Rachael. Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 There is probably loads of these threads so sorry. (He did the breaking up, its was sudden, horrific, my first breakup/love, there is no anger, its been a week) He said he wants to remain friends, I originally said yes, but I was in denial at that point. Right now i've been thinking I only want to be friends because I want him in my life. We laughed during the break up (creepy woman stared at us for like ages & randomly we both lol'd & he said thats what he doesn't want to miss out on the friendship & laughter, but surely if he doesn't want to miss out on me he wouldn't have ended it?) (We've been NC, i asked for space) Should I contact him saying I don't know how to be friends with him? & I don't think I can. Because I said we could be friends, I feel presurised to get over him & become friends, I know thats stupid but I feel if i tell him I can't, i'll be able to move on easier. Thought i'd get some advice on here first though. I'll be civil, but from when we met, we were friends for ages but thats kind of "I hope this turns into more" friendship, not a platonic friendship. =S
BCCA Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Well, look at what 'friends' means in this context. He wants to keep you in his life because you enjoy eachothers company (if you didnt, you would never have been together). You, on the other hand, are only going along with the idea because its either that or nothing. So, basically, his wants are going to be getting met and he wont feel as guilty (not that youre wishing he feels horrible or anything), while youll be constantly dissapointed and hurt. And people forget what friends are for. You know those calls you get from friends asking for dating/relationship advice? I can imagine you dont want those from him, and truth be told, its only going to hold you back. I would just explain to him that while you understand that things are what they are, and you dont have any bad feelings towards him, friends right now is simply unrealistic because youre not on the same page. You didnt want the breakup, so you cant expect to be ok with something that was essentially forced upon you. Again, its nothing personal against him, but right now, he is only going to make you feel lousy, and I doubt he wants to do that.
EmperorR Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 put yourself first, just tell him look at this point in time it is to painful for me to be your friend. Maybe one day when I'm fully over my feelngs for you I would consider being your friend. And go nc and Stick nc, you owe him nothing.
exclusive. Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Don't be friends, it's the worst idea going. Read my post "please stick to NC" - she used me for comfort, for kisses, for cuddles and when it came down to 'hang on, we're not acting as friends are we' she pulled the red carpet from beneath my feet and it was worse than the original break up because I thought all my pain was going away, because maybe I was getting her back. WRONG, friends is just a chance for them to stop feeling guilty. Don't aid them, aid yourself - go NC and go get meeting others guys and living life. Amen.
Author Rachael. Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Ok well thanks guys (also thanks for the quick replies!), i'll deffinatly have to tell him, can't face him in person so either email or MSN i guess... Its going to be awkward though, we run into each other all the time, same college, same hobby -rock climbing- not exactly another club to join either in our area & i'm not giving it up, & I don't expect him to either. We also have common friends, I can be civil in those moments & he will have to too. & Your right I can't handle the thought of him ever talking to me about another girlfriend so no, we can't be friends..Hes off to uni most likely in september too so I guess even if i felt we could theres no point?
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