RM0123 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Ok so to go along with my other thread. I believe my ex of 6 years left me for someone else.. I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like I tried so hard and did so much for him. I stayed with him through all the hard times. He has matured and grown so much since I first met him and I was there for him every time he failed to help him back on his feet. And now he is in law school and left met for someone else. I feel like I did all the work and now SHE is getting the prize. I wonder what is wrong with me? Why couldn't he stay with me? Why didn't he love me enough? What makes her more appealing? What did I do wrong? Why am I not lovable? HELP!!!! I feel miserable.
lonelygurl Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 It is not that you are not lovable. I don't know how to explain it. I stuck through thick and thin with my X the first time we were together including his attempted overdose and he left me anyways. Then I allowed him back into my life after he had ripped my heart out. I was having anxiety/depression issues that had nothing to do with him and even though he promised to stick it out with me through thick and thin he didn't. I feel completely betrayed. I can't even begin to describe how deep the hurt and betrayal goes. I allowed him back in my life, let a lot of things go, and learned to trust him again and he couldn't stick it out with me through my rough patch, like I had done for him. It makes you not want to ever trust someone again. It is them not us. As in your case, it is your X with the issue not you. I don't know your X's history, but I know my X has a lot of issues of his own which leaves road blocks for a long term meaningful relationship.
trauma04 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I feel like I did all the work and now SHE is getting the prize. I wonder what is wrong with me? Why couldn't he stay with me? Why didn't he love me enough? What makes her more appealing? What did I do wrong? Why am I not lovable? Well, you just stated what I went through about a month ago with my girlfriend. Those questions will drive you insane. No one on this board will be able to answer those questions. Only your Ex knows and I highly doubt if you'll ever get the answer out of him. You're obviously a very loving and passionate person. Despite the stigma many guys have, we do enjoy that as well. So, to say you aren't loveable is silly. One guy fell for you once, another will too. The advice that worked for me, seeing as how we have had similar circumstances, in terms of the breakup (i read your other post earlier), is just go NC. By doing so, you'll get over him and you'll make yourself available to meet the guy who'll make your dreams come true. The main goal of NC is to make you HAPPY again; it's irrelevant whether your BF realizes what he's missed in you and asks you to take him back, as NC sometimes has that effect on the dumper. Either way, NC will make you happy.
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 This happens. a person supports their partner and the partner develops and evolves into someone new, better, improved, healed..... whatever. And there's the problem. They are no longer who they were. They have changed, moved on and become somebody different. And that 'somebody' no longer needs what they needed before. In short? Painful as it is to learn - you became redundant. The very thing you gave him, made him find someone new, because the new person he became was no longer dependent or needful of what they were dependent on, or needful of, before. Without wanting to, or meaning to, you became such an effective support system, that you transformed yourself into an emotional walking stick. Which, once the broken leg is healed - is no longer needed. I'm sorry if that was harsh, but this is precisely what happened to my brother.
a_f_w Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 ^ true, Geisha. It was a similar situation for me, I was with my girlfriend through university and she needed me then, for various reasons. I moved to live with her when we graduated but when she got a job I was done, old news, no use to her, and she switched over to a new man who gives her what she needs for her new lifestyle. OP - if you are still in some kind of contact with you ex, ask him. You might not get any sensible answers, but it's worth a try in my opinion. Ask him straight, why he has left you and what he's getting from her that he didn't get from you. Chances are he won't really know, but personally, I felt I had to ask my gf similar questions.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Ok so to go along with my other thread. I believe my ex of 6 years left me for someone else.. I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like I tried so hard and did so much for him. I stayed with him through all the hard times. He has matured and grown so much since I first met him and I was there for him every time he failed to help him back on his feet. And now he is in law school and left met for someone else. I feel like I did all the work and now SHE is getting the prize. I wonder what is wrong with me? Why couldn't he stay with me? Why didn't he love me enough? What makes her more appealing? What did I do wrong? Why am I not lovable? HELP!!!! I feel miserable. Even George Clooney got cheated on!! It happens to the best of us. No need to get down on yourself. The problem lies with her, not you.
Knight_Ctrl Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Ok so to go along with my other thread. I believe my ex of 6 years left me for someone else.. I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like I tried so hard and did so much for him. I stayed with him through all the hard times. He has matured and grown so much since I first met him and I was there for him every time he failed to help him back on his feet. And now he is in law school and left met for someone else. I feel like I did all the work and now SHE is getting the prize. I wonder what is wrong with me? Why couldn't he stay with me? Why didn't he love me enough? What makes her more appealing? What did I do wrong? Why am I not lovable? HELP!!!! I feel miserable. you're probably all of these things. The problem seems to be you dated an *********. I would kill a thousand people to find a nice, loyal girl like you. Your ex is a dumbass
sinkerswim Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Hey girl.. nothing is wrong with you. NOTHING. Remember that. This is the path he chose to take for now. When time goes on...it will catch up with him. I know it will. You hang in there. I am trying to..and its sooo hard. I can hardly function.
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