Breaking up hurt! You guys made it better!

[trauma04]

Hey guys, this is my very first post, though I've been reading for a little over a month. It's a bit long, but I feel like I had to say my thanks.

 

I went through a tough break up. My girlfriend and I had been together for 2 years and when she ended it suddenly, I was completely crushed. In the end, I thought she loved me. Two days after Christmas this year, she broke up with me because she suddenly couldn't say she loved me anymore (her words). 3 days after that, I found out she was dating another guy (a criminal, with tattoos, and doesn't have a license but he drives anyway - sexy!) who is now her boyfriend. I'm aware that I am still a tad bitter hahaha.

 

It did help me get over her faster knowing that this guy was trash and her friends didn't make it any easier by telling me to try and win her back, but that's hardly relevant.

 

Now, I'm not going to jump to any conclusions and make any assumptions about her new relationship with this guy, or if there was any infidelity before we broke up. But I just wanted to come on to this forum, and in my very first post, thank every single person who posts on this particular forum.

 

You have no idea how helpful this forum was to me. I learned that NO CONTACT is so important to every person after a breakup, whether you secretly suppress a desire to win them back, or not. To be truthful, I did. And initially, my choice to go NC was purely that: a way to win her back by making her feel jealous. Really, I saw myself as having 3 choices:

 

1) Go NC, she'll come back to me, we'll party.

2) Go NC, I'll move on, I'll party with another girl who I love and who loves me.

3) I don't go NC, I talk to her, I hurt, She heals, I stalk, She gets restraining order, I hurt (I might be stretching it a bit).

 

Two out of those three options were very appealing in the beginning; I don't think I have to mention which ones. Either way, NC was the only viable option, whatever the outcome. But in the end, NC really helped me get over her and now, option two is the only appealing option. And, I'm in the process of getting over her.

 

I can lie and say I'm completely over her. If I catch a glimpse of her in the mall, every now and then, my stomach will prove me wrong as it attempts to strangle itself. But I'm so much happier now, and I now have fun when I'm out with my friends, I can concentrate better on school work, I can concentrate at my job and I'm meeting a lot of eager girls too, who are quite into me as much as I'm into them (imagine that!).

 

But most importantly, I had time to figure out what I want. I figured out that what I wanted wasn't my ex. I found out that I have so much to offer and I deserved better than a girl who would drop me so easily.

 

I know, if you're surfing this board, you're thinking well "what are the chances she'll get back with me?". I'm not going to tell you to not think like that. Plenty of other people here will, but I realize it's natural and even I thought that way up until very recently. All I'm saying is stick with the NC, whether you secretly harbour hope or not for getting back together with her. I ended up getting over her and really enjoying myself and my time with other girls. That's my story though, you MIGHT get back together with your girlfriend, but either way, the path is the same. Go NC and maybe you'll find in a few weeks that your outlook on the situation is completely different.

 

Anyway, lets wrap it up. It doesn't matter what the details are of your breakup, really. If she broke up with you, she doesn't want to be with you. Go No Contact and make things better. Whether your story follows path 1) or path 2), chances are you'll end up happy.

 

Take care guys and keep posting; I know I will.

[bella23]

I agree NC is for the best. Either ways if things were to change the other person knows how to find you. Phone, email, adress...

[Kage111]

Very impressive first post! I liked it a lot! 4 year relationship, 3 months since break up, 1 month NC. Sadly, I fell into the 3rd path for the first 2 months... This past month has been brutal, we go to the same college, live in the same building... Everyday my stomach reminds me I'm not over her.

 

But you are my new inspiration! I have to brake NC eventually since she still has about $700 of my stuff at her place, and she owes me another $300. I'm poor and I need the money, but after that, it's right back to NC.

 

I also enjoyed the little dash of hope you put in there. Many people on LS aren't so... accepting... of that those thoughts. Probably because it won't help the healing, but I believe, right after a breakup, most people won't even listen to the advice unless they hear what they want.