just broke up...

[fury5]

Hey guys,

 

My situation is 1% complicated. I started dating my ex-girlfriend almost a year ago. It was our second semester of Freshman year in college. We spent sooo much time together. We dont have that much in common, but it seemed like we just complemented each other really well. Our relationship was really awesome.

 

At first, i felt like she liked me a lot more than i like her, but as time went on out love for eachother really grew and evened out. Sex was awesome by the way. And come to think of it now, sex was a big part of our relationship.

 

Anyways we didnt really see eachother last summer. I was in Italy for 6 weeks and she was a camp counselor, so i saw her for a grand total of 3 days all summer. Those 3 days were great by the way. We talked almost every day i was in italy and when i was back in the US and she was at camp. We go to the same university, but she lives in baltimore and i live in Philadelphia.

 

So when we got back to school in August we were both really excited to be with eachother. but when we reunited things seemed different. she didnt act the same way towards me. It was almost like she didnt respect me, or love me as much, or kind of like she took me for granted. We broke up briefly and got back together. Since we got back together (which was in mid september) every thing was awesome. the love we had for eachother was great, we spent a lot of time together. sex life was great. everything was going really well.

 

At the end of the semester, we thought she wasnt going to be back at school, and that i would be. we decided to not be exclusive anymore. when we visited eachother things would be back to normal, and when we werent together, we were basically single. she was telling me she only wanted me, she wouldnt hook up with anyone else etc. she was even telling me things like "when i come back to school in Fall 2009 we might get back together". I didnt want to commit to anything because I know things change with time.

 

So this is the more recent part of the story, and this is also where things get a bit complicated. The terms of our "break up" were good. We werent hostile, and still loved eachtother. I went to Israel over break, didnt get with anyone, but I did meet a girl on the trip i became good friends with named Ashley.

 

So when i got back from Israel my gf (psuedonym:Blair) told me "Good news! Im gonna come back to school!" But by this point I knew i was going to be living at home, which is about a 1/2 hour from campus. So we could make this work. I saw her for the first day in about a month around Jan. 20th. She came over to my house. We had a bunch of people over watching football. anyway she was acting like she still loved me, and wanted to be with me. She was being very touchy, and telling me she loved me, which was normal for us when we were together. But at this point I just wanted to keep what we had which was good friends with benefits. Ashley from Israel was coming to visit a few weeks later so I didnt want to get official back with Blair.

 

So for a few days after she came to my house, Blair asked me "what are we" and I told her I needed a few weeks to get re-situated with the semester. i was living at home now and taking classes and working. It was a change for me that I felt I needed to get accustomed with. So Blair and I had a few bootycalls and one day, after sex, i asked her what she felt about sex while not being "together".

 

This is when our breakup, to me, became official. She told me that it was different. She felt differently about me. She said the love she had for me changed. At the time I didnt really react to this. I was telling her ok and that I understood. Honestly I have no freaking clue why she loved me on wednesday and didnt love me on friday. I spent the night in her room that night. I went to bed a little drunk, but nothing happened. When I woke up the next morning, It was very awkward. I got dressed and told her I needed to leave. She asked if I was mad at her, and I said no. I wasnt "mad", I was confused as hell though.

 

So after this, about a week went by and we didnt contact eachother at all. Her phone was broke and I sent her a picture message of a picture of her that i really loved and told her i missed her. So she texted me when she got her new phone. She didnt even get the picture. But that whole week i was like WTF? why isnt she getting back to me?

 

So the other day I asked her to get some food with me while I was on campus and it was a little awkward but not too bad. then today we got lunch. still, a little awkward. But the relationship we have now is very friendly, and it's weird to me. She is treating me like a friend, and I dont really know how to react. I feel like she is ok with this. I have not told her, but its killing me. I hate this. I'm confused how she could just do a 180 on me. I feel like I want her back, but also I think there could be irreparable damage. What do I do? This was my first big relationship and she means a lot to me. It was hers too, and I feel like I dont matter to her that much now. She was talking about "her friend Kyle" who she earlier said was this preppy ******* that was hitting on her. Then today she was talking about him a little. I could be a paranoid and over reacting, but by the sounds of him I want to smash his face in. I still have feelings for her, but I think they are not reciprocated. I cant get her off my mind. And most of all, I miss her.

 

What should I do? do I just try to move on? do I see what she has to say? do I take some time away from her and let this settle before i start to hang with her more? I know I made mistakes playing games with her, but i love her so much. Please help me!

[DJMarky]

Hmm, this is tough.

 

You initiated the break. Maybe she got prepared for what she thought was going to be inevitable and distanced herself, then found a guy she liked and went for that option since things between you and her were not a definite.

 

Most people here say go NC, but that is if you are trying to get over someone, not win them back and from what you have said it sounds like it is quite plausible for you to become an item again.

 

I'd go have a talk with her, if you really want her back, none of this **** taking her back then confusing her with a break. Just tell her you were good together and you want it to go back to how it was. See how she reacts. Don't let her think it is over, then she will start looking elsewhere, but don't go over the top and start smothering her. Also, do not show insecurities whenever she mentions Kyle, remember she doesn't know how you are feeling.

 

Just tell her simply what you said here, no flowers or anything, just be yourself. Scope her reaction and then decide whether to cut her off or pursue.

 

Hope this helps.