smile_through_tears Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 So I have decided to LISTEN to people's advice and therefore went NC. As I have mentioned on here my ex messaging me through facebook and making small talk...He called me two days ago and I didn't pick up (I couldnt talk to him, I didnt want to "pretend" to be okay). So then he writes me on facebook saying "I never meant to hurt you." Then he wrote me on facebook again saying "Hey, how is everything going?" Again I didn't responfd. Then I saw I had a missed call. I'm sure by now you all now that I love him and am hurting alot from this, and it is taking alot of courage for me to not pick up but I just don't know what to say or....I'm trying to follow your guys' advice but I can't help but feel like crap...What if I'm only pushing him further away? I can't be just a "friend" right now, it would hurt too much esp. thinking of him with someone else. But having him out of my life hurts like hell...If there was ANY CHANCE at getting him back, what can I do? I hear begging and pleading only pushes them away...well...what brings them closer to you? I'm not the kind pf person who can move on easily...I can make friends easily but I cannot find love at the blink of an eye. It's like a blessing/curse to love someone in this way. Also sometimes knowing the same people SUCKS because you never know the things they are saying behind your back or the LIES they are inventing...My ex would believe anything...I cant kill myself over this or stress it but BOY IS IT HARD!!! So please give me the straight up honest answers about NC because I REALLY need to hear them! I want stories, ANYTHING, to convince me that I'm doing the right thing and that I wont regret NC further down the road.
trauma04 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 So please give me the straight up honest answers about NC because I REALLY need to hear them! I want stories, ANYTHING, to convince me that I'm doing the right thing and that I wont regret NC further down the road. Stay the course, sweetheart. You're doing way better than I was. Look, bottom line is, he broke up with you. He obviously didn't want you at the time. At this point, count yourself out of the equation. The ball is in his court. You have 3 choices. (1) You can stay NC, get over him and meet an awesome guy who won't dump you. (2) You can stay NC, and he'll want you back more (at this point the decision is yours, whether you take him back or not). (3) You can talk to him, be his friend and pretend to not love him and such, he'll heal, because he'll think he didn't hurt you as much as he did, you'll hurt even more because he won't take you back and you stay sad. Really, options 1 and 2 are ideal aren't they? Both really only happen with NC. That's the way I rationalized it anyway. If you go NC, whatever the outcome (if he comes back or not), you'll end up happy.
Kage111 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Tip: Don't tell your ex "I'm going NC to heal. Don't try to contact me." They won't. And it'll hurt. I made the mistake, found out she took me very seriously. Blocked me, deleted me, ignores me when we pass by... If you want your ex back, you don't want to let them think this is just a game...
pr-girl Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Wow. You're doing so much better than I was. Keep going, Love. You are doing great! Keep NC. I promise it helps. Because I broke NC with my ex last year - after only 3 months of NC - it ended up taking me a year to get over it. And still, to this day, when I see him, I feel the pain. Don't make that mistake. Stay the course.
Author smile_through_tears Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 Thanks everyone for your replies. I really appreciate them. I didn't say anything after he said "Im sorry for hurting you" because I obviously cannot open up my heart to him but it hurts so much. And he doesnt contact me anymore since that because I'm assuming he thinks I don't want to talk to him *sigh* when it's not true, I would do anything to have him back...I constantly have this ache in my heart
Tryng2Trust08 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I think you constantly have the ache in your heart because you have kept contact with him. I know you would probably love to be his friend, but you just cannot. He needs to understand you are hurt and you cannot be his friend and by you doing NC it's showing him this. Don't feel like you're turning your back on him....do what is best for you right now and things in time will heal...the feeling slowly start to go away. I have been NC this week and I can tell you last week at this time I was an absolute wreck, driving myself crazy..just stay strong, he broke things off with you and it's time for you to heal and take time for yourself. No one means to hurt anyone in relationships, but it happens and I think you will have some peace soon.
SRV Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Also sometimes knowing the same people SUCKS because you never know the things they are saying behind your back or the LIES they are inventing...My ex would believe anything...I cant kill myself over this or stress it but BOY IS IT HARD!!! . Sometimes in life we have to develop a "thick skin" not worrying about what people say. Take the constructive criticism and weigh it before implementing it. You know yourself better, let it not worry you to this extent.
georgejungle Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 if you don't want him to keep contacting you and are trying to take a break and NOT do the "friend" thing, you gotta tell him so. You gotta tell him you don't want any contact, simply ignoring him and not answering calls could do more damage than good, if you're even considering a reconile later. just be upfront.
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