board are not the jury! I know that you and others would like to pass laws against certain people being allowed to date. If rejection is so much a part of life as you say it is then I have just as much of a right to reject a woman for any reason as she has to reject me. You seem to think it's ok for women to reject me but it's not ok for me to reject them. I'm not even sure if I'm looking for a relationship to last forever. I might get bored with that too which is part of the reason I don't want to get married. I'm going to enjoy a woman's company for however long she's willing to stay. When she wants to leave then I'll find someone else. I have never claimed that I can get any girl that I want. I accept that some girls are out of my league. I think dating life would be boring if I was able to get any girl I wanted. Sure it might make me feel good to think I can have any girl I want but after awhile it would get old. I like the fact that certain women are unattainable.
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